You know the type, probably a good father or worker, but serious faced all the time, never smiles, often in a bad mood, very cynical. It’s just I feel like I’m on the path to this, I’m 28, just escaped 12 years of food service so I’m already super cynical and if someone comes up to me, I’m super ready to shut down whatever’s about to happen. I feel like working with customers for years I’ve learned to have giant walls up and I can’t seem to remove them. I see the other guys in the factory I’m working at laughing and joking all the time, I think of myself as funny but it’s always deadpan humor and I wish I could genuinely smile and laugh and make friends with the other guys. Any old timers or well travelers out there have any advice?
After reading the other replies I went back and re-read your post to check…you don’t mention a partner or any significant other. I think you might be focusing too hard inward (bad mood, cynical, walls up) and not focusing outward (cherishing interactions with others, forming or maintaining bonds with others). Perhaps you’re feeling lonely?
I am a grump but my wife won’t let me get away with it for long. I am cynical but my friends call me on it because I force myself to share. My work puts me in contact with new people every day and I actively seek an understanding of them and have to let them see who I am in order to be good at my job.
Another respondent said “put yourself out there”. I agree but would also add seek out interactions with others and be a participant not an observer.
So I do have a partner, we spend a lot of time together and I’m actually quite happy relationship wise, however I’m not very happy friend wise, I have some online friends but no real friends and have trouble talking to other guys, I’ve never been much for bro talk
I’m glad you have someone to lean on - that’s what makes the difference for me. I also don’t do bro - hate sports, don’t like pranks. I don’t have many friends but the ones I have are solid and dependable. I see my best friend less than monthly but we talk several times a day to share work complaints, discuss food or what we’re currently binging on TV.
Making friends as an adult is hard. Is there something you like to do that occurs outside your home? We used to play darts on Tuesdays - not with a group, just the two of us - and found that the same people were often at the bar each week. Would have been pretty easy to invite someone to play. Anywhere that people gather fairly regularly can be a good meeting place. Also, volunteering can help with negativity and can be a good place to meet people. Feeling better about yourself makes you more attractive/approachable to other people.