(shamelessly stolen from an imgur dump)
I’m going to take the free gravel and 7 inch teleportation. The gravel is a valuable commodity which can be sold. 7 inches is enough to get through any doorway.
deleted by creator
The scifi book Battlefield Earth uses teleportion as a means of propulsion. The teleportation gives fighter planes a defensive and offensive advantage.
By far the least crazy idea L. Ron Hubbard ever had
Does the teleportation create an exact copy of you and destroy who you are, or does it just move you exactly and rebuild your brain perfectly so you’re exactly the you you were before the teleport?
but when i see a pill it kinda seems like a one use kinda thing
Feel like these are definitely permanent status effects
I thought this was like the Matrix, it gives you that ability.
Maybe you gotta take a pill every time you want to teleport
I would imagine it would be like Arm pumping.
Removed by mod
Ok wiseguy:
- hold 8 inch icicle up to someone’s head
- teleport 7 inches forward
- “we can’t figure out what killed em!”
I was going to squinch up real tight every time and only teleport through glass doors
That’s how you lose your butt
What happens though? It just gets cut off?
Leaves a nut shaped hole in the door and that part of the door appears where your butt was
If you can make sure it’s just your nose that gets stuck, then pair it up with pill #4, you’ll be good. Hope that helps lol
deleted by creator
Too bad your clothes stay on the other side. I guess you can try to teleport out of county lockup too
Cops dont even show up to actual crimes. Aint no one grabbing the naked dude blipping in and out of reality as they pass through walls.
If your clothes stay behind, then what else does?
Dirt, dust, dead skin? Oils? Gut bacteria? Dental fillings? Food you just ate? Oxygen in your lungs? Oxygen in your blood? Implants for sure, right? What about hair, or nails?
I can imagine a scenario where someone tries this ability for the first time only to wind up naked, perfectly clean-shaven, bleeding profusely from every orifice and extremity, breathless and doubled over in pain, convulsing on a pile of shit, hair and other gross, getting their back sliced open by disembodied toenails.
And do you swap places with matter at your destination or just fit your pieces around and into whatever is already there?
If you don’t swap, you could end up with air in your blood stream and bacteria and fungal spores everywhere. And a chance of nuclear fusion depending on how close atoms end up to each other. And if it can fuck with things at a nuclear level, it will also fuck with them at a chemical and structural level.
Or if you do swap, it becomes a powerful weapon where you just pop into someone’s body, putting the parts of them you overlap with where you used to be, then you just pop back out in a different spot. Bank vault door is too thick? Just teleport multiple times and you’ll get through safely as long as you can remain pretty still while going through it. If you can constantly teleport a tiny distance, you might be impervious to all attacks because stuff would get swapped before it impacts you, but that “might” is doing a lot of lifting. Though you probably also wouldn’t be able to hear sound, so you would be vulnerable when having conversations or listening to music.
What this comes down to is too few details. The fine print definitely matters
Also if you can telelport but leave your poop behind think how easy pooping would be!
Why is everyone choosing whatever pill(s) they want to and describing what they’d do with it?
The instructions explicitly say you can only pick 2. Everyone gets gravel. Smh.
That’s all I want anyways though it would be cool to speak another language.
2 and 3 easy.
Free gravel for life. So I have an endless supply of product I can sell for profit? Yes please.
And I see no time-limit on the teleportation. 7 inches at a time. Sure. But what stops me from instantly teleporting another 7 inches? And who says I can only do it horizontally. Pretty much giving me the ability to fly here. I’ll take it.
I agree with your choices but your logic for the teleportation doesn’t hold up. You’ve assumed your momentum wouldn’t be conserved through the teleportation in a weird way. Assuming momentum is conserved, you would still fall just as quickly. In fact, you would reach terminal velocity in short order, and would have to continually teleport to keep yourself from crashing into the ground. By itself that would be bad enough, but you moving through the air between teleports would cause the air to move as well, so assuming you could keep up and hold your elevation, your velocity relative to the ground would increase to some number higher than terminal velocity. Think Chell continually falling through portals. Now you’re stuck unless you can also teleport slightly to the side without falling. Best case you go to one of those indoor skydiving places and get in so you can slow down without dying. I was going to explore what would happen if your momentum somehow wasn’t conserved, but that would imply some absolute fixed frame of reference or magical mumbo jumbo, neither of which exist.
You could totally travel faster though, without even needing to walk. You would also be super dangerous in one on one combat sports. A well placed 7 inch teleportation can easily get the win in the right sports.
I disagree with your teleportation assessment. Just as I don’t think my momentum would be conserved, you think it is. You have no more reason to believe it would than I have to believe it wouldn’t. Because there’s no foundation for teleportation as it doesn’t exist.
I’m not sure what logic you want to use with something that is made up. But im gonna go ahead and assume my teleportation will work on my rules since no rules were ever specified.
You can feel free to use whatever made up rules you want for your own magical power.
Conservation of momentum is a law of nature, making it natural to assume it would still hold even with a hypothetical power. But you do you. It’s ok to be wrong sometimes.
But what if teleportation doesn’t move you from A to B, but just lets you disappear and reappear while you’re just standing there, so that there’s no momentum at all?
No momentum at all relative to what? Relativity tells us that there is no fixed frame of reference. In practice what that means is there is no universal zero velocity. You only have velocity relative to other things. The implicit assumption in your argument is that you would have no momentum relative to the earth, which in itself is problematic. After all, the earth spins at a rate of 360 degrees per day, so not moving relative to the earth would mean moving 463.83 m/s relative to the surface of the earth at the equator, which is supersonic. But maybe you mean relative to the surface of the earth. What if you go to the moon? Or mars? Or into orbit? Maybe you mean relative to the nearest big thing. If you could somehow teleport from the ground into a plane, would the plane count as the nearest big thing? What about a bus? That’s on the ground, so maybe the nearest big thing would be the ground, if the mass of the thing matters in how the nearest big thing is determined. You can see how this can quickly turn into a mess of rules and special cases.
But Midi-chlorians…
I was going to say 2 and 3 for the exact reason. And just dumping large amounts of gravel in random places.
I think the teleport one is only a one timer. You take the pill, you teleport away for 7 inches.
Free gravel for life. Just become a gravel wholesaler. Corner the market instantly.
The price of gravel has plummeted. You now have a mountain of gravel and no one willing to buy it for more than what it would cost to transport it.
So what you’re saying is, I have a ton of free rocks!
Let’s goooooo
2 and 3 without question.
You’d make ludicrous money from the construction industry with an unlimited supply of gravel, while being able to teleport 7 inches would be useful for break-ins.
It depends. Is 7" measured from the center of my body to the next location? Or is it measured from the tip of the front of my body and the back of my body will end up 7" away from that position? Because the former would likely be useless for breaking into places. My body would make up the majority of the travel distance. I basically would only have 1"-3" or teleport distance to work with. Most walls wouldn’t even work.
As someone else said, if I could spam the teleport command, then it would be great. Then I could travel across oceans and such. But I’d have to be careful to not transport myself inside of a boat’s hull and get spliced.
The gravel would be great though. With an unlimited supply, I’d just create a turbine which is turned by an unlimited amount of gravel pouring over it. The gravel would have to end up somewhere… Can’t just leave it on earth. So I would ask countries - in exchange for the free energy - to build a space elevator/launching mechanism. The gravel would be launched into space towards the sun. This would be a problem in a few million or billion years. I’d accelerate the death of the sun by increasing its mass or maybe my gravel would add too many sunspots. Idk. But who cares. By then we will be space faring. One major issue is I’ll die in 50 years give or take. So I’ll need to spend most of my time spawning a surplus of gravel somewhere so the governments of the world can continue turning the turbine? Idk. That’s a big problem.
Maybe I’d just start a construction company.
Another thing to consider, if you miss your mark, do you blink as close as possible to the object you’re trying to go through or does it impale/telefrag you?
Definitely impale
Definitely impale
Well option 3 suddenly sucks a lot more.
Maybe it’ll be a neat party trick.
The teleport for break-ins only works if you and the object you want to go through are less than 7 inches thick. I’m not sure you could do anything with it
Most doors and fences are, in fact, less than 7 inches thick. You probably couldn’t get into a vault, but simple B&E would be trivial.
Yes, but how thick are you? If you are 7.1 inches thick, your back will move forward into the thing you’re trying to avoid.
Ah, I figured it was measuring front to back, not center to center. I’d say they’re both valid interpretations.
It matters what the definition of you is. If it is the most abstract form of you then your thoughts are everywhere you deem them and the 7 inch rule is nullified and you can be transported anywhere.
Well if I can only pick #2 I guess I’m gonna get free gravel.
clap
Dude all I’m thinking about is redoing my driveway. All these other people are looking to be gravel tycoons.
Yeah do you get like a choice of gravel? Because I’ve got a bluestone driveway that’s in piss poor condition, so being able to pick the matching flavor would be really convenient.
2 and 7. Free gravel? Sign me up that shit’s expensive. And I think another way to interpret 7 is that you can instantly tell whether any closed container is empty or not, since you can only see into empty containers.
2 and 7 feels OP compared to any other combo by a mile. Definitely getting nerfed in the next patch.
For some reason my mind skipped straight past 2 so I never considered it. I was going to go 5 and 7. 7 for the same reasoning as your own, and I could probably use 5 as some sort of weird toaster-only magic show to make money. 2 Is definitely the far superior moneymaker here, but I’d probably go with 5 anyway because it’d be more fun to have as an ability.
Depending on the exact rules, you could probably control anything you can bolt a toaster to.
For no real reason other than it sounds reasonable in my head, my personal head canon is that you can’t move anything heavier then the toaster itself. So a cloth on top of the toaster is fine, but a car just wouldn’t fly.
It’s fun to imagine what it would mean with no limits though. Could I send the earth spiraling into the sun simply by placing the toaster on the floor?
Even with limitations, like, would installing a toaster into a car, pimp my ride style, make the car a driveable toaster?
Depending on the fine print that comes with these powers, some of them could be significantly less useless than they appear.
For instance, “look 10 hours younger.” Always, or can you do this on command? Can do you it on command more than once? Does the effect stack? Does it include your clothes? Etc. Because if it for example includes your clothes and/or makeup, you could use this to disguise yourself pretty elaborately, or equip yourself with a lot of stuff about your person in advance, then take it off and show up anywhere up to 10 hours later and conjure that stuff out of the air. Imagine the Matrix lobby scene, except you don’t have to set off the metal detector on your way through.
Infinite gravel could be pretty OP if you can conjure it at a fast rate, and especially so if you can conjure it at a remote location. Like, above your enemy’s head. Or inside his vehicle. Etc. Even if it’s just some kind of deal where you present your magic coupon at the Gravel Depot, you could corner the world’s supply. There are a lot of roads that need building in the world.
Or if your 7" teleportation range has no cooldown period, you could just chain-teleport pretty much anywhere that doesn’t require passing through anything thicker than 7". That’s tantamount to flight or super speed running, but you could do it without removing your asscheeks from your chair. Or depending on how the telefrag rules work, you could cause a lot of damage to anyone or anything you wanted by just teleporting through taking 7" bites out of your target each time.
#7 could be useful for gambling - when you can see into one container but not the other, you instantly know which one has the prize in it.
Due to a recent Supreme Court ruling certain areas classified as wet land by the US Corp of Engineers are no longer under build restriction. To make them buildable they need fill. A few million tons of gravel fill seems like something someone would pay a lot of money for.
you can’t teleport through things because you are thicker than 7"
If you think about it, if looking 10 hours younger was constant, you basically created eternal youth. I’d say that’s pretty great.
Does the gravel have to be delivered or does it appear out of thin air?
It comes out of your nose
That second nose might be useful after all
Can one decide where to grow it? I’d rather it not be on my face. I think the butt crack would be the most inconspicuous place, however it might not be inactive.
Decisions decisions…
- No stipulations on how frequently I can teleport 7". Like, can’t I just teleport 7" constantly and very quickly? Also, sounds like I could probably use this ability to fly.
Unfortunately, teleporting doesn’t reset your velocity. You can start flying, but good luck landing without a parachute
If teleportation is instant you can still kind of cheat and be faster than the ouchie speed
Teleport and spam it. Go hundreds of miles an hour
24 hour cool down on the teleport skill in the next balance patch.
Totally nerfs that power. I’ll go with the free gravel.
3 and 4: Fastest Bloodhound in the West
Imagine being able to generate gravel over every single road crack and never fixed hole.
Amazing.
You can’t generate it man. You fill out a form and put a postage stamp on it and then they give you a shipping date and you still have to pay for delivery, the gravel itself is of course gratis though.
Delivery of a ton of gravel costs more than the actual gravel.
2 and 3
Assuming I have the ability to Summon free gravel
I could use it for all sorts of things such as making money, using it as a throwing weapon, etcetera
With the teleportation I could just chain I and travel to any country while maintaining a safe speed limit for my body during transition in and out of teleporting
Yeah no contest. Gravel can be sold, can teleport through walls or doors
Everyone is saying 2 for the economic benefits of gravel, but you gotta approach this like a monkeys paw curse. Where is the gravel coming from? Best case it manifests, but physically that’s unlikely. Maybe a box of gravel every week like a weird sweepstakes? Again, if you’re lucky.
No, in this scenario you get free gravel… in your shoes… every moment of every day and every time you take your shoes off and remove the trace amounts of gravel, the moment you put them back on its there again. Always just enough to annoy you and never when you want it.
Oddly enough I think reviving the lost language is probably the least likely to curse you. I mean, maybe it means you lose something else in your brain (like all the other useless trivia I know and all the names I forget) but you’d probably be able to get recognition from academic linguists enough that you probably could get enough journal submissions out of it to have a modest career at a second rate university somewhere.
Free gravel for life. It kills you instantly.
Most likely with the language the monkey’s paw would be that you can’t speak any other language. I imagine you’d also be unable to learn any other language again. At any rate, linguists would still celebrate and you’d just have to make friends with people who want to learn that language for some professional, academic reason
Congratulations, you now speak Khitan and only Khitan. Good luck finding one of the few researchers in the world who will understand that you are speaking an extinct language before being thrown in the looney bin for spouting nonsense Andreas Toma-style
I’d pick teleport but I’m afraid of the splicing consequences.
I’d rather just see inside empty objects. I’m sure I could use this in some circumstances. Being able to “know” if a box is empty or not could be perceived as super natural. There is probably a lot of money in that. Plus, a lot of gambling opportunities in things like that cup game. What defines a container? That could change things.
Controlling any toaster with my mind is ambiguous. I’ll assume it only works on toasters with power. So I can only turn them on/off to make toast. I could use this power to destroy countries. Power draw of a toaster isn’t too bad, but every toaster being turned on at the same time might damage an energy sector. It would take a while to debug as well.
I like the free gravel.
I think I’d pick free gravel and… Seeing inside empty objects. Seems like the most profitable with the least chance of a monkeys paw.
Everyone discounts oyster knowledge… But is the gravel unlimited? Like could I just demand 730,000 Tonnes of gravel tomorrow?
Weal, gravel be upon ye
