Wealthy socialite Human Woman had it all, ceo of the top you feel bad magazine, house on top of building and even a tiny enslaved bark beast, the only thing Human Woman was missing was a chemical reaction.
Human Woman receives a electrical waveform, Human Woman’s Human Grandmother mush box has stopped, Human Woman emigrated in moving iron box to original location, meeting Human Man also from original location, chemical reaction happens and Human Woman And Human man become human Couple
I would watch a satire based on this.
You might enjoy “A Christmas Movie Christmas”, where the protagonists wake up and find themselves as the protagonists in a Christmas movie reality. It’s a comedy where you basically laugh at the troops while they call themselves out on it.
watch the hallmark channel. you won’t tell the difference.
The make you cry channel presents: Northern hemisphere winter solstice chemical reaction
fuck yeah.
Damn. Some very white Christmases in Hallmark land.
My mother and sister fucking looooove these movies, despite how low effort cookie cutter they are. My favorite game while they’re watching is “count the POC.” The last one we saw together, I got to 1.
I love to just have them on, in the background. These movies are self-aware. The Netflix equivalent has its own universe with internal references to each other, which includes fake countries, maps, etc. I’m no joke invested in the Netflix Christmas-verse or whatever the fuck.
Hallmark is a little less fun to watch, but still quality rubbish. Everyone knows it’s over the top. The actors, producers, and writers are all in on it. I’m not saying that makes them good. They are still bad. But when you watch them knowing the content is almost intentionally cringe, it’s a bit better. With a slight shift in perspective and perhaps a bit of squinting, you can see the Christmas overtures as nothing more than satire. Last year, one movie just threw in a vague reference to Santa. No beard. No glasses. Just a guy who wore a red coat and occasionally would get 1-3 seconds on camera breaking the fourth wall. He had like one line. No gifts. No reindeer. Never interacting with the Christmas Couple. Just essentially an old dude in red. To me, that’s the height of humor. It’s like they’re just wafting a single sprig of holly over the film in the editing room. I crack up every time.
The Hallmark movies are mostly filmed in one of the whitest basic beige towns in British Columbia. It would be difficult to find someone. They do have an east Asian population but it’s small.
If they ever need a black guy on set for whatever reason, give them my info
I like free food
Do extras count, or do they need to have a speaking part?
And it’s always some woman that lives in the same town her whole life. The man either just moved back or is new to the small town
Or, small town girl moved to the big city, returns to small town and sees that man iN a NeW LigHt
You missed the best series of nonsense Christmas movies:
- Time for Me to Come Home for Christmas
- Time for Her to Come Home for Christmas
- Time for Him to Come Home for Christmas
- Time for You to Come Home for Christmas
- Time for Them to Come Home for Christmas
Yes these are legit hallmark movies.
So we’re still waiting for “Us” and “It” before we crack into the non-binary-centric pronouns, which we obviously won’t.
“Time for It To Come Home for Christmas” sounds vaguely ominous.
“Us” already exists
Ive got hundreds of these damn movies on my Plex server specifically because my wife LOVES this crap.
I’m convinced we have a Family-Guy-Manatee-Ball-Pit situation going on here. There’s less balls to choose from, but damn if I haven’t seen “save family business with a last minute impromptu charity event spurred on by the handsome dude from her past who posseses some talent” 100 fucking times.
They aren’t usually direct plot copies, they just have identical pieces that get moved around so they can factory farm these bitches out.
Fun game: see how much of the set is used in other movies. Most of the Hallmark movies are made on the same set in Atlanta so some will share little things like the same staircase or same exterior of a house. Hallmark reuses more than just the plots!
Could be a fun drinking game
I wonder if you could film two at the same time…
What’s a manatee ball pit situation?
There’s an episode of South Park where they go to the writing offices of Family Guy for whatever reason, and instead of actual writers, they have an aquarium tank full of manatees and plastic balls with words on them.
The manatees would bring the balls to the top of the tank, few at a time, and the staff would use the words on the balls as prompts for their new jokes/episodes.
The manatees had integrity, if you took a ball out they’d stop making jokes.
The hallmark writers don’t give a shit.
Oh shit of course I remember that episode
If you’re on PTP check out the collection “Christmas Movie Posters with White Heterosexual Couples Wearing Red and Green”
There’s about 300 movies there matching this description. I’m sure your wife will love it.
What has 15 actors, 4 settings, 2 writers and 1 plot?
!633 hallmark movies!<
That’s their trademark, as soon as you see it you know it’s a Hallmark romantic, cheesy, family movie.
My grandmother loves these movies. Some channel started playing them since July and she’s basically watched and rewatched all of them by now.
Not trying to be racist but it’s almost always a man and a woman who are both White - and probably a Black side character if they are feeling generous.
The channel viewership is 99.999% overweight to obese older white women. This is functionally their porn.
They have ones with black protagonists, the white ones just have a few token black people, often for comic relief. This is TV for Karens essentially.
By and For Karens
If they do have an interracial couple it’s always a black man with a white woman. Never the other way around.
gotta get that bbc.
British Broadcast Corporation - they’ll sure give Hallmark a run for their money.
I love these movies, I think part of it is that holiday movies are some of the only light-hearted movies around that aren’t for kids. I don’t care that they suck in real terms or are all the same (something about xmas brings enhances my tolerance for terrible music and movies), I do wish they Hallmark knew about POC and LGBTQIA.
My husband absolutely adored these because they were wholesome with no gratuitous sex or violence. He was a conservative Christian and these were some of the few shows he could really enjoy unreservedly. (I doubt he would have been pleased to see a gay story, though. He’s not around to ask, unfortunately.)
I find them predictable and banal. But to each his own. He would watch a Hallmark movie in one room and I’d be in the other room watching Criminal Minds or something LOL
That’s not in Hallmark’s demo.
HolidayPorn
I don’t watch these, but they make a lot of sense. I’ve watched movies sometimes and been disappointed that there are no similar movies for me to watch. If you like a generic Hallmark movie you’ll have infinite content.
When you have that almost perfect Stable Diffusion prompt and you’re trying to figure out what you have to change to get it that last little bit.
This is what bland, AI generated crap looks like, folks. But you can still make your own entertainment library. Buy an external hard drive and start a collection of your favorite movies/series (while you still can).
This is what bland, AI generated crap looks like, folks
Except this is without AI, and it’s far from the only case. Looks like people really don’t need AI to be uninspired, the only thing it changes is the amount of labour put in the generation of that bland crap.
Damn, if in one movie he’d wear red and she green that would be a revolution I guess.
I laugh at this meme while kicking pile of DVDs all with zombies in foreground with boobs and spaceships in background
They sound like good movies. Any recommendations?
Zombalien 1-8
