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For anyone legitimately confused, there’s potentially two different things going on here:
There is a very small chance that she is now more attracted to him, since he’s been “screened” by someone else as an acceptable boyfriend.
What’s infinitely more likely is that now she’s more comfortable interacting with him because she feels he’s not as likely to take friendly interaction as anything more, now that he has a girlfriend.
I was on a dating site many years ago. Never got messaged, rarely got responses.
Met someone in real life, set my profile to “in a relationship”. Got like 5 messages within a week.
Definitely a bit of vetting going on
You set your status on a dating app to In a Relationship instead of deactivating it. You got likes after that because you’re now passing search filters for a different demographic: nonmonogamous people
It’s weird how you’re getting more upvotes than he did when all you did was summarize what he already said in a tone like it was new information.
It recontextualizes things a bit - this is not purely a function of vetting, but places him in a different (smaller) category than he was in previously on the app.
Tomato tamato. You end up in the same place and the journey looks the same.
since he’s been “screened” by someone else as an acceptable boyfriend.
literal parasite behavior, never do this.
Or if you do don’t do it as directly as this lmao.
Isn’t this instinct? People usually only notice such things after they’re pointed out.
that would arguably be the reason i made this comment, depending on how you read the room. But ultimately, it is a negative social behavior to engage in.
There is definitely some truth here to this being a “group behavior” but in this case, it was one other person, there are three people here total, you are literally just showing up to the hunting party after the fact to grub some free food at that point. Hence my part about “dont this it this blatantly” to elaborate on what i mean here, the social aspect i’m referring to would be a community, people you’ve known and that people you know have known for many years. It’s why when somebody new shows up, everybody is cautious about the new person. And slowly warms up to them. If you instantly warm up to someone, there is either something funny going on, or you’re a very specific type of person, which may be advantageous, but in this case, probably isnt.
you’re either putting yourself in a position where you look like a bad person, or a really opportunistic person, and neither of those are good. It’s just bad vibes.
Sure, yes, it is “bad behavior” and might have respective repercussions.
“teasing me every chance she gets” sounds like there is more. On whose side is open for discussion.
Or, like so many, he’s interpreting it as teasing when its not.
My wife still browses reddit. A recent BORU was a young guy who was convinced his brother’s gf wanted to bang him. Everyone told him it was in his head, he went for it anyway…
Now his brother and gf left the family home to get a hotel, and this dumb ass - who only now saw how wrong he was - is left explaining why to the family.
Could be made up, of course. But its incredibly plausible. Lots of guys are dumb AF and either can’t pick up on any signals, or interpret everything as a signal.
So I’d personally lean towards the incredibly more likely scenario of her being friendly, and him misinterpreting it.
Lots of guys are dumb AF and either can’t pick up on any signals, or interpret everything as a signal.
Don’t forget that not every woman is the same. Actions that are signals for one woman aren’t signals for another
Also true.
Either way its safe to assume not interested then, not interested now.
Here’s a handy guide to tell, is she into you.
Yes, to all of the above, with caution.
Exactly this, my former roommate used to flirt with me all of the time, but I knew she wasn’t actually into me. It’s just how she acts with her friends.
Meanwhile, a coworker that apparently was into me never acted as if she liked me as more than friends, so I treated her as a friend. I had to find out much later from a mutual friend after she assumed I must not have been interested.
For some people, the “obvious signs” aren’t signs at all. Other people think they’re telegraphing strongly enough to be seen, but aren’t.
Lmfao. “Very small chance” my fucking ass. This is incredibly common.
Whole-heartedly agree. Sometimes this site makes me feel like I’m dealing with a bunch of fat, young virgins. Yes, you’ve been screened.
My wife is mad jealous, of every woman. (Her only fault, I can deal.) Wants me to wear my ring more often.
“You know that’ll only get me more attraction?”
Yup. It’s hard for me to tell at work whether the attention I’m getting is because I’m in a leadership position (people sucking up for promotions and whatnot) or because I’m one of the few married people and thus “safe.” Regardless, I set appropriate boundaries and it works out.
I noticed something similar when I got married and was wearing a wedding band. People became extra friendly. Not even just women, but men too. It was weird as fuck. If I ever get married again, I ain’t wearing a ring.
I mean this is really not hard to understand dude. Women often have to deal with dumb asses that take every act of friendliness as an invitation to have sex. So now that she knows that you are in a relationship she feels more comfortable to talk to you because you (hopefully) are now busy being attracted to your gf instead of her and capable of having a conversation with her like a normal person.
The amount of times women told me after a conversation that they appreciate me being just friendly and not hitting on them is kinda worrying. We humans create so many problems for ourselves…
We’re the most intelligent species on the planet and we have the most complicated mating rituals that are constantly evolving through time and across cultures. It’s very frustrating but it is what it is!
You would think with so much intelligence we wouldnt force ourselves onto others that dont want it and would respect them…
Intelligence has nothing to do with morality.
Emotionally stunted men cannot tell the difference between being friendly and wanting to fuck because that’s the only strong positive emotion they were ever truly allowed to feel as kids/teenagers.
It’s a huge cultural issue, and we can all thank toxic masculinity and the patriarchy for not allowing boys to have feelings or deep platonic relationships and then growing up to misinterpret any friendly interaction as a romantic advance.
Saying it’s just “wanting to fuck” is also toxic masculinity. When someone I’m attracted to is friendly with me I don’t imagine us fucking, I imagine cuddling and talking all night and supporting each other. And I’ve seen women have the same reaction to attractive men talking to them. Physical attraction is obviously part of it but it’s not always or even mostly the case, at least in my experience.
Yep. But Anon is clearly one of those guys who put every attractive woman in the “fuck zone,” even when she’s made her disinterest very clear, AND he’s got a girlfriend.
L post of the year
L post (comment) of the year.
After posting, I thought this post was kinda lame cause there are so many memes you could find about something like that happening. Thought of deleting it.
I didn’t delete because other people might still find it somewhat interesting. Plus, I am trying to post in lemmy as a contribution to keep the community alive. So I left it here and commented that just to give a mark didnt really like posting this particular image.
This comment was unneccassry but just letting you know about my thoughts.
This comment was unneccassry but just letting you know about my thoughts.
i just came here to be funny so.
Thank you for your service. Your skill at unintentionally uploading good greentext is astonishing
As a gay man who passes as straight, you can get a lot of gal pals just by treating women as friends instead of potential partners. A lot of women don’t really need a relationship, they just want a friendship.
