I’ve had it up to here with people saying JD Vance had sex with a couch. How many times do I have to say there’s no evidence JD Vance had sex with a couch before people stop saying JD Vance had sex with a couch? Liberals must be pretty desperate to make up that JD Vance had sex with a couch. The story that on March 17, 2011 JD Vance was banned from a Cleveland area IKEA after so thoroughly deflowering a KIVIK Sofa Chaise that it had to be removed as a biohazard due to the various fluids in and around it, causing the night manager to not only quit but need intensive therapy is beyond the pale. Who would believe this? There is sworn. court. testimony. that JD Vance has not made bare skin contact with a couch within the past 5 years. That’s a fact. Look it up. The idea that this is because JD Vance cannot contain his overwhelming sexual urges in the presence of soft furniture is reckless conjecture. Calling JD Vance a couchfucker is slander and you need to take it back.
The Left™ will do anything to avoid talking about the real issues in this campaign, like the fact that Kamala Harris laughs sometimes.
It’s funny you say that. However it’s a Fox News person that’s asking for this.
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Harris also has the skull shape of a Marxist! And the fact that she’s a girl will make all the other manly nations call us Sissies!
Hey guys, it’s time to mature up and admit that Vance probably did not have sex with a couch.
He made love to it. Also, the couch was totally asking for it.
You know the couch was into it… When the couch doesn’t want it, nature has ways of just shutting all that down.
I heard the couch was dressed like a total loveseat, and wasn’t even wearing a cover.
Lets call it what it is, folks. It was rape. He raped that couch. Just because the couch had a suggestively placed throw, doesn’t make it OK.
The couch was asking for it, wearing that slip cover!
If the couch didn’t want fucked why was it wearing those sexy cushions?!!
Showing off it’s legs. Disgusting.
Too bad it wasn’t a bed because then we could talk about how short the bed skirt was.
It was totally consensual
-The couch
The AP was correct to pull the article. Nobody can definitively say “J.D. Vance did not have sex with a couch” just that “J.D. Vance did not write about having sex with a couch in his memoir, ‘Hillbilly Elegy’.”
We don’t even know he didn’t write about it. All we can definitively say is that the story about J.D. Vance fucking a couch did not appear in the published edition of Hillbilly Elegy.
Did he fuck a couch? Did he write about fucking a couch? Only Vance can tell us for sure and he’s probably too busy fucking a couch.
Comment above yours states that it is in there
If everyone is saying it there must be something to it.
How many of those comments are just parroting others?
I’m not sure but if everyone is saying it there must be something to it, dude definitely enjoys the chaise.
I disagree on that concept. Just because a lot of people are saying something doesn’t mean there is something to it. Should we look at it? Absolutely yes
But there is a guy who made a comment that says his grandma (or maybe it was his mom can’t remember) read the book so I’d ask who else has actually read the book?
Good example of group think: lots of people thought disco was good.
I agree with you 100%. We should absolutely be asking why JD Vance would fuck a couch, if in fact he fucked a couch. And why so many people would be talking about JD Vance fucking couches if he didn’t.
It doesn’t really change anything for me but I don’t think I’ll be letting that guy around my couches. Not because I honestly think JD Vance fucks couches but it’s better to be safe than sorry.
edit: Personally I don’t want to read the kind of filth a couch fucker would write so I haven’t read the book but I have it on good authority that people are saying JD Vance admits to fucking at least one couch.
The bookstore I was at a few years ago you could get a copy signed by a Chesterfield for an extra buck. Make of that what you will
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Finally, a use case for AI that I can really get behind!
Kidding, please god no one deepfake that weirdo going to town on a totally innocent sofa. Fuckin nightmare fuel.
Rule 34, it’s already a thing.
Tell them it’s on Hunter’s laptop and watch them implode!
We’ve finally found a job for AI.
Ah yes, a Deep Fake.
I bet it isn’t very deep
Lol
Just the tip and only for a minute.
Not to kink shame you, Jesse, but maybe keep what titillates you to yourself.
Anyway, by now there’s bound to be porn with a Vance lookalike fucking a couch, so you’ll get what you need for the most part.
Did Jesse Walters have a fetish where he watches people fuck couches? I’m just asking questions here.
He never said he didn’t have a fetish where he watches people fuck couches. Many people are saying he has a fetish where he watches people fuck couches.
Thank you, now that you mention it I’ve totally heard about his couch fetish. A lot of people are saying it even in this thread.
This is my favorite comment chain.
Such a video is the job AI was created to do.
Maybe not the Hero we want, but the Hero we deserve.
Now now. JD Vance only fucks couches when he wears eyeliner. Everyone knows that.
That sure is a weird-ass thing to ask for.
Those people are weird.
What is it with conservative hosts demanding porn?
First there was Rush Limbaugh pretending not to know what birth control is and now this.
Probably plenty of other examples in the meantime, but that’s the especially heinous one that immediately came to mind.
They want to see the couch’s outfit for themselves, of course. Perhaps it was asking for it.
No wonder JD wants to make porn illegal. I’m almost with him if it means me not getting Rickrolled with a gif of him fucking a loveseat
“It’s not a loveseat, okay?! It’s a couch! I don’t fuck loveseats!” - Vance, probably?
“It’s called making love when it’s a loveseat! It’s in the name!!! Also, ban porn NOW!”
– From The book “Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir Of a Family and Culture in Crisis” by author JD Vance
For research guys, it’s for research.
Anyone else hoping that a video surfaces just so we can make the conservatives watch it? Bonus points if he refers to the couch as Flipper while borking it.
Anyone else hoping that a video surfaces just so we can make the conservatives watch it?
The new Rick Roll is inserting footage of JD Vance fucking a couch in between scenes of Hunter Biden fucking a prostitute.
Once Republicans regain power, these will be the only two legal forms of pornography.
“Guess we know why they call it a blow hole now, don’t we you stupid fucking cetacean”
Ai might be useful afterall
Put that shit up on a screen like what happened to the old and wrinkled Italian regime. Tifa up there screaming, giving heart attacks to poor old men, that scene was so obscene.
Now imagine the travesty, bunch of out the closet conservatives projecting their desires, watching what transpires as JD Vance has a relationship with an entire set. They’re the ones that must bear witness to that.
Would it help if I filmed myself fucking a couch and put a deep fake over it?
I’ve already got a few clips already in the can.
Stark difference in the immediate memes that came out about Harris vs Vance. Coconut tree is quirky, couch is weird.
Coconut tree is quirky, couch is weird.
Coconut Tree is Wine Mom trying to explain a legitimately profound idea she read in a book once in college.
Couch is Creepy Uncle trying to lure you into his shed.
It’s probably something she heard from a south Indian relative when she didn’t want to go to some family function.
She said her mom would say it, the full quote is:
My mother used to—she would give us a hard time sometimes, and she would say to us, “I don’t know what’s wrong with you young people. You think you just fell out of a coconut tree?” (Laughs.) You exist in the context of all in which you live and what came before you.
I love that this is on the official White House record: Remarks by Vice President Harris at Swearing-In Ceremony of Commissioners for the White House Initiative on Advancing Educational Equity, Excellence, and Economic Opportunity for Hispanics
Coconut tree is so 2020.
