[nsfw] There’s an old joke that’s surprisingly appropriate.

Lucky Pierre has to get out of Paris, so he signs on a tramp steamer. In order to make the most money, the captain refuses to spend the night in any port. The ship unloads and sails out without anyone getting a chance to enjoy themselves. After a month, Pierre is going nuts. He talks to the bos’n. He leads Pierre down to the filthiest part of the hold and points him at a steel drum welded to the deck. “Just stick it in there.”

Pierre is skeptical, but also desperate. He places his organ in the hole in the barrel and feels a hot mouth on his member.

Well, Pierre makes up for lost time. He’s in the hold five or six times a day for the next week. Then one day he sticks it in but nothing happens. He goes to the bos’n to see what’s going on.

“Guess that means it’s your turn in the barrel.”

So, if you want a virgin sacrifice, just climb in the barrel.

I kid.