I was getting ready to leave my girlfriend’s apartment. We had gone out for a walk and ended up having dinner. It wasn’t a formal date or anything, we had been together, officially, for nearly 6 months by that point.

We hugged and just kept hugging. Not petting or getting frisky, just holding each other and enjoying each other’s company for the final few moments of the evening.

It just came out, I said “I love you.”

She tensed and was silent for what felt forever. Long enough to start thinking I just either ended our relationship, or caused serious damage.

Just when I was about to disengage from her, she relaxed looked up and gave me a very very nice kiss and said; “I love you too.”

At the time I lived nearly 20 miles away from her and I do not remember the drive at all.

That was 21 years ago. We have two teenage boys now and happier now than we were back then.

In case someone wonders why I didn’t stay with her that night, it was a weeknight. We both had work the next day and she had an earlier morning than usual. The following weekend we spent the whole time together.

The day I was born. It was all downhill from there.

My engagement. We were in a long distance relationship until then (and for a while after)and after the engagement party we went to get hot chocolates and were finally able to be together. It was amazing.

The first night of my first cruise. I proposed.

I was planning on waiting, but it seemed like an appropriate thing to do on the happiest day of our lives.

I found a penny about 10 years after they were discontinued in my county. Such an amazing day.

There was a weekend in 2006 where I had absolutely nothing to do despite a full schedule for months on either side. I stayed in my apartment and played video games and just existed happily without being molested for three whole days.

I have had children and received promotions and all of that, but all of those experiences are laced with a bit of anxiety. That weekend though was just pure, light joy for three days and it is something I revisit mentally, constantly. Make sure to enjoy those little times too.

Two. First when my son was born. Great day.

Second was when I was trying a Jackson guitar in some store. I had been trying with music for awhile. Never made it huge but had some decent sized shows and then I got in an accident and lost a finger. Had to totally change how I used my pick hand to keep going. Probably lost some speed with my palm mutes. But learned to play lead better.

Well I was playing this Jackson and I shredded the pick all over the pick guard. Just fucking around with a Mesa Boogie Triple Rec. I look up and some kid about 8 years old said “You’re awesome!”. And I just told him “keep practicing kid.”

Never made it big. But man it feels good to inspire a new player.

June 25, 2009

No, not because Michael Jackson died, I had my first ever date and got a girlfriend.

When I learned to smoke fish on the BBQ, I invited my family over, and my sister asked for a second serving.

Day I got married.

Next would be the time the bartender offered me the half pint of beer for free while he went to change the keg.

I don’t know the exact date but it was a spring day a little over 20 years ago now. I was in my early 20s and spent a lot of my free time hiking, camping, etc. At that time I was really heavily into caving, especially vertical caving where we would use ropes, harnesses, etc to explore chasms.

This particular day I was on a several day camping trip to a really popular area in a national park. In the night a big rainstorm came and everything flooded. I had been there several days with my friend and we didn’t get the memo about the storm coming and were curious why nobody else was camping there when it was usually packed that time of year.

The next morning we awoke and this campground (on the banks of a river) was halfway underwater. We soon learned that our road out was also underwater so we were trapped at the campground. We had plenty of supplies as we had been there several days with intentions to explore caves, etc.

Now from this campground there was a really popular hike through a canyon with stone arches, cool caves, waterfalls, etc that was normally packed. Since we had the place to ourselves we decided to do the hike. I should mention that this was quite dangerous as the first mile or so of the trail was now under 2+ feet of moving flood waters. We had wetsuits (for caving) and ropes so we geared up and braved the flood waters.

Dear reader it felt like such an epic adventure. I knew the landscape well from being there many times but this time was magical. There were massive waterfalls everywhere rushing through the green spring foliage. We had to use our technical rope skills to safely cross rushing white water streams but everything was so beautiful and dangerous.

I haven’t done it justice of course but it was just this perfect day where everything came together. I was young and healthy, I had my best partner with me, we had all of the right gear, the road being underwater meant we had the whole area to ourselves, and everything had been magically transformed into a waterfall adventure park for us to play.

I’m still chasing that feeling of pure joy I had that day.

When I proposed to my now husband.

A specific day? I’m not sure. But I helped put my family back together after an absolutely brutal year that went straight into the pandemic. I brought my divorced parents back together. Not together-together, but they’re friends and we all hang out together. I care for my mom with my wife and sister’s help; got her much healthier and off alcohol. I care for my dad and got him independent. I helped mend their relationship. I mended my relationship with my brother who I didn’t speak to for years in lieu of this fallout and after battling it out with literally hundreds of thousands of words back and forth in letters.

I have one last puzzle to solve. In time, hopefully…

I’ve been so happy and grateful to spend time with my family largely as a whole again. To see my parents brighten up so much while playing with their grandkids is something I’ll always have as a core memory. Takes me back to my own childhood, too.

When asked if I’m better off now than I was 4 years ago, I can’t answer more instantly and definitely yes. I never want to go back to those terrible years, where covid was the least of my issues. Sure there is a lot of chaos in the world right now and this election is making me anxious, but I know my kids and family are much better off than what people are dealing with elsewhere in the world right now and I refuse to take that for granted.

So I guess I’m expressing a more slow burn of contentment.

I can’t really think of one worth mentioning

My wedding day and they days both my kids were born.

Cliche I know.