How can we secure a solar eclipse induced apocalypse next time? More virgin sacrifices? Less? Virgins are quite abundant these days. We could go either way…
Not enough cow bell
I’ve got a fever…
They’re so ignorant that they thought that the eclipse was global and believed that it was the beginning of the biblical 3 days of total darkness that signaled the end of the world. They are so fucking horny for the end of the world and their presumed admission to heaven that they see the end everywhere and are actively trying to bring it about. That’s why they want to start a race war, and a war with Russia, and… they’re trying to CAUSE the end of the world so that they can go to heaven.
I like to think of Jesus chasing them around and around the pearly gates with a whip. Biblically speaking, it’s not out of the question.
That any of those people believe that they are Christians when they don’t follow the letter and spirit of the teachings of Jesus Christ is utterly baffling.
What happens to the people who actually believed this? Imagine someone quitting their job because “the world is ending on Monday.” They tell all their friends and family goodbye. They stop paying bills. Then Monday rolls around and…they’re still here. Now what? Do they go beg for their job back? How do they face their friends and family again? It sounds so embarrassing.
According to my friend, it happened, the world ended. Now you may be wondering how I could even have this chat with him if the world ended. Not to worry, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation…
I am not me, and he went into a different universe when the previous world had collapsed. Apparently I wasn’t so lucky, nor any of the other 8.1 Billion souls. Only he got to come here, because his original self was already dead. How I wouldn’t have remembered him dying and doing a Jesus, is beyond me…
This all leads me to the conclusion that my friend stopped taking his meds and has been binging rick and morty again.
Sorry to hear your friend stopped taking his meds. Medicine non-compliance is a big problem :(
So it’s just excuses and more made up nonsense to try and justify their existence. Mental instability is wild.
I wonder if there are still people living in their underground bunker believing they are the only one that survived 2000 or 2012
The people that do that dont typically have jobs nor pay their own bills since they livein an environment that allows them enough free time to absorb and spread such conspiratorial material
…Is it possible that when the ancient tome calls for virgin sacrifices it’s talking about sacrifices by and not of?
Either way it’s a win-win for the virgins.
[nsfw] There’s an old joke that’s surprisingly appropriate.
Lucky Pierre has to get out of Paris, so he signs on a tramp steamer. In order to make the most money, the captain refuses to spend the night in any port. The ship unloads and sails out without anyone getting a chance to enjoy themselves. After a month, Pierre is going nuts. He talks to the bos’n. He leads Pierre down to the filthiest part of the hold and points him at a steel drum welded to the deck. “Just stick it in there.”
Pierre is skeptical, but also desperate. He places his organ in the hole in the barrel and feels a hot mouth on his member.
Well, Pierre makes up for lost time. He’s in the hold five or six times a day for the next week. Then one day he sticks it in but nothing happens. He goes to the bos’n to see what’s going on.
“Guess that means it’s your turn in the barrel.”
So, if you want a virgin sacrifice, just climb in the barrel.
I kid.
The eclipse was supposed to be apocalyptic? I missed the memo this time. We seem to collect those things like they’re Pokemon.
Elsewhere, there was a giant hurricane. Demons now roam the world, more than used to at least, but they mostly appear as more unfavorable people. If you run into a big dude with a chunk of iron much too large to be a sword, massive, thick, heavy and far too rough, more a chunk of iron really, he’s not a bad dude, just don’t do anything to his girl.
Oh hey the world ended again. Cool. Can’t wait for the next time.
maybe add more karens to the equation and throw in some crystals and shit
I love running into a fellow Sea Labian.
Sea labian?!
I’m from Heshtopia…
Hold on, I got some tasty corn I need to trade to these guys real quick.
The students said to the teacher, “Tell us, how will our end come?”
The teacher said, "Have you found the beginning, then, that you are looking for the end? You see, the end will be where the beginning is.
Congratulations to the one who stands at the beginning: that one will know the end and will not taste death."
Genocide on the promise land might have something to do with it.
ţ̵̗̱̻͇͔̻͍̾̄̽̑̊̌͌͑̒͆̈̌͊ͅr̷̡̻̺͎̱͕̼͕̜̙̎̇ͅy̶̡̧̧̜̙̻̺̪̠̻͈͙͕̼͚̾͂̓́͐͛̂ ̸̡̱̗̝̫̠̫͔̘̙͓͜͟͝ḑ̶̡̛͈̙̥̏͋̾a̶̧̛̦̳̳̐͊́͝c̷͔̳͍̭̪̺̹̺̅̑͜͜͠ͅȉ̷̫̺͎̺͔̎̋̈́̀̿̉̇͐̽̕n̴̩̬̣̤͎̦̬̮͇͊̅̄̂͗̿̅̽̇̉͐̉͑͠͡͡ͅģ̶̛͔̻̣̋̿͋̊͋̎̕̚͝ ̶͚̤̤̼̲̬͆̍͌̚t̵̩̗̘̠̤͗̾̊̅̈́ḧ̷͔̗̘̮̻̺́̈̉̆̇͗̀̌͛͘ͅe̶̡͎̱̠̽͒̄̃̊̿̕͡ ̶̢̭̻̻̰̐͐̃̏̌͂̀̍̽̇̕͝ď̵̛͔̮͓̙͈̠̪̿̈͝i̵̧̧̜̘̠̼͓̫̜͛͜ͅṟ̷͈̫̥͎̺͔̽̄̍̆̈́̔̅̄́ę̷̗̥̻̙͇̜̞̰̻͔͍̖̳̏̈́͑͜c̶͓̱̬̞̞̗̹̲͇̪̔̎ţ̶̝̺̍̒̐̾̿̈́̅̍̇͡͠͝í̷̧̻̣̪̝̙̠̮̔ǫ̶͖̜̱̻̜͇̣̫͙̹̫̻͙̖͓͗͑͒̃̃̅͘̕n̵̡̼̪͚͇͚̾͑͐̔̔̃̉̑̉̃́͌͋͌̚ͅv̴̤̗̹̦̆̈́̾̾̏̌͒̉͐̋͒̚͟͠͝ǫ̷̡̗͙̱̰͇͎̭͖͉̃͒̓́̀͗͊̀͟͟͟f̶̪̺̠̦̠̈́̈̀̆͗̐͊͡͡ ̷͎̬̼̖̹͔̓̉̊̅̓͠f̵̛͍͎̌͋̉́̏̓̌͌̉͘͝͝f̴͇̻̭̖̯͓͓͙͎̫̩̜̪̀̄̄̒͒̆̐̆̀̍̍͝͝͝͠ͅͅo̴̥̫͈͉̐̽̉͊̀͋̕ŕ̵̡̢̛͎͔͉̞̦̫̘͕̤̱̹̖̓̀̃͗̐̀́͋̕ͅͅn̵̨̧͈̬͇̫̦͙̺̮̍̌͂͊ų̷̰͓̳̻͙͖͖͉̜͕̬̤̥̪̈̈́̋̏̿̿̐͘̕͠t̶͎̰͍͎̀̍̈́̇̀̉̿̾̍́̾͊͝ͅh̵̻͉̠͔̭͖̰̯̱͕̒̍̎̊̍̇͘͘͝ ̶̛̺̞̮̥̭͈̇̀̉͐́̾̇͛̇́̽̕͝n̸̛̗̱̣̤̦̤͚̲̐̔͒̈̔̔̏̔̐͐̍e̵̛̙̯̠͕͔̹͒̄͂͒͛̓̀̃̌͐̐́x̸͕̞͖͈̑̈͋̅̋̃̓͐̚̕ṭ̷̱̀̽̓̈́̐̎̍̇͆̕͝͡ ̸̧̫̼̫͙̬̝͕͒́̿͑͂͝͝ț̸͈̲͉̰̲̭̐͘i̴̧͓̦̞̘̰̺͎̤̘̝͈̦̘͕̔̀m̸̢̛͇̞͎̰͍̘̔͐̏̋̀͂̽͘ȩ̷̢̺̹̳͖͓͈͍͇̬̖̤͈͙̀̔̅͛͑͋́͜͝.̸̖̘̓̌̾̒
