Young fellas; as a not so young fella who some say used to fuck: Don’t be a dick while thinking with your dick.
It’s that easy. You be you, be whatever you’re interested in, and just use your goddamn eye balls to read if the person is uncomfortable. If they are, smile and fuck off king. Keep it going; don’t be a dick and watch that aura work and that dick get wet.
But remember, you have to genuinely not be a dick. Be yourself, be assertive or not, there’s someone (many someones even) for everyone and never mind the bullshit rules 1 and 2 you self-deluded fucks.
Don’t. Be. A. Dick.
You’ll be happier, the people around you will be happier, and you will fuck and feel good about it while making others feel good about it. Simple secret.
Don’t. Be. A. Dick.
Yeah as a woman who gets plenty of women. Women want to fuck too. If the lady you’re hitting on isn’t reciprocating that’s cool find one who is.
Also your mental and emotional shit being together is way more attractive than it has any right to be. I’m not kidding, I’m moderately attractive but the fact that I can take no for an answer, clean my bathroom, and introspect on my emotions does wonders with the women already attracted to me.
Remember you aren’t gonna turn a no into a yes, but you can turn a yes into a no or a no into a restraining order.
Let me preface this by saying that I’m old. 
I was out for a long run yesterday. Playing the Hype Running List on Spotify. Enjoying most of the songs/artists being played thwre, eg, RATM, Beastie Boys, even some older stuff.
One song I was a bit meh about was The Boys Are Back In Town by Thin Lizzie. But this time, the lyrics made me stop and have a wtf moment. Here’s what I’m referring to:
You know that chick that used to dance a lot Every night she’d be on the floor, shakin’ what she’s got Man, when I tell you she was cool, she was red-hot I mean, she was steamin’
And that time over at Johnny’s place Well, this chick got up and she slapped Johnny’s face Man, we just fell about the place If that chick don’t wanna know, forget her
And I was like “hold up, are they saying what I think they’re saying?” Like, why would she slap his face? And why would you guys be dismissive of her and cool with Johnny?
Being hot/attractive doesn’t give you license to assault someone. So fuck off with that shit.
I don’t really see the point of being mean. Most humans want sex. Just move on to those that want it with you. It’s not a rejection. Just a mismatch.
It is a rejection. No reason to bend the language.
The key thing is a rejection doesn’t have to be some judgment on your whole self worth. It’s a problem when you put so much energy into it.
Instead of waiting until you’ve written your whole life story with her in the role of The Mother of Your Children, or The One Who’s Gonna Make You Cool Via Sex, just think of her as a girl it might be fun to hang out with this afternoon. And if she doesn’t want to, no biggie.
It’s investing all this energy, turning the asking out into this big emotional event, that’s the problem.
Unironically women should be able to say no instead of just ghosting nonstop, just say literally anything. Communication benefits both sides
But also that implies women aren’t giving reasons or saying to back off and those are just being ignored or twisted. Do some women ghost? Yes I’m certain. Is every ghosting you hear a man talk about actually a ghosting? No I’m very certain because I recently had a friend go through this where she kept telling a guy that she’s not interested in ways that were trying to be nice about it as he’s an emotionally unstable gun nut and he just didn’t get it until she point blank told him never to reach out to her again, never to speak to her again, and then had a male friend say the same.
The whole thing reminded me of the missing missing reasons
yeah, would be nice, but won’t happen when there’s such a big chance the guy might snap and attack them. obviously women aren’t stupid and quickly learn to avoid being attacked.
How often do these attacks happen in real life? I am genuinely curious about the statistics and occurrences as I have daughters and want them to be safe.
1 in 2 women will experience some form of sexual harassment during their lifetime. This ranges from verbal harassment, like in the comic, to stalking, doxxing, assault, rape, and in rare cases even murder.
1 in 4 women will experience sexual assault—that is, rape or attempted rape—during their lifetime.
Keep in mind these are reported statistics. Also keep in mind that the more serious issues usually are perpetrated by someone the woman knows.
Something else to mention: 1 in 26 men reported sexual assault. While women do make up the overwhelming number of cases, men can be victims too. The main difference is women are far more likely to be physically abused or killed.
I would say you want them to be prepared for people that won’t take no for an answer in a variety of situations. Understanding boundaries and when people will push and manipulate them, this is a real good skill to have in life in general as well. It doesn’t hurt to have a repertoire in self-defense. But yeah, it happens fairly often if you aren’t assertive and often enough even if you are.
By ghosting do you mean one time they don’t respond and you move on with your life, or do you mean you reach out multiple times and they don’t respond?
You can pretty quickly determine when you’ve been blocked, that’s how most people ghost.
Blocking and ghosting are pretty clear “no” then?
Blocking seems pretty clear to me (if the other person knows they’re blocked). Just not replying much less so.
Agreed. One of my friends has a three strike rule. If three messages are ignored you’re not a priority, so why waste your time?
No, woman have to be passive-aggressive, because there are so many psychotic men! It’s like you didn’t even read the comic or something.
Are you being sarcastic? Because there are. It doesn’t take a majority to make it make women scared to be honest, just a few percentage and a few really bad experiences will make you scared.
In what other circumstances would that be OK?
Say, if I were attacked a few times by the same minority, would it be okay for me to look at any person of said minority as a potential attacker?
Actually, let’s combine both things - let’s say I’m a woman who has been sexually harrsed by a minority a few time, would it be okay for me to view all males from said minority as potential sexual harassers?
That’s kind of, not really understanding the power dynamic at work, here. With minorities, being afraid of them is, probably silly, because there’s a power dynamic there that’s usually in, I’m assuming your example is like, a white person, usually in their favor. This is made more complicated if it’s a dynamic between women and men. You know, variable depending on where you go and who you ask to what extent women have less power than men, both, societally, and physically, but certainly, that gap still exists. Especially in social conditioning, which I think is sort of, not really brought up very commonly, but definitely exists. I think the last thread I saw on lemmy about the “sexual divide” was something about true crime, and I think the extreme gendered gap in true crime kind of showcases this difference in social conditioning.
Which isn’t like, “not real” or anything, that social conditioning is still a real, physical, tangible thing that exists in people’s lives and shapes who they are, it’s not as though they can stop believing it just because they’re presented with like, a bunch of evidence to the contrary, such is the power and trauma of personal experience.
Sort of core to your question is the problem of like, why white women will call the police because they’re afraid of some black dude or racial minority doing anything. Or, why white women are commonly used as a kind of, object which justifies racial violence, even going back to lynchings which take place as a result of like, false rape accusations. I think it’s pretty obvious that the inverse of that isn’t like, oh, well, we should just let women get raped, or something, right. That’s not what you said really at all, but that’s my very heavy-handed and probably stupid example of sort of, how you can see the flaws in that dynamic, there, the flaws in that like, framing. One does not lend itself to the other.
Basically, I’m just saying that you can’t use racism as a metaphor for sexism, because they’re not the same, and they can both intersect.
This and just not accepting a “no” have been the most common responses in my long lifetime.
Though during the soviet occupation there were also way too many cases of them reporting you to the soviets for some “corrective rape” and/or a trip to siberia because clearly you would be gay if you weren’t interested but that’s thankfully not a thing anymore.
There’s a reason women avoid just outright saying no even if all men wouldn’t react this way: The ones that do make it dangerous.
bitch shit
bitch shit
He says “Bitch Slut” not “Bitch Shit”
King Shit
Honest question: did guys in the generation that makes them about 16-26 now have some sort of generationally curly hair event? Or are dudes getting perms, or what the heck is happening. Nothing against curly hair, it just seems like suddenly almost all young guys have curly hair and a broccoli hair cut.
Edit: oh, duh. Dude’s are using curling irons. I’m an idiot.
I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the broccolis get perms.
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I’m a dude and I would love a world where women feel safe to be open with their boundaries. This comic nails it in that the problem isn’t women, it’s other men.
Patriarchal society doesn’t just hurt women, it hurts men too.
Any guys reading this- we don’t have to be the problem, in fact we are part of the solution. We are not useless, we are not supposed to just shut up and listen, we are supposed to be role models for the next generation. We have work to do, and when everyone benefits, we will benefit too. This isn’t a zero sum game.
I’m an educator, and I try to teach the girls that men don’t need to be feared, and teach the boys not to be men to be afraid of. It’s my job to show the boys that there is an alternative masculinity to what Andrew Tate prescribes.
If anyone wants a good YouTube male role model, I suggest John Green. I want more men who can recite Emily Dickinson and be open with their emotions in healthy ways.
There’s a flip side to this. And full disclosure, I’m a guy trying to be part of the solution.
The flip is that guys are assumed to be dangerous. That’s the default. And yeah, some guys are dangerous, but imagine if every time you met someone new they flinched back when you tried to shake their hand. Every. Single. Time. Would you continue to try to shake hands? Or would you shy away from meeting new people?
Now, obviously that example is an extreme. Virtually no one has that happen, but we see similar communicated all the time. Women crossing the street because they don’t want to walk in front of a guy. People suspicious of a man at a park just watching his kid. Etc.
I’m not saying women don’t have a right to feel nervous, or even that they are wrong to feel the way they do. I’m just pointing out that being treated like I could explode at any moment wears on my soul. And being told “this isn’t about you” really doesn’t change much about how it makes me feel.
That’s a very real experience, and I have experienced that too. As a male teacher, I have often been seen with suspicion. As just a tall guy who has some self awareness, I can sense that I can be seen as a potential threat. It’s exhausting.
But remember, it’s not women’s fault. It’s the fault of asshole guys that bought into a shit idea of what masculinity is and taught women to be on guard.
The fact is the boys are not alright. They are being outperformed in school, and in all demographics except the elite, there is a drop in real wealth among men when women are climbing. This is especially true for men of color. If there is a failure of progressive change in the 2000s, it’s not giving the boys a path forward beyond “no means no”.
Nothing worse than (gender, sex) giving their opinions on something.
male men
Karl Malones
mlen (tbh I didn’t wasn’t sure which one to use here and didn’t really want to start that discussion lol)
Mulan
lol @ the schmucks feeling threatened by men giving their opinions or feel the need to preemptively post personal attacks.
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I think @[email protected] expressed what I wanted to say better than I did. Yeah, calling you a schmuck was unnecessary. Sorry if that offended you, no really.
Clearly you’ve not yet read my book ‘Angry Men Are A Myth: why everyone should stop telling me to get therapy’
Every copy comes with a discount code for 5% off a Thinking Mans Fedora!
Remeber kids, the best devil’s advocates shop exclusively from NotAllMen LLC.
Thinking you don’t look stupid mocking people for not appreciating sex-based stereotyping and assuming is the real “lol”.
The extra dumb part is that the kind of guys in the first panel, are invariably not the same guys in the third panel, but the comic is desperate to ‘expose’ hypocrisy by pretending they are. That’s another reason for the male frustration in here–it’s all coming from ‘first panel’ guys, who all know they’re not ‘third panel’ guys.
Ok, white knight.
It’s safest to stay in your dank basement.
However, we all must live before we die, that’s why we take the risk of leaving the basement… till you get a 30 pack of Bush light and some pizza. Then its back to the basement.
Girl: Sorry, but I’m not interested.
Guy: Stupid fat bitch slut!
Who responds like that?
Edit: Removed unnecessary statement.
You’re not a woman I’m guessing
I don’t have to be a woman to know that men generally don’t respond like that. This is silly.
I’ve never seen a man respond like that to being rejected, ever.
Do many men hit on you? Are you smaller than them? If not, that could be why you don’t see it happen.
Of course most men don’t respond this way. But of those people who respond this way, most are men.
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That’s absolutely disgusting behavior. Maybe I’ve been lucky with the people around me.
Probably so, I agree most men probably don’t reply like the comic but it’s not uncommon, I don’t think the artist was trying say it’s always like that but just something women worry about
Men don’t. Boys do. All the fucking time.
Are people with short tempers more likely to get angry at people who are bigger than them, or smaller than them? Smaller, of course.
And there you have it. That explains the entire comic. Both women and men can have short tempers, but it’s way easier for a dude to scream at a woman and not end up dead. So it happens.
This is why they say that, while It’s not all men, it’s almost only men. Because men are bigger and it’s safer for them to be angry and act immature.
So the stereotype is valid. Don’t get butthurt unless you act like the guy in the comic.
I understand what you are saying, and I don’t want to invalidate your concerns. I can see now that this comic resonates with women more than it would with a man.
You need to touch grass and talk to more women if you don’t know that most women have experiences exactly like this.
I think perhaps you do. None of my friends have ever been talked to this way. In what kind of backwards shit hole do you live?
A somewhat small minority of men do actually act like that and thus it is assumed that all men are definitely going to act like that so they don’t have to risk danger.
It sucks horribly for both sexes but unlikely to be a better solution really
Yeah, this comic could reflect the feelings of women who were unlucky enough to meet such outrageously bad people, or at least have the fear of meeting such a person.
But to say that this is the rule is, I feel, a stretch.
Yeah this is the dumbest comic I’ve ever seen. An absurd characterisation of reality. I thought it was satire at first but the comments seem to be taking it seriously. There are surely assholes out there but to only this is a regular occurrence is some legbeard basement-dwelling incel nonsense.
I can’t relate at all either from personal experience. My concern when reading something that I cannot relate to is that what I’m reading could have been astroturfed. We are in a pseudonymous discussion forum where anyone can LARP as anything and make shit up. It’s not a stretch to say that this vulnerability could be used to further agendas through manipulation in an organized manner.
There are a few ways to verify what people are saying, that I know of. One is to use established studies, and another one is to use anecdotes. But if all I have is hearsay from some internet account, then I can’t take it as truthful until I have something that can verify it. It doesn’t mean I will discard what people say, or not take them seriously, but I will exercise caution.
Anyway, upon further reflection on what people have said, I am inclined to take the concerns that OP (and others here) express more seriously. It’s wrong to say that these people can never exist, and I would not like to invalidate the fears that some women have for such people. I simply reacted based on my own anecdotal experience, but other people can be more unlucky than I, and may develop said fears.
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This kinda nails it tbh
It goes both ways.
Truth of the matter is that people do not know what they want.
I’ve always just added the pain to the top of the pile and carried on with my awful life.
I hope you find someone you can unload with.
Bow chicka
This is the way
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Seriously, all the same ‘plays’ too:
- lol rofl you think I was actually asking?
- you’re ugly anyway
- (if the rejection is based on you already being in a relationship) she’s ugly, you’ll never find someone as hot as me
- (if you’re single) you’re gay/you’re a f*ggot
- (slur related to your race, more common if the rejected is of a different race)
Oh no, emotions! I sure hope there aren’t some damning statistics about how many women die for saying no.
There aren’t?
One thing women does that men don’t… Is that they remember every single time you did something dumb, and they will use that as ammunition in every fight.
First, this is not exclusive to women. Men can and do do this. Second, if that’s your experience then you need to hang around with better women. My wife does not do this, even in the very rare instances that we’ve ever had a fight about something. Probably because she’s a normal, mature adult who recognizes that people, including me, make mistakes now and then.
You’re an idiot if you think men don’t do that too.
That can be. That doesn’t kill you, though.
None of this kills you
“Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.”
There’s a reason Margaret Atwood was the person who pointed this out.
