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Start referring to her as your sexy Gorilla

This will probably end in disaster

Rent a tuxedo and a limousine; tell her you’re taking her out for a nice night, and do so - dinner at a nice restaurant with drinks and all that. Candles and shit. Before dessert comes, get down on one knee. Look her in the eyes and tell her how much she means to you - how you’ll always love and cherish her. Reach into your pocket, and pull out a Venus. Maintain eye contact. Then pop the question.

“M’lady, may I gently suggest you trim the hedges of your nethers?”

Serious answer:

I was the lady in this situation.

Just say you’d love it if she trimmed tight or shaved. She can always say no, you aren’t attacking her, just expressing a preference. Same as if she said she’d love you to shave, right?

Play “Fortunate Son” and/or Huey helicopter noises every time you go down.

Just grow out a nice thick beard and go down on her until she turns the tables on you.

Compliment her on her luxurious and erotic moostash.

Get a miniature machete like the ones they use in the films to cut vines etc. when trying to get through a jungle and bring it with you when you are going down on her.

Bonus points if you get a jungle outfit like nigel thornberry.

Sneeze every time you go down

“You know how I like things to stay smooth between us?”

Baby, I feel like I been cat-grooming a fuckin Snatchsquatch. I got hot towels, a basin of hot water, clippers and a razor. Spread em. I’m killing that fuckin thing.

Ask her if she’d like a bigger brush … or a lawnmower

I don’t like shaven. I love a nice mouthful of hair.

Rub it and say “Argh! Nice leg beard!”

Next time you go down on her, start by pulling out some floss.