oh there are lots of ways.

unfortunately a lot of the time, it doesn’t get any easier.

that being said, it all starts with knowing and understanding that, if you love who you are, those mistakes helped make you who you are.

personally that helped me come to peace with the fact that i had fucked up so badly.

next is atonement to yourself and others. that means learning to prevent the mistake from occurring again in the future, helping others that you recognize are making the same mistake so that they don’t have to suffer like you did, and if you hurt someone, apologizing to that person for both their and your own healings sake. sometimes it also means apologizing to yourself.

you do have to understand, though, that people change over time. our mistakes make us who we are. and you are not the same person you were when you originally made the mistake.

last and most unpleasant advice i can give is to allow the feelings to wash over you. our brain is capable of experiencing so many emotions, and each emotion serves a very important purpose. we tend to lead lives that shy away from the unpleasant emotions, but there is value to be had in experiencing them. feeling the shame of making a mistake can drive you to never make that mistake again. that’s valuable, even if it is unpleasant for a time.

signed, a guy working his ass off to be a perfect candidate for a liver transplant after a series of stupid shit decisions and drinking occurred during a divorce and a layoff.

it gets better bro.

Shit happens, I’ve made plenty of mistakes and still do make lots of mistakes and I will keep making lots of mistakes. The goal is to learn from them so as to not repeat them, instead of letting them haunt you for eternity…

Never worry about things you can not change. From what you ate last night, to that one thing you might have done differently that would have changed your life completely; it does not matter one bit.

I believe you need to experience something truly life altering to really, really understand what this means to the fullest extent possible. It is an easy idea to dismiss as simple common sense or obvious. If you are forced to confront this head on with some event that massively alters your life, this ethos takes on a whole different contextual meaning. I wish I could convey the true power of this in words. I see it as a major life lesson. NEVER worry about things you can not change.

Also, feeling stupid about some mistake is something to value, and not a reason to belittle yourself. Feeling stupid, like you would like to make a better choice, is a sign of growth, or at least the opportunity for growth. Always remember, truly stupid people never feel stupid.

Doing these things is not easy and may take some practice on your part, but for me it boils down to the following process:

• be honest with yourself and others, and own up to it, don’t try to pretend it was somebody else’s fault. Apologise to those impacted if you need to.

• figure out what you can learn from it - not necessarily the specific details of this mistake but what you can do next time in similar circumstances to avoid making the same sort of error.

• stop wishing for a better past - it won’t happen, so move on.

I usually tell myself “Let the dead bury the dead. Who’s alive?” in loud voice, when the mistake pops up in my head. Then I look for why I’m thinking about this - am I about to do it again?

It works for me because it forces me to focus on the present.

Unless you can right it, the deed is done. Dwelling on “What if?” just stops you from asking, “What now?”

I haven’t.

I did some really shitty stuff to a lot of people I cared about, to the point where reaching out to apologize would do more damage than good. It’s a burden I’ll have to carry for the rest of my life and more than anything I’ve come to accept that.

Try to be better, try not to repeat the same mistakes. But there’s no secret to forgiving yourself. The only way that comes is with time.

It’s okay to feel guilty for the behavior, it’s normal, and you should learn and grow from your mistakes. It may still haunt you because you still have lessons to be learned from what happened.

Apologize, it’s not always easy but in the long run people will respect you for it. Either that or let it eat at you from the inside out for all eternity. I’ve done both, I recommend the former

It depends on the mistake, but you have done your part if you’ve learned from it and made the effort to make up for it if necessary. The rest is no longer your problem.

You overcome them by writing about exactly what you did wrong and exactly how you’re going to avoid it in the future. The more detail the better.

A mistake that still bothers you is, essentially, a mistake you don’t yet understand.

Turn and burn baby!

Don’t kill the present moment by thinking about the past.

As with most things, it depends on the mistake. Sometimes you can fix things, or apologize for what happened, and sometimes there really isn’t anything you can do. Whether too much time has passed, or the mistake is unfixable, sometimes you have to understand it, learn from it, and let that turn you into a person who wouldn’t make the same mistake.

When it comes to forgiving yourself, I don’t have an answer. I think talking about it with someone close might help, whether it’s a therapist, a pastor, your parents, or your best friend. Getting someone else’s perspective on it can help.

Best of luck

Meditation and Talking

When meditating about it you spend time thinking about it. Usually, we do not want to think about bad things. We do not spend time thinking about the bad stuff. When you are afraid of thinking about it, you may face the fear and might lose, or at least relax, it.

When talking about a topic you spend time with it. You think differently when you talk and not only think. You may talk to yourself, to an imaginary person, or a real person. There’s also a difference between if the other person responds, or not. It’s usually sufficient, or even better, if the other person does not respond at all but only listens. There are even groups where the people only listen to you. They are called “emotions anonymuous”. Beware that it’s cult like and there’s a lot of religious talking but it’s the most popular group, if you find something similar without the religious crap, go for that.

Drawing

You may draw about the stuff you think. You do not focus on the thought primarily. It just gives a different angle to the topic.

about a third of this comment section is incredibly unhelpful by repeating that “shit happens” when you clearly just said you know that. in my case, you talk it out with someone, and either of two things can happen. you find someone who’ll help you with it, or someone who’ll shit you with it. if the latter happens, repeat. if the latter happens many times over eventually you’ll grow desensitized to it and the dread will kinda just disappeared. mind that things may work differently for everybody so maybe this will not work with you, but why not try it out.