Not to brag, but, with a little bit of trainig, I think I can easily win against a trout, as long as the fight is not in the water. But we’re only talking hypotheticaly, of course. It would only come to that if the trout picks up the fight first and we don’t manage to resolve our issue with healthy communication… I’m not a monster.
my toxic trait is thinking I could win a fight with a goose
Me too i don’t know why internet strangers are afraid of them that much, unless you can’t use any type of weapon i guess
That’s the point, yes. This is unarmed.
A snake.
Because I’m Australian and grew up in the country, I was taught how to take them down with a sharpened shovel when I was five. Coincidentally, I got my first one a few months later in the garage when it rushed out of a tarpaulin toward me and I shoveled the head off, just like mum taught me. Common brown too (a.k.a Eastern Brown, but they’re everywhere. One of the most venomous snakes in the world).
My next one was a red-belly black snake that rushed out of a log. I used a mallet to crush the head and was 6. Also one of the venomous snakes in the world. We have most of them here.
Always go straight for the head with distance and speed.
It may sound cruel to not try scare them into an area and call someone for removal, but they’re just too dangerous. And if it’s there, it’s made territory there, so if you lose it it will definitely show up again. Most are aggressive, so you need to take the chance when you’ve got it because it’s simply more dangerous not to and come off second best next time.
It’s also common to deal with pythons, getting one sunbaking off the road or out of the house if it overstepped it’s boundaries. We like those ones though and definitely don’t hurt them, especially if they make home in the roof or under the house. They keep the possums and mice away, therefore the venomous ground snakes away. Roof python is snek bro and a very welcome guest. It’s sad when you notice one’s probably moved out :(
Not even roof snek can afford the rent now
After reading about you (justly) killing snakes, I’m very glad I got to learn about roof pythons.
I think someine I know set a garter snake on fire once- that’s about as much as I’ve interacted with them, anyway.
Are redbellies particularly dangerous? I’ve never heard of someone dying from one.
We had some living in the bush near where we used to play. They never bothered us at all, cowardly little ones.
I almost stepped on a young brown snake once when I was stoned, that was fun. Nothing sobers you up like the adrenaline your body puts out when you nearly got yourself killed. I was not anywhere where I could get medical attention in time.
Brown snakes are grumpy fuckers, they chase where most let you leave. Not a fan.
Redbellies are only aggressive if threatened, unlike the browns that gets territorial and will go you. Redbellies aren’t lethal as far as I know, but they’ll mess up the body bad, especially a kid; necrosis from clotting, nerve damage, huge swelling, etc. Also definitely depends on the bite. Used to be friends with a snake handler who got bit by a coastal taipan and got anti-venom within the hour, but ended up being a dry bite (or mostly) anyway.
The one I hit with the mallet had just been knicked by the neighbour’s chainsaw cutting up the log out of a huge fallen tree. I had the mallet because I was doing my kid best to hit steel wedges in to help split the wood off. Suddenly, very pissed off snake going toward me fast.
I can definitely kill an hour
Does an hour get prep time?
Yes it does, but I still get an hour
But time flies. Do you have a plan for that?
I can fight a blue whale. The whale would fail to perceive me as a threat, and so when it wanders away I win by default.
It’s been a long time since I got the old ‘your opponent walked away… YOU WIN’ Victory screen
There was an administrative mix up. They put an Orca in the arena.
It knows humans killed it’s brother.
Wild Orcas don’t prey on humans, but if we’re ignoring that fact I’d need a decent weapon.
I grew up in rural Canada. A guy I knew was drunk in the woods with friends and tried to ride a young deer that came up to them(the deer got used to people in that area feeding them, something that is not recommended) annnnnnd it beat the shit out of him and his 6 friends. He got a bad concussion and lost sight in one of his eyes.
Don’t fuck with animals. They are built different.
Oh deer…
The difference is literally life and death.
Animals are always on the bubble of life or death. Always. Everything is always about to kill/eat them, or something they might be able to kill/eat, so it’s a mix of curiosity and fear.
When that deer beat the shit out of your friend and his buddies, it was a life or death thing the deer was contending with thinking it was about to be killed and eaten, so nothing’s off the table to get out of that situation.
Meanwhile, your buddy and his friends were drunk and doing it for the lulz.
Deer will always win with those stakes.
Meanwhile, your buddy and his friends were drunk and doing it for the lulz.
Deer will always win with those stakes.
Tell that to all the drunk hunters out there
Doe
The Deer beat up 7 People? Holy Fuck.
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Better to just hoof it instead.
Shark, as long as we are on land. I’d just outrun him then call coup by hitting him with a stick while he’s gasping for air. I guess at that point I could take on a blue whale, but that would just make me feel like a dick. I’ll stick with the shark. Any shark, any time, 1.5 miles inland.
The chance of getting attacked by a shark on land are small, but not zero.
Could you take all the sharks in Missouri?
Are we all just going to ignore aquariums?
Yes
Ignoring aquariums is my favorite hobby! I do it for a couple of hours at least once a week!
Only if I’m allowed to bring my cats.
The sharks in New Mexico are dedicated. Who TF pissed off sharks and hid in New Mexico?
You might be one of today’s (un)lucky 10k
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bull_shark
Also, the maps includes captive shark attacks, such as bites at the Newport Aquarium in KY.
A technicality, but (most) sharks don’t gasp for air.
Give me a pointy enough stick and my tribe can take down any animal
“Your tribe? I’ve seen your tribe. There’s the guy that after years still won’t shut up about how the final goal in the finals should have been counted. The one that unsuccessfully tries to cover up his noxious farts by loudly yelling ‘What time is it?!’. Then there’s the one that was convicted of a minor felony and none of you will tell me what the crime was and you try to change the subject, but you refuse to ever go bowling with him again. Lastly there’s the one that looks and acts fairly normal, but is very reserved. Honestly he could do better than you guys and I’m not sure why he continues to put up with you all. He’s the only one of all of you I’ve ever heard utter the words ‘Thank you’ for anything, but even then he was talking to the cat. Yeah, I’ve seen your tribe. I think the animals are pretty safe from you all.”
When my father was younger he devised a plan to drop down out of a tree onto the back of a deer and take it down with a knife. He said it beat the shit out of him with its antlers. So I think I could take down a doe, a deer, a female dear.
Is your dad’s name Ray? A drop of golden sun?
No that’s me, a name I call myself.
Dough, some cash, a wad of cash
Ray, a guy who fixes cars
Me, the one who takes out the trash
Fa, the distance to the stars
So, a word that goes with well
LA, a city where we dwell
Tea, with honey it tastes swell
And that brings us back to dough!
(Credit: Animaniacs)
Maybe an especially passive grasshopper?
grasshoppers are scary. you must be a professional fighter.
The really green ones are nice and will just spit up. The brown ones are fiesty and bite.
A horse?! that guy is delusional… most men won’t have the ability to defeat (unarmed) anything bigger than a medium size dog…
Anything bigger will likely overpower a regular human, most smaller would just be too fast or have different, naturally occurring weaponry to defeat us
Travis Kauffman and C. Dale Petersen have entered the chat. Outside of rutting season, you can intimidate most large herbivores smaller then rhinos/hippos/elephant sizes by just posturing aggressively. Some breeds of cattle are just assholes and shouldn’t be messed with regardless.
I’ve heard in a fight against dog you should go for their snout
Horses are skittish and will run from you, maybe an athletic human who knows how to track could chase it down until it’s exhausted caveman style
What about those miniature horses?
Lol does the horse retreat count as a victory?
Yeah an adult horse can bash a human skull pretty easily. Definitely wouldn’t be my first pick
Yup. Humans aren’t large animals. If you want to compare bodysize, check the weights of the animals and the heights of everyone on all fours. Humans are mid.
Some of the larger dog breeds even weigh more than the average human
Do you get immediate medical treatment after, and is it free?
Assuming you’re not American, yes.
Lul, imagine thinking you won a fight, but after a while realising the great tit you wrestled with made you go bankrupt & now you have to pay loan interest for the rest of your life.
I mean… he won that one. I’d congratulate him on a well played feint as I died from lack of care.
We talking about combat or divorce?
Education actually!
Tbh, that makes Americans fight these predators on more equal grounds than the rest of the 1st world. Most predators have to make the calculus of how starving they are vs what is the potential damage they can take
Lul, this is actually a really good point.
But do not forget to specify, that you mean ‘in a fight’.
I pick a duck: Nobody said it had to be a challenging fight plus duck is delicious.
Bring it on you rapey bastard!
Rapey?
With their corkscrew dicks
Anything! Do I get guns? No? Oh well then nothing, nm.
Yeah, extremely important to specify what weapons you’re allowed to use.
A machete might be overkill for a sloth, but I think I’d still rather try the Apache helicopter for the experience.
But then you’ve already used up the Apache when the bear round comes.
AC-130 inbound
