I have gas from eating lots of bread, which is not unusual, but for some reason today’s farts hurt my ass.
They’re not those super hot farts, they’re just really… pressurized? They come out loud and proud and it feels kinda violent. Any ideas?
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Take a long hot shower and wash the area well
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Try to cut down on dairy for the near future
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Lie down in the sexy open-shirt Jeff Goldblum from Jurassic Park pose when a fart is approaching
Life… *brutal fart noises* …finds a way.
Get that chest hair caressed by wind!
Your own wind even
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You should probably not eat so much bread. You may have a gluten intolerance. See if you can blow up a balloon with the next one.
Break out a kazoo for extra points!
He could play the harmonica while reciting poetry
If you had a stomach ache and had a poo with stomach acid in it (eg diarrhea), the acid can irritate your ring and make farts hurt.
This sounds made up but I want to believe it and will do no further research into the matter. Mystery solved.
My asshole would to assure you it’s not made up and does in fact really hurt.
Happens to me when I eat nothing but beef jerky like I did yesterday. Just woke up like ten minutes ago with a fat man locked and loaded, had to lift my leg to make sure the ordnance cleared the fuselage.
Maybe it’s digested fat? Idk I’m no nutritionist
You’re a motherfucking modern poet.
I’d buy a book if you wrote it.
have gas from eating lots of bread, which is not unusual,
Yeah it is. Unless you know you have a specific medical condition?
Start an only fans make money.
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