Stop acting like I’m worthless with low self-esteem. I don’t know why I present myself that way. I’m a valuable competent skilled employee who passes background checks squeaky clean. Someone smack me and tell me to present myself as I deserve.

I even declined the hiring bonus because I felt unworthy of it although I meet all the criteria for it 🤦‍♀️ But really what I did was tell my managers that I’d rather be given the hiring bonus after I’ve been there a year because I’ve heard that some companies have a stipulation in the contract of hiring bonuses that should anything happen within the first year of my employment that causes me to stop working there, I would have to repay the bonus, so I kept it in mind that if I ever got a job that promised a hiring bonus, I would discuss it with the manager to have the bonus given to me at the end of a year. well I told my managers this and they told me I would have to talk to a higher up manager about it and they told me her name but I forgot, and they didn’t even look me in the eye when they said this and I just kind of never followed up on it.