I would like to introduce tentacle guy to tranquilizer man.

My wife waiting for the cum to dry so she can wash her face:

I think you can buy a baby cow for less than that

Sometimes I wonder if the FBI guy assigned to monitor my suspicions online activities upvotes, or downvotes my comments.

Pour a bucket of water over it for liquid cooling

Oof lol

Bang on the stall wall and tell them to give you their toilet paper

Are you kidding this is in my top 3 ways to die! 80, on a tropical island, and with nobody near me!

The other two ways involve explosive vests.

Human bean

Pink one was cute 😍

Be the change you wish to see in the world. Kill an archduke out front of your local sandwich shop.

They both have very little to do with the Epstein files.

Indonesia wasn’t a nation state until 1945. They were, in a roundabout way, a product of postwar decolonisation.

How long before the cartels start kidnapping US citizens and forcing them under duress onto fast boats?

How long til the US Govt starts blowing them away anyway?

If you’re on a plane with Trump, Putin, Xi, musk, and 30 other billionaires, and you have a gun with only one bullet, who do you shoot?

The pilot.

Keep trying, fellas!

If you’re driving, why are you also riding the bus?

Ohh, school pick up lines as in, a line of cars picking up students. Not pick-up lines, like “Hey baby, can you show me where music class is, cause I feel like playing in A minor.”

“I am never gonna financially recover from this.”

the memory of what your unit did in Afghanistan never really leaves you