(when seated in a group with others, i should clarify. if i’m by myself i’m absolutely happy to be on my phone or book)
i genuinely have an issue. it’s like…there’s people on all sides. i need to rest my eyes somewhere, esp in a social setting which is already inherently a bit wearing
- if you look down at your food, you look sad or disinterested or whatever
- if you look at the ceiling that’s insane, isn’t it?
so that’s down and up out. let’s look at:
- the sides, which have people there or nearly there, or obscuring the view of a nice window or painting, and you can’t stare at people.
fuck fuck fuck. what about:
- the center. oh no. this is the nightmare zone. let’s break it down into 3 sections: the top contains their face, that’s quite insane to look at. downwards, the table across from you with their food, that could seem like you’re looking at their body very intently, can’t do that. the middle? if it’s a woman, then that’s very much bad form. but if you’re a guy generally attracted to women, part of your brain wants to look no matter what, at least a little. and since when you’re sitting, forward is the most natural direction to look (you can’t really turn around or move, particularly), so you keep coming back to it and AHH FUCK
fucking nightmare.
You must log in or # to comment.
Holy shit I’m so glad I don’t have your brain OP
try just doing whatever you want
As you get older you care less and less what people think, and you get better and better at taking care of numero uno.
I invite you to stick around long enough to see that this is true, no matter how implausible it might seem right now.
While you’re eating, it’s fine to look at your food. When someone’s talking, it’s ok to look at them. All the other times, just look around. Other tables, out the window, decor, other people, etc. As long as you don’t linger, it’s never gonna look weird. Even if you do linger, it’s whatever, just say you enjoy whatever you’re looking at. Decor, someone’s eyeglasses, makeup, whatever.
looking at your food or plate is okay. people don’t think you’re sad, just preoccupied or interested in your food.
btw you can always close your eyes and picture a jumping cow. it’s free
Well now that cow is stuck in my head thanks
I prefer rotation
Just breathe bro, you’re overthinking everything. I used to feel like this, too, it’ll get easier.
Make some eye contact when you’re talking to the person you’re with. You don’t have to stare, but enough to show that you’re listening/ engaged.
Don’t be afraid to be awkward. Embrace it. Try to have fun.
This post is amazing.
Just look wherever, don’t overthink it.
You’re there to eat, as everyone else. It’s not like you have some instagram gym diva a table over that’s itching to publicly shame you.
I usually focus on my food, converse with the others i’m there with and occasionally look around to see if someone ordered something i want too.
If people take offense in that, so be it. Go be offended.
Don’t worry about what you’re looking at or what’s around you. Try this life hack: Concentrate on your thoughts.
-
Go through your mind and start thinking of all the things you’re grateful for.
-
Do simple math problems in your head.
things like that. They keep your mind busy and if you’re worried about what people think of you when they see you, if your mind is occupied with things like that, people around you will see you as genuinely pensive with no affectations or awkwardness.
And if you’re still worried about what you’re looking at, there is a concept in yoga called DRISHTI, which is “the thing (s) you happen to be looking at when you are concentrating or deep in thought.” It doesn’t matter what you’re looking at and It’s okay to look at nothing in particular when you’re concentrating /deep in thought.
-
I think you need to stop looking at yourself.
If you’re socially not allowed to people watch, bring a newspaper or a book.
I look at my phone when I eat by myself at cafes or non restaurants.
Might as well look at your phone then, wherever you sit. It’s 2024, that’s considered normal these days right?
Or maybe, just maybe find a date to bring along with, and at least attempt to try holding a normal conversation and try getting to know each other.
Bro can’t even go to a restaurant without feeling awkward and you want them to go on a date?
Window. I look out a window. Also why I like sitting near windows.
Look around, but don’t stare. Engage in conversation and use the “rules” for that.
You just sit there and stare at your phone like a normal person. Or you could take a book.
I am an autistic person so this is hard-won knowledge and you should take it seriously.
Look at whoever is speaking to you. Also, contribute to the conversation.
If you sit there in a group and you never speak or engage with the conversation, there is nowhere you can put your eyes to prevent awkwardness.
If eye contact is hard for you, suck it up and practice.
Human culture does not give you a pass just because socializing is hard for you. What is expected is that you make the effort even when it is painful and difficult. That effort is appreciated by those around you, far more than fluidity of interaction.
People like fluidity because it is a marker that someone has put in the work. The work is the important thing. Making an effort is a signal of devotion to the group.
That’s why special occasions call for high-effort clothing. That’s why neckties are a thing. The effort is the signal.
If you do not send the signal that you are making the effort, it will be awkward, people will resent you, and your life will be much harder.
Eyeball direction is not enough, sorry.
