“Here’s a box for your personal items, Steven will show you out.”
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In my experience HR speak comes from one of two places: either she’s actively controlling her emotions, or she’s scared of you. Usually the former, but I’ve seen the latter in friends. “Dude is mentally unstable, armed, and bad at boundaries, time to word an email like HR explaining very clearly what you’re allowed to do and not”
Literally 3 days ago, twins who were being cat called, one was stabbed to death because she rejected him.
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024/mar/18/twin-sisters-stabbed-new-york-brooklyn-deli
I hadn’t heard but I desperately wish I lived in a world where incidents like this were surprising
My tone was largely to avoid getting into an argument with the men who’ve received that tone. I’m entirely certain that if the man I’m referring to saw my comment he’d both get offended and assume he’s in the former (if he’s stopped blaming her friends for turning her against him)
As a male, it’s somewhat our jobs to teach the next generation that this behavior is not okay.
Not saying you have to be super active about it, but it’s no wonder some women are afraid of men. They’re much stronger and sometimes just straight up unhinged from generations of telling other men to stfu, man up, and go to war to fight for your country for no reason.
It’ll take a few more generations, but I really do hope we can break this cycle of abuse. It does kind of help that women have become smarter with their rights and they’re not going to reproduce with these types of men, but clearly the issue is still relevant because rejection could lead to death.
Dude, I’m a woman. And yeah random men are routinely terrifying out of nowhere. The only reason I don’t do the HR speak thing is because a) I don’t date men by nature of being a married lesbian and b) if I don’t feel safe calling you out on your bullshit I avoid you before I have to call you out on your bullshit. My time and safety are too valuable.
Exactly this. As a dude, I sometimes feel like I have to be the one to stand up and say something because I have more authority in THEIR minds. I swear some guys just hear women speaking as white noise.
It’s not generational trauma, as much as it is an attempt to feel powerful. It’s common for male macaques, chimpanzees, gorilla’s to assert dominance through violence. Especially when they don’t get their way. Females developed behaviors to avoid/combat male aggression. Such as simply letting a male mount them to avoid getting bitten more. It’s not forced copulation if you cooperate! That’s how chimps do. Who incidentally have the highest rates of violence against females of any primate. Which is impressive considering how violent they already are.
And humans are no different.
Women developed multiple behaviours that lower male aggression specifically. Crying and smiling both lower male aggression. Hence why women smile more and especially when nervous. Or cry more easily in stressful situations. Every girl I grew up with, was always cautious about rejecting a boy’s advances to avoid getting them angry. And so are the women, for good reason.
Men don’t just have a greater capacity for violence. They are more violent.
Correct. That’s the nature of it, now add generational trauma on top and you get our current society. Testosterone is a hell of a drug.
In my experience they just stop talking to you, as if hoping you’ll stop existing or something. I’m the one doing the “best wishes” shit, just to get some closure for my self.
I think it’s important to remember that everyone has different levels of emotional intelligence, and people like me who are mildly autistic are slow at learning appropriate responses. But more importantly, if someone treats you less than you’d like, it’s not a reflection of you.
Completely tangential, but why are the ‘s’ at the end of words starting to get cut out “She start talking ot you like she work for HR” should be “she starts talking to you like she works for HR”
its not like it saves you time, and it just sounds awkward and clunky to say.
It’s African American Vernacular English. Calling it “uneducated and improper” can and will be perceived as racist as it’s a legitimate dialect of the English language.
“African American Vernacular English” sounds like an awfully racist term for it.
…why? The term AAVE has been widely used for a while, including by Black Americans.
Because most people that use it aren’t African and many aren’t American.
If you still got the point of the post does the language matter if it doesn’t sound exactly the way you speak?
Yes it is a tangent and it wasn’t appropriate to derail.
It’s really not as kind as a person thinks they are being when no one asked them to correct their grammar. It doesn’t show respect to the topic or the person speaking. Something about not letting perfection prevent progress. And honestly it wasn’t hard to understand what the OP was saying so even going the ‘hard to understand’ excuse wouldn’t fit for a grammar troll to stretch their legs out on here.
Does it not get exhausting to constantly get butthurt over the most trivial bullshit you read online?
And then call you a week later when they need something
I’ve played this game before, although not entirely as formal. It’s basically when you don’t want to ghost each other, and you’re both being or attempting to be polite about it so that you can keep them as a possibility for later.
I’m not saying to be uncivil, but that’s usually what’s going on, and it’s really obvious when you don’t have any long term commitments between each other that won’t need to be resolved in the future.
It’s almost like she’s trying to be polite because she knows that sometimes guys turn violent when they’re rejected.
EDIT: Look, I’m getting tired of this. Not a single person arguing with this is having a conversation about this that is based in reality, they are just trying to twist words to make it sound like maybe there’s some equivalence here. Have some statistics from Australia. You can look them up for your country if you care:
https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/people/crime-and-justice/personal-safety-australia/latest-release
Those discrepancies are shocking but not really that surprising if you’ve lived in society at all. Also, this is just rates of violence, of any kind. It says nothing at all about the consequences of that violence. I’ll bet if you looked into that it’s worse for women too. If you’re wondering why so many categories don’t have rates of violence against men, it’s because they have a “high relative standard error”, which is statistics speak for “the rate is so low we can’t properly measure it”.
But if you’re saying, “NOt All mEn” in the face of this reality then let’s be real, you don’t actually give a shit about this. You just feel personally attacked and you want to deflect. Men getting mad because their fragile egos are bruised. Maybe some of them would turn violent if a woman said it to their faces. As they say, a hit dog will bark.
Woah now, you better not be insinuating that men and women are anything but exactly equal in their temperament. The salty dudes on Lemmy won’t let you get away with telling them otherwise.
I’ve been in a handful of conversations over the last couple weeks with men on this platform that don’t understand the concept that women have to treat men a specific way for fear of the few of them that can be violent.
Apparently watching out for your own safety as a woman by treating men differently is sexist and completely unacceptable.
Woah now, you better not be insinuating that men and women are anything but exactly equal in their temperament.
I’ve honestly been taught that blanket statements about sex/gender are usually not fine. So this sort of shit feels wrong in that sense and of course hurtful when you’re at the receiving end of a negative blanket statement. I’m sure many can agree with that sentiment in general terms, whether it’s based on skin colour, sex/gender, sexual orientation or whatever.
Apparently watching out for your own safety as a woman by treating men differently is sexist and completely unacceptable.
I mean treating all men different is sexist and prejudiced. There’s really no way around that. Whether this sort of blanket prejudice is justified in this case, could be. But also that’s not a great look, to justify statistics or stereotype based prejudice.
1 in 3 women experience sexual assault of some kind in their lifetimes. 99% of the perpetrators are men.
It’s not unreasonable for a woman to avoid putting herself in a situation that a potential predator can take advantage of or retaliate against her for. Talk to a woman you know about this. I’m tired of having this conversation with men who don’t understand and just get offended.
So this sort of shit feels wrong in that sense and of course hurtful when you’re at the receiving end of a negative blanket statement
You have been on the receiving end your entire life if you are a man, and 9 times out of 10, you have not noticed because it does not affect you. It’s not about you, especially if you aren’t a predator.
I’m tired of having this conversation with men who don’t understand and just get offended.
Easy solution would be to talk about it in a manner that doesn’t need a clarification that’s you don’t think all men are like that. That’s really the issue with the way this is discussed.
Nobody is denying the situation here, but rather taking offence to being labeled because of their gender.
You have been on the receiving end your entire life if you are a man, and 9 times out of 10, you have not noticed because it does not affect you.
I’m sorry but receiving end of what?
But if you’re saying, “NOt All mEn” in the face of this reality then let’s be real, you don’t actually give a shit about this. You just feel personally attacked and you want to deflect. Men getting mad because their fragile egos are bruised. Maybe some of them would turn violent if a woman said it to their faces. As they say, a hit dog will bark.
“If you are bothered by blanket statements and sexism towards you, it’s just because your ego is bruised and you might actually be the violent person I’ve painted you as.”
Incredible logic.
No. The point is we can’t ask vulnerable people to throw caution to the wind when around those who have the ability to harm them.
Part of being one of the good ones, is not taking it personally when someone who doesn’t know you are safe, takes steps to try and make sure you won’t harm them. Because they can’t know for sure that you wouldn’t.
This is almost word for word what racists argue. You even used the term “one of the good ones”, holy hell. How do you not see how fucked up this is?
Part of being one of the good ones, is not taking it personally when someone who doesn’t know you are safe, takes steps to try and make sure you won’t harm them. Because they can’t know for sure that you wouldn’t.
It’s hard to not take it personally when a group you’re member of is being made negative blanket statements about and when those who think it’s hurtful speak up, they’re mocked. And then there’s the belittling language about how if you are “one of the good ones” you should just take it and “make sure you won’t harm them”.
It’s one thing to say that yes, women are more cautious around men and there’s some reason for it. But it’s the blanket statements, "“NOt All mEn” and “just ignore it” shit that bothers me. That’s not fine imo.
