For context: I’m a young adult, I don’t think I have any serious brain issues yet.
But I’ve recently been just trying to remember the past and although its kinda tragic, there are very interesting moments and I want to keep these memories forever.
But brains aren’t perfect, and I’m just so scared.
Even re-reading the events from a journal woudn’t exactly be the same as remembering it.
Idk, I’m kinda just obsessed with some memories for some reason. Don’t wanna let go of it. Having this “backstory” (for lack of a better term), is what drives me forward, without those memories, like if I get a concussion and forgot everything, I wouldn’t really be… well… “me” anymore, and the thought of that is terrifying.
As someone with shitty memory: I forget a lot. Whole holidays, people, what I ate yesterday… I have always been that way, and so far I’ve been doing quite ok in life.
But while I forgot how it felt in a past, shitty job, I don’t forget how I promised myself to never work for such a boss again. Or how 16-year old me decided to stay in school aftet trying out metalworking over a summer. I may forget how it was, but I rarely forget what conclusion I drew from it. And that is what defines me as a person, not that I remember the face of my condescending, stupid boss.
Also, while it sucks, my life is my present. My past might be entirely hallucinated, and I might be hit by a bus tomorrow. But now, here, I am alive.