Words

Hotmail was one of my very first email accounts but I believe Microshaft had already bought it by the time I signed up. I think I was about 12 or 13.

I think my AIM account is still technically active even though they shut it down. Don’t know what they did with all the accounts.

fuck.com?

(Don’t click that)

I still remember when AIM shutdown for good. That was a sad day.

I mean you could always make a new account to get the welcome email and photoshop the dates and times to make it look like it’s older. I imagine the look of the email now is different from 2003, tho.

Shiiit, actually that does make sense. I remember when Gmail gave you 10 invites for new accounts and you didn’t even get them right away. You had to earn them over time. So yeah, invites were regularly sold on the message boards I used to frequent.

Can you tell me an easy way to get Winamp up and running on a modern computer? Man, I miss Winamp…that shit really whipped the llamas ass.

I’m only as old as I feel and me and my wrinkled-ass dick feel pretty old

My penis is pretty old at this point…

What skin do you use, tho?

A private island

And only a trusted few would be allowed on it.

1. WaLL-E
2. Big Hero 6
3. Terminator 2

Paperhanded bitches

A couch is where you screw. A sofa is where you make love.

Ergo, a sofa is sexier than a couch.

But only if the flux capacitor gets up to 1.21 gigawatts

A car on fire on an entrance ramp. Thought it was a wildfire at first until I got closer and was weirdly relieved when I saw what it was.

I know! It’s that deadpan delivery that really sells the style.

Did you ever watch Quentin Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogs? Steven Wright does the voice over narration for K-Billy’s Super Sounds of the 70’s!

“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”

-Mitch Hedberg

What do you call ten thousand lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?

A good start.