For example, I once saw a man throw his hat down in anger. He didn’t stomp on it which was kind of a let down.
Commuting home via train. It derailed. I didn’t really notice it because I had my headphones on and read a book. It was a slightly bumpy ride, but that sort of stuff happens, right? I only realised something was off when people started smashing in the windees and breaking open the doors, climbing off and running away.
I packed my stuff, hopped outside and looked at the train. Sure enough, it was fully off the tracks.
I’ve never been in that small town before and had no idea how to get home. So, I did the only reasonable thing I could think of: Finding the nearest local pub, drinking a pint of beer, having a smoke and figure things out from there.
Met a sweet couple about my age over there who were on the same train and lived in that area. We had a lovely chat, a few more pints and then they dropped me off at the bus stop from where I could get back home. We became close friends.
The camera shows the wheel break from the track, throwing the hero and the henchman to either side of the room. It cuts to the carriage in chaos, with people panicked at the motion. Then it cuts to you to break the tension.
Checks out.
I do tend to have a calming effect on people. Mostly because I can’t be bothered by anything beyond my control, so I just think “Eh, fuck it” and proceed as normal.
Why were people smashing windows? Is it dangerous to be on a train that’s derailed?
They just panicked and lost their cool. It’s way more dangerous what they did instead of waiting inside until emergency services arrive. By the time I hopped off, the entire area was swarming with paramedics , fire brigade and the guards. I was the last person on that train
Are you Simon Pegg?
Why, what’s the reference I’m missing? _
Ah, lol, did you refer to the Winchester? I guess many people in Ireland act that way, too. That’s where it happened. A healthy “oh well…” attitude.
The Winchester, yeah. I wouldn’t have thought of it if it weren’t a meme that you partially quoted!
edit: Clarification.
Fair. It wasn’t intentional on my end, it’s just a not uncommon attitude in GB and IE, I suppose. ^^
Had a shotgun put to my head and marched into a house of gang members because I dared to try to pick my sister up from a party. Got yelled at and threatened, and left without her.
Came back a little while later to try once more and found ems/police/fire all over the place. That same person with the same shotgun blew someone elses head off after I left.
I had a friend with me, we elected not to stop the second time. A day later the police questioned us, we were subpoenaed to testify, and both got threatened by gang members for years.
Good times.
…and what about your sister (he asked, trepidatiously)?
She was fine. She left after the shooting and got a ride home. We don’t talk anymore. She accused me of raping her when we were kids while she was in a troubled teen facility (I got to fly to Utah and talk to a room full of shrinks as a teenager!) got my whole family believing and accusing me… Until 10 years later when she did the same to our dad.
I feel for her, she’s had it rough but I’ve almost died, been ostracized and demonized by my entire family and the emotional shit that came with it as a teen. But she can get fucked.
She later (several years) went on to get arrested and convicted of selling coke, as well as conspiracy to sell. Got out, invited the police in while she had meth out on the table after calling them about methallucinations.
She got eaten by a grue.
I could only hope!
Damn. This is almost the plot of Primer.
Whoa, you are right!
Not a movie, but there was a period of time when my parents’ house had them living upstairs, my older brother, his wife, and their young son living in the converted basement, and me temporarily staying in a guest bedroom after I had just gotten out of the Army. And we all worked at the family pizza restaurant together.
It was the perfect TGIF sitcom scenario.
Also, true story, shortly after I moved out one of my younger brother’s friends moved into the guest room because of drama at home and our family gave him enough structure to straighten up and complete high school. It is exactly what would happen after my character got written out of the sitcom in season 4 and a beloved guest character got promoted to the regular cast…
At least he didn’t have to play your character while everyone acts like nothing is different.
Was there a laugh track? :)
Ha, barely. The situation was closer to Roseanne than Full House, but I enjoyed it.
I was walking through the city, watched as a man in a suit in front of me (I was walking behind him for a couple of blocks) picked up a briefcase beside a newsstand and got in the passenger seat of a waiting black car which drove off.
I’m in a spy movie, I guess.
In the 1960s the CIA used to leave instructions for their agents inside the buttholes of dead pidgeons.
Their logic was that ANYONE could pick up a random briefcase, but who’s going to pick up a dead bird.
They stopped doing it when some guy picked up the dead bird. The CIA thought a russian spy figured things out. Nope. Turns out they followed the guy, and did survielance on him for roughly an hour, as they gathered intel on how dangerous this guy was. They found no criminal background. So they stormed the house with armed guards. They found the dead pidgeons butthole covered in semen. The guy had no clue he just picked up government secrets.
You MF. You were telling the truth about the pigeon sex story. And you didn’t even tell me!
I mean…I directly said this was the case.
There’s also a post in my recent history where I asked if anyone wanted to put my hot dog in their mouth, and posted a picture of my gooey covered weiner. It got many downvotes.
Pocket dog?
Well I should HOPE nobody puts it in their pocket! Then it would get all linty, and you couldn’t enjoy the meaty salty flavor in your mouth, as it squirts it’s gooey topping down your throat.
Goodness! I hope he didn’t get a papercut from those instructions.
I had sex once.
Nice.
Nice.
Niiiiiiccee
With someone else?
Oh shit, is that a requirement?
Once
I had sex once.
Doesn’t count here, because the sex in the movies isn’t real.
That’s cool, she wasn’t real either.
Once i had a bike accident. The car was parked and the driver opened the door milliseconds before i drove by.
The bike smashed into his door and i went flying onto the other lane, where luckily no cars were driving at the time.
The movie like thing was that i landed rolling a few times and ended up on my feet without any injury or whatsoever. The bike was trashed, as was the car’s door. The driver was also pretty shocked about what happened. I was just wondering why nothing happened to me.
Ok, i was young ( 26 ) and I’m sure my body wouldn’t be so lucky nowadays.
On the lunch long time ago, I was complaining to my colleagues about surprisingly expensive pizza: “20 euros for the pizza! In some countries you would get a blowjob for that kind of money!” Few minutes later, another colleague joined us and I immediately told him: “This is 20 euro pizza!”. He answered: “What?? Did you get a blow job with it?” One female colleague noted: “I see you both visit similar kind of … restaurants”.
That sounds straight out of Seinfeld, I read “Did you get a blowjob with it?” with Kramer’s voice hahahaha
I saw a lady slip on a banana peel irl outside of the Disney store in Dublin, Ireland. I didn’t even know it was possible. I felt really bad bc I couldn’t go help her up because I was laughing so hard and had to go into the Disney store so it wouldn’t look like I was laughing at her. I was just more shocked that it actually happened.
My first kiss was in the rain.
Was the other person hanging upside down in a red and blue spandex costume?
Oh I wish! Although she would have probably asked why it wasn’t pink and black.
My second partner, I was with for about a year and a half. Our last kiss was in the airport, before they left the country for a year. We were both crying inconsolably. Their dad drove me home, the rain pouring down.
Then their ex followed them to that country and I was suddenly broken with after months of lovely video chats from afar. Ruined me for a good couple years.
Ouch, that’s definitely a movie plot. You failed, though, by not getting on a last-minute flight and chasing after her.
Ehhh it definitely worked out for the best—I’m married to the perfect person now hahaha
Was it raining? I hadn’t noticed.
Standing in a convenience store when a car comes crashing through the front, and broken glass flies all around all the customers including me. None of us got hurt, but it was scary AF. Car was being driven by an elderly person who confused the brake pedal with the gas pedal.
I was at Goodwill one time and I swear to you I heard a conversation almost exactly like this at the jewelry counter.
employee: hello how’s it going today?
customer: pretty damn terrible
employee: oh, uh… well I hope it starts getting better soon
customer: it never does
Was that customer perhaps a melancholy robot with a brain the size of a planet?
Once I worked a double with a coworker I had a small crush on. Towards the end of the shift, my sister called me. She was staying in a rural area on the other side of the state. She had started to drive home, and something had popped her tire. She had no spare, and no where was open… and she had an international flight in the morning. I told her, yup yup, I’ll go get her.
As soon as I got off my call, my co worker insisted that she go with me. “You’re going to need a co pilot.” After some back and forth, somehow we ended up taking her car even. That was at 8pm. It was really nice at first. I learned a lot about her. She told me about her fiance, and her upbringing in the south. We got to our destination at midnight, and both of us were bushed. We asked my sister if she could take the wheel for the way home. We both fell asleep.
My sister hit a deer at around 2am. We were still about 90 min from my car. Who do you call at 2am to drive that far to turn around and drive all the way back? I started making calls. We were dropped off at this truck stop; I am trying to be strong for these ladies; one of whom just had her car totaled and one of whom is my literal baby sister. One of my friends made the drive; and Ive got stories about her (which also might just be movie esqe). In any case, I took my co worker home, and then handed my keys to my sister gingerly, because she had some stuff to do at her house before my dad took her to the air port. She made her flight with 20 minutes to spare, at 830 am. My car was the first one she left in working order that night.
I spent the next month helping my coworker get around while my sister was abroad. Didn’t get the girl, but that’s the story of my life. This had stakes, and acts, and a second act turn!
Maybe like 20 years ago, my partner and I were at a couple-friends’ apartment on a hot sweaty summer day. The four of us sitting in a small circle on the hardwood living room floor, smoking a bowl… Nothing but the sound of the flicking lighter, and the squeaky hum of the ceiling fan providing us with some margin of relief from the heat. Ahh…
Then boom. The ceiling fan’s loose screw squeaked its last squeak and the whole fixture fell, heavy-ass motor assembly and all, exactly in the middle of our circle. One of the wooden blades nicked my friend on the way down for a bloody eyebrow. But the heavy middle part, which could’ve killed any of us, landed right in the middle of our little arms-length bowl circle. This wasn’t one of those skinny modern fans you install by yourself… The thing was freakin’ heavy.
“Whoa.”
We snatched a few Neighborhood Crime Watch signs from our rural neighborhood.
If anyone happens to have a recording from 1998 of when the Daily Show came out to rural PA and interviewed the state troopers and crime watch committee about it, we’ve been trying to find that recording for years. It was definitely during the Craig Kilborn years and I believe Steve Colbert was the field reporter who did the segment, but I’m not sure, because all those Daily show guys looked the same to me back before they got famous.
Jay Leno also did a Headlines bit on it, but that’s not nearly as fun.
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I did find a site dedicated to finding all the lost episodes, but they haven’t found mine yet. 🤷🏻♂️ I used to have one, but someone taped over it with Oprah.
About 15 years ago I was giving a presentation at a technical conference. This was me giving a presentation in front of a room full of about 50 other engineers. At this point in my career this was still pretty new to me, so I was nervous. It was getting time for my presentation and I needed to do a last minute nervous pee before I did my presentation.
I went to the bathroom, peed in a urinal, and then went to wash my hands. I pushed down the bathroom faucet and it exploded sending up a geyser of water about air a foot or two into the air. Now had I really been on a TV show, my pants would have been soaked in the crotch area, but luckily in real life I stepped back and didn’t get wet. However, this was the perfect setup for a young nervous engineer giving a technical presentation to be thoroughly embarrassed. Luckily I’m either not on a TV show, or I’m not the main character.
