“I’ve never experienced it so you must just be imagining it” pretty much describes the conflict of every issue out there, from race to mental illness. Hell, even things like homelessness.
There’s also the “I have suffered it and therefore everyone else must suffer it as well”
Don’t forget “I’ve suffered it and it wasn’t that bad so don’t pretend it is”
Which actually means “I’ve pretended to suffer it and you are probably too”.
“I experienced racism. I was called a potato once and seriously, it wasn’t as bad as all the n* pretend it is. Get over it.”
exactly. empathy is the ability to realize other people have different experiences than you. to think about what it’s actaully like to be homeless.
but people think it means ‘just agree with me and make me feel good, and if i feel bad for people i am a good person’
The fact that there could be someone out there thinking, “I have 17 homes, so clearly they are imagining not having a home”, does not shock me
edit: grammar and my brains is a mix of spaghetti and mashed potatoes
It’s more like, “I own 17 homes and it wasn’t that hard to get that many. They must not be trying hard enough.”
This is funny when it comes to minority groups in a larger one.
I remember telling someone passionate about his org that I’ve seen some homophobia/queerphobia and shit in the org, and he was like “Homophobia here??? We don’t tolerate that, it can’t be happening. I haven’t seen it”
Well, it’s not like they are calling you a f****t or some shit, you aint queer
being perennially excluded from parents group, kids activities, volunteering, coaching and other social connective activities because you’re a male parent and might accidentally sexually assault someone
losing multiple male friends to suicide, and seeing society handwave it away as being less important than any other form of death, despite its incidence being 10 times that of homicide
being objectified as inherently dangerous, simply for having a penis, and worse still understanding why
starting each day trying to be good, and do good, and that still never, ever being enough
Why participate?
It’s super ironic that you are the top comment in THIS thread.
Hi again, you assumed that I thought deep fakes worked off magicly making nudes and just didn’t understand the technology of aggregation as opposed to listening to the ways that women are being blackmailed and harassed by it. And that even if deepfake is exponentially faster and more accessible, it’s nothing new or different than drawing a picture of someone naked, even in the age of social media
Instead of actually listening you were arrogant, dismissive and hostile. You are the man in this comic. You are the person who is not harmed by deep fakes, so it’s not a real problem.
It’s been a while so idk if you remember, but as soon as I realized what you meant I immediately owned up to my mistake. This was from one of the last comments I made to you back then:
I’m not trying to be disingenuous, it genuinely sounded like you didn’t realize, that’s my bad.
I thought you meant something that you didn’t. The second I realized, I admitted that I was at fault. I fucked up there, and I’m sorry for that.
And the very next thing you said was…
So yes, you apologized for assuming I didn’t understand what I was talking about, but you then double down ignoring the harassment I was bringing up. I’m not interested in discussing any part of this with you, we already have gone round and round. I was just shocked, amazed to read you today and had to highlight your lack of self awareness in saying
“I’ve never experienced it so you must just be imagining it”
Harassment of women with deepfakes has no impact or relevance, because hostility to women only has no impact or relevance to you.
I’m… a little confused. That comment of mine has nothing to do with my comment above or the post.
The post is about people’s ignorance, and their refusal to accept that there may be anything outside of their limited perspective.
I never said that your point wasn’t valid, or was made up. I simply didn’t agree with it, and had my own opinion. My last comment to you back then literally talked about the fact that I feel terrible for those negatively impacted by this, acknowledging that it’s a real thing that affects real people.
Someone acknowledging yet disagreeing with you isn’t the same at what’s in this post, and imo does it a massive disservice, as its about a lot more than that.
Here’s my comment for clarity:
Right now we live in a pretty puritan society, so the transitional phase is going to suck and people are going to be hurt. Obviously that’s awful, and none of this should take away from that fact, I feel horrible for the people negatively impacted by this.
And while that’s all true, it’s also true that as we continue going down this road we’ll reach a point where it simply won’t matter anymore.
The first part clearly addresses and acknowledges reality. I’m in no way dismissing it, pretending it doesn’t exist, or saying that “because I don’t experience it it isn’t real”. I fully acknowledge that it’s real and is a serious issue.
The second part is my own opinion in addition to it. It doesn’t take away from the first part, this isn’t a zero sum game, both can be true. I have my own opinion while fully acknowledging your own and seeing the validity of it.
Weird, this pulled more down votes than a lot of the posts around it.
I wonder why.
You ask that … on the internet…?
is that even a stat you can gather on lemmy? I have no idea frankly.
Yep. Depends on the interface you’re using.
huh, cool. Yeah i don’t have that on my end at the moment.
On desktop I have to hover the pointer on the post points to see it.
I never go searching out pizza cake, but when i see it I will always downvote it.
Same, but in reverse.
Lol yeah me too. They’re no Wars and Peas but they’re pretty funny.
My conspiracy theory is people liked her until the OnlyFans then the incels came out because “sure wasn’t in her lane”. I say get that grip girl.
I never liked her and I don’t care about onlyfans.
Reporter: [REDACTED]
Reason: it’s pizzacakeSome people don’t know how to click downvote and move on with their day,
or make a comment,
or unsubscribe,
or make their own c/ComicsExceptPizzaCake community.Some people have to talk to the manager and waste my time.
Am I out of the loop?
Why don’t people like Pizzacake?
To summarise the discourse:
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The artist makes boring unfunny comics and posts them to Reddit.
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The comics always seem to have tons of upvotes, every time.
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People question why they are allegedly so popular when they are boring and accuse her of buying upvotes.
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Artist then responds with misandrist drama comics about how all these evil men are out to get her.
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Everything becomes toxic as incels come out of the woodwork to attack her and feminists defend her comics in response.
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Everyone is too busy with their upvote/downvote wars to remember that the comics are actually garbage.
Damm, I didn’t know there were people with such a hateboner for pizzacake. Her stuff is not top shelf comedy but they tend to give me a chuckle consistently.
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I legitimately don’t understand how a man can be blind to this kind of treatment of women. Don’t you just need to look at any treatment of women online for more than a nanosecond and you’ll see this?
Selfishness, ignorance, lack of empathy, inability to see more than one perspective, misogyny, the “Well, I’m alright, Jack.” mentality, and the ability to ignore all the evidence in order to maintain my own personal view are just some of the tactics I’m employing right now to openly disbelieve what you tell me is your own personal lived experience. Glad I could
mansplainexplain that for you. s/my theory is that it’s just sort of universal across the internet. You have a wrong think in a group, and that group will delete you forever.
I think there’s a more specific version of this that ends up targeting women directly though.
We see it all the time with internet justice, someone posts rage bait, fake or real, people doxx them, people harm them, whatever. Shit like this just kind of happens. I think.
one thing i’ve noticed, is that when you get into less moderated, harder to moderate, and less centralized services, particularly anti-censorship ones, you get a lot of shitty people congregating there. And the reason why is pretty simple, it’s because you can. Some of it is probably just edgy shitposting, because, internet. Some of it is also just genuine, because again, the internet.
So you get this weird thing where it fractures heavily, into to small communal groups, that each do their own thing. But you have a broad group of outliers, who generally exist outside of this space also, which means that it tends to be rather hit and miss what you find.
This is one of the reasons i really like the darknet conceptually. Yes there may be racism there, but you know what else isn’t there? Rules, and you know what that means? People can make their own however they please. Don’t like it? Go away, simple as that.
r/TalesFromYourServer: Kicking a Nazi out as soon as they walk in
I was at a shitty crustpunk bar once getting an after-work beer. One of those shitholes where the bartenders clearly hate you. So the bartender and I were ignoring one another when someone sits next to me and he immediately says, “no. get out.”
And the dude next to me says, “hey i’m not doing anything, i’m a paying customer.” and the bartender reaches under the counter for a bat or something and says, “out. now.” and the dude leaves, kind of yelling. And he was dressed in a punk uniform, I noticed
Anyway, I asked what that was about and the bartender was like, “you didn’t see his vest but it was all nazi shit. Iron crosses and stuff. You get to recognize them.”
And i was like, ohok and he continues.
"you have to nip it in the bud immediately. These guys come in and it’s always a nice, polite one. And you serve them because you don’t want to cause a scene. And then they become a regular and after awhile they bring a friend. And that dude is cool too.
And then THEY bring friends and the friends bring friends and they stop being cool and then you realize, oh shit, this is a Nazi bar now. And it’s too late because they’re entrenched and if you try to kick them out, they cause a PROBLEM. So you have to shut them down.
And i was like, ‘oh damn.’ and he said “yeah, you have to ignore their reasonable arguments because their end goal is to be terrible, awful people.”
And then he went back to ignoring me. But I haven’t forgotten that at all.
Why? You should teach the same things to your son at the least for empathy , the most for prevension.
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What? Why shouldn’t his daughter and son be taught that sometimes, men act inappropriately and that women feel threatened and all the rest?
I think hes kidding bro :)
Yeah, I think it was a reference to an SNL skit from 1979? Not really as funny anymore.
The way my mother “taught” me doesn’t exactly leave me with a good impression of what women are about or why I should treat them any different from men.
We don’t talk anymore, and I will never have kids.
Well that last part is good. If you’d stay out of the woods it’d be appreciated as well.
i’ll go into the damn woods if i please, keeps me farther away from you, and you farther away from me, which we’ll both appreciate at the end of the day. :)
Teach your son those things too.
I have zero thoughts or comments on this specific comic, but can we please leave pizzacake on reddit? They were already plenty inescapable enough there.
At least it isn’t another heathcliff
I will take Heathcliff over pizza cake 10 out of 7 days of the weeks
Do y’all have any justification besides hating something popular?
They’re boring and lame, and they have a cultish following of people who defend them not because they are actually good, but because the artist receives abuse.
This comic is a prime example of it. Completely unfunny, unoriginal, strawman argument that achieves nothing more than making people argue with each other.
The only arguing here is your cult of haters. Making the comic not a strawman. It’s about you.
The answer to the question was evidently “no.”
are other justifications needed? seeing the same shit in the same in the same style all the time gets boring regardless of any other factor.
When the response is ‘mods should ban this artist’s work,’ absofuckinglutely more justification is needed. Kneejerk hatred for something popular is childish. Whining about it to others is performative sneering. Expecting authority to enforce a shallow contrarian opinion is just plain shitty.
Underlined in bold when half the complaints go ‘We’re not like that! Fuck this bitch!’
true but wanting people to stop posting something and asking the mods to ban it are different things, if that is what u got from the original comment that is an extremely… extreme reading of it. If that is the context u had in mind for ur comment i dont disagree but imma be honest i think u misread it.
The politest comment in a wave of kneejerk backlash is still part of that wave.
i havent seen any comment here calling for it to be banned.
I never asked for mods to ban pizzacake, I asked the potential audience to practice a little bit of discernment in their tastes.
I think this is an important distinction, personally.
Well that definitely escalated.
I think it’s just one of those like, hostile to anything not seen as “default” kinda things, right? there are two sexes, male, and political, two races, white, and political, two orientations, straight and political, kinda deal.
i don’t know how much i follow this tbh.
I think that’s probably the case for some people in some communities. More broadly? i doubt it though, i think.
Like i’ve followed linux communities semi regularly, and every so often you’ll get mentions of queer posting in the comments, and you’ll get queerphobic shit in response, which given that the linux community is mostly older people, who are nerds, that generally tracks with what you expect, but there are also always people who just aren’t pieces of shit also, so idk how much of it is demographic concat, or something else entirely.
I think this is a great place to ask this: What would be the problem, if we would ignore gender in all laws?
This should be a thought experiment, I don’t intend to attack anybody
The “colorblind” approach doesn’t really work. it only serves to maintain social hierarchies by ignoring that there’s a problem in the first place.
By basically not having the laws which are there to promote solving the problem, it effectively ignores that there’s a problem at all. Being officially legally the same doesn’t mean society treats you the same, and at that point you’re trusting the population to just dissolve the hierarchies themselves with the law disallowing the methods which are actually effective at doing that which… doesn’t work.
Plus there’s a ton of ways to discriminate in law without mentioning gender, and having plausible deniability about it. That’s what a ton of the Jim Crow era in the US was about. That’s what much existing legislation does with women actually.
☺️ thank you for that great response
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I was more thinking about legacy laws that are clearly still based on gender roles
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Probably all you need to really do is leave social media, including Lemmy, behind.
Not the worst advice, tbh.
Also, I’m planning on eating some tacos soon, so you’re 2 for 2.
Well the latter part is just common sense lol
ooh tacos, good idea
Neither side in this sex war seems willing to admit that both parties are deeply behaviorally flawed in terms of operating within an (at least in rhetoric) equitable society we all claim to want with one another.
I think step zero would be for both men and women to admit that both are deeply flawed in their engagement with one another, acknowledge both are trying to operate within sociocultural environments we are evolutionarily unprepared for, and therefore shouldn’t expect perfection or even competency from the other, so we can work to bridge the massive empathy deficit between us.
But since healing doesn’t trend on social media or in culture like vitriol, insult, or indignation, carry on.
“Please understand that a subset of your group is a serious threat to our safety”
briefcase unclasping noise
“Sure but step one is to define what the term safe really means in this context…”
i would like to request a case study from the psych department, where we make another post once this has all blown over that just says “rape bad, don’t rape women MMmkay?” or something like that so we can see how the responses differ.
i’m not shitposting i just think we should do this.
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Kinda hard to have an equal discussion when being a woman entails being sexually harassed and occasionally assaulted by a bunch of men, mostly ones you barely know or don’t know at all, on a regular basis before you even hit puberty. Your “sex war” is more like a sex genocide with the effects biting the whole male demographic in the ass, even the ones who didn’t cause it.
It’s also hard when most of the men that participate in this discussion (despite often not wanting to admit it at first) subconsciously think that women should listen to their venting 5 seconds after meeting them and be in a relationship with them and hug them and bang them and stuff. Seriously, interacting with guys just feels like gambling, with most of them forming some sort of unhealthy obsession with you and taking your kindness as a sign of weakness or inability to see their red flags; to a lot of guys, interaction with them is basically a green light to move on you. It sometimes feels like life is a “don’t unintentionally upset or engage with a random man too much or else he might find your phone number on the dark web and send you texts threatening to rape, torture, and murder you”. We live in a society where it’s relatively common for high school girls to have a guy classmate they occasionally talk to tell/text them that they wanna rape her, just unfiltered and out there because she decided to have a conversation.
Their problems are caused by patriarchy too, but that doesn’t mean I’m willing to subject myself to sexism from them. They, whether they realize it or not, feel like they deserve what they want from a woman, the unfairness of women not wanting them makes them frustrated and they see gender equality as a means to an end, they see it as a way to have women finally love them.
It’s not so much of “women and men are equally fucking up and need to make up” as it is “women are extremely scared by men, and negotiating with the likely emotionally unstable potentially violent people with nothing to lose who probably thought about you and them dating immediately after seeing you never seems like the good option”. It’s like encouraging kids to interact with people who they think are violent and might shoot up a school in order to convince them not to shoot up the school… Even talking to someone out of pity is endangering yourself.
Most guys want to get in your pants or eventually get to that point, whether you’re apathetic to them or nice to them or mean to them. How am I supposed to talk to guys about sexism when usually their main concern is the lack of action with women and my main concern is interacting with men is inherently extremely risky and I fear I’m about to get raped or murdered when a man raises his voice at me?
It has to be at least 95% of straight men who are the danger women have to do conversational twister with to be relatively safe and comfortable around, and the remaining portion of men usually take an “insult” about the majority of men as an “insult” to them.
Men and women are both negatively affected by our sexist system but the playing field is not level. The solution is getting a majority of men to realize exactly what women deal with from men, and getting them to actively work against their subconscious sexism to promote a safer environment for women and remove the high risk of interacting with men, including by halting the rampant objectification of women and their bodies, so women and men can actually be humans with each other for real. The widespread outrage things like the bear meme gets show that this probably isn’t going to work out any time soon. Men usually immediately think of it as a challenge to “prove” that women are worse by saying a lot of them are bitchy and hard to read and gold diggers or something, rather than a way to understand why women can’t feel safe around men the same way they can around women. But instead men think of it as how women feel about any single man, including them.
At least there are communities like [email protected] that are on the right path though. Sigh.
Thank you for going out of your way to say this 💯
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No because I personally am perfect and an exception.
You are, and no one else Mango.
GODDAMNIT I WAS GONNA CLAIM THAT
I just want it to stop, it could have been productive but there’s just too much vitriol now
i’ve been saying this the entire time, and weirdly, people seem to like it, or at the very least, stop commenting to my responses because they simply don’t want to engage because productive dialogue bad? Or something, idk it’s the internet don’t ask me, i’m not real.
Lol, you must be one of the guys that get offended by this or the bear meme. If you think stuff like this attacks all men or you directly, or that women have done wrong to men even 1% of what sexism and men violence has done to them you just need to close lemmy for an hour and read a bit. And im a man in case you were wondering, i just dont have my head inside my own ass.
Edit: just to make it clear to everyone reading this guy post where he talked about both sides and all that shit https://lemm.ee/comment/11953665 ended up just saying that for them womens problems are imaginary because they have a full belly and a roof. The story is always the same it doesnt take much to show when someone is such a level of sexist even when they are trying to hide it behind bullshit rethorics.
Have a happy Wednesday.
i will, maybe you will too when you understand there is no sex wars and its just 50% of the population just wanting to feel safe.
i think you might… etymologically, be able to uh classify that statement as a “sex war”
like i get what we’re saying but there also kind of is, isn’t there?
I hope you have a happy Wednesday regardless of your strongly held beliefs, unless one of them is wanting to have bad/unhappy Wednesdays, in which case I apologize for my transgression.
Oh my, the strongly held beliefs that everyone should be equal and feel safe around other people.
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Sure, im all in for that, it is part of being communist you know? But at the same time that doesnt mean i treat the problems inherent to being a woman in our society as minor problems. ;) Or are you saying that because there is homeless people and police harassment we should leave racism, sexism and other problems undiscussed? hmmmm, seems to me like you are trying to say that a big part of the earths population doesnt have the right to fight for a better life because there is people in worse conditions.
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I appreciate that I am not alone in having a better take
Yeah, don’t know about that, buddy. “Leftists are male-exclusive subtle fascists” reeks of “I have no clue about left wing ideology and my analysis of the world around me is based on a total lack of knowledge and a total lack of actual analysis”, but sure. Could be that leftists just do not respond well to you in particular.
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I do not tap into culture wars at all because that is some manufactured bullshit meant to take away focus on class struggle in the US, a country I am not even from. Feminism is not a product of this, but rather of the very same ideals that lay the foundation of socialism. Men abuse women in a multitude of ways all the time, and it is not close to symmmetric, which of course does not mean I refute the very real consequences of the converse.
Having the right positionsTM on the issues you bring in at the end, does not make me respect your disjointed post above.
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amen.
but that would require taking sex out of the equation. sex is what drives all of this misery on both sides. it’s much easier to empathize with people you don’t want to fuck, rather than seeing them as a in terms of sexual social dynamics, where those who are sexual desirable on both sides are given leeway in behaviour that is intolerable for those who are not sexual desirable.
I would absolutely agree with you, except for all the other lines humans are always eager to draw between ourselves to the point of undermining our own brothers and sisters. Race, religion, political affiliation, economic opinions, holy shit the lines we draw for socioeconomic status, these aren’t random divisions, we seek them out and make bright red angry lines, it is in our nature to draw lines in the sand between ourselves, a remnant of when there literally wasn’t enough to go around and only some survived a harsh winter.
To me, again, the first step would for us all to recognize this divisive nature within ourselves and acknowledge its existence to begin mitigating its detrimental effects using societal tools and culture eyes open. Same goes for greed, same goes for hate, our impulse to divide ourselves is destructive, our only hope is to acknowledge its there, it’s a near universal problem WE need to minimize.
We can’t though because we prefer to play pretend we are above our deeply ingrained animalistic programming, and would consider it insult to acknowledge those vestigial dark impulses are still part of us. But we need to, not to shame us, not to rationalize the cruelty that comes from them, but to add those variables into the equation of civilization so we can solve for homeostasis/relative happiness ans harmony. Denial/Repression is never the answer to anything. It makes things worse.
Online communities are hostile. Period. Stop making everything gendered.
If you read this comic and the first thing you’re concerned* about is how men feel, you’re part of the problem.
so true men dont have feelings there is no reason to care about what they think or how they feel or how things affect them. Empathy is wasted on men, not that u had any of that anyways.
Are you OK, son? Nobody said all that.
not verbatim.
Not at all, take a deep breath and start assuming best intent or you’ll stress yourself out.
maybe take ur own advice once in a while, also there’s a difference between seeing thru other peoples shit and assuming the worst.
Grow up
again u should take ur own advice, empathy often comes with age maybe ull have some in some years.
I am baffled by how humanity has managed to survive this long when so many men suck so fucking much. Then, when I think of it further, large portions of it was probably due to the women having no fucking choice, exemplifying one of many important ways in which men suck.
What about if I read it and thought, well online communities are hostile towards everybody?
They aren’t hostile in the same degree towards all groups. Sure, you may have people mock you on a voice chat after you get killed in a game, but the chances are nothing alike those of the harassment you will get for having a female voice.
