Title says it all

  • Susaga@sh.itjust.works
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    8 months ago

    A duck walks into a bar wearing one shoe. The bartender says “hey buddy, you lost a shoe” and the duck says “nah, I found one!”

  • TastehWaffleZ@lemmy.world
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    8 months ago

    An underage weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says “sorry, I can’t serve you alcohol, you’re too young”. The weasel replies that’s ok, I’ll drink something else. The bartender says “well I have water, soda pop, and cranberry juice, what’ll it be?”

    “Pop!” goes the weasel

  • SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    8 months ago

    I called the wrong number today. I said ‘Hello, is Joey there?’

    A woman answered and she said ‘Yes he is.’

    And I said ‘Can I speak to him please?’

    She said ‘No, he can’t talk right now, he’s only two months old.’

    I said 'Alright, I’ll wait

    I’m sorry for spamming Steven Wright jokes. I’ll stop now

    • Sean@lemmy.worldOPM
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      8 months ago

      What do you call ten thousand lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?

      A good start.

  • Mostly_Gristle@lemmy.world
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    8 months ago

    Brian and Bob were walking through the forest when they came across a set of tracks.

    “Those are cougar tracks!” Bob exclaimed.

    “Hell, no! Those are coyote tracks.” Brain said.

    “I’m tellin’ you, I’ve been out in these woods since I was little, and those are cougar tracks!”

    “There’s no cougars in this part of the country. Those are coyote tracks!”

    Then they both got hit by a train.

  • ace_garp@lemmy.world
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    8 months ago

    Why did the orchestra get struck by lightning?

    It was because they had an excellent conductor.

  • ChronosTriggerWarning@lemmy.world
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    8 months ago

    If a threesome is with three people, and a foursome is with four, then i think i get why they call you handsome…

    What’s long and brown and sticky?

    A stick.

    What’s brown, and rhymes with “Snoop?”

    Dr. Dre.

    Why does Snoop carry an umbrella?

    For drizzle, m’nizzle.

    How does Helen Keller know when she’s done wiping?

    Taste test.

    I’ve got tons of this shit for when we’ve got downtime at work.