• Churbleyimyam@lemm.eeEnglish
    271·
    3 months ago

    An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were travelling abroad and needed a place to sleep for the night. They stopped at a farm and asked the farmer if they could sleep there. The farmer said “Yes, you can. But all of you must promise not to have sex with my beautiful daughter.” They all solemnly agreed and were shown to their room for the night.

    One by one though, each of them was overcome by temptation and sneaked down the hall to farmer’s daughter’s bedroom to have their wicked way with her.

    I’m the morning they came downstairs and were greeted by the farmer. “Good morning!” he said, “I hope you all slept well. Take a basket each and go out and pick something from my farm to eat for breakfast”. Being very hungry from their travels they all eagerly went out to look for their favourite food.

    The first to return was the Englishman. The farmer was waiting for him - with a loaded shotgun. “I know what you did last night!” shouted the farmer, pointing his gun at the Englishman. The Englishman threw his hands up in the air, dropping the basket of strawberries he’d picked for breakfast. “Bend over and put those strawberries up your arse and let that be a lesson to you!” The Englishman did as he was told and pushed the strawberries up his bum. Seeing that the farmer was satisfied the Englishman ran out the door and off into the distance.

    Next to return was the Scotsman. “What did you pick for breakfast young man?” asked the farmer. “I picked carrots” answered the Scotsman. “Well put them up your arse you dirty bastard!” screamed the farmer, pulling out the shotgun “I know what you did last night!” “Please dont shoot me sir!” Cried the Scotsman, as he painfully pushed each of the carrots up his bum before making a break for it and running out of the house.

    Last to return was the Irishman, carrying his basket on his back. “You dirty lying son of a bitch!” screamed the farmer “You had sex with my daughter last night!” “Now tell me what you picked for breakfast.”

    The Irishman heaved his basket onto the floor with a thud.

    They both looked down at its contents.

    “I picked a pumpkin sir.”

    • edric@lemm.eeEnglish
      2·
      3 months ago

      The version I know is that they will only live if they can stick the fruit/vegetable in their ass without making a sound, and they were shot because they couldn’t stop giggling because they saw the third guy carrying <whatever large produce>.

  • Jimbabwe@lemmy.worldEnglish
    262·
    3 months ago

    Last year I placed two dozen or so pumpkins around my property and got up on the roof and started shootin with my AR until the neighbor called, claiming some maniac was on my roof shootin a gun so I went inside cuz that sounded pretty spooky smh can’t have nothin nice no more

  • Hugh_Jeggs@lemm.eeEnglish
    22·
    3 months ago

    complain about throwing a billion pumpkins into landfill

    Order a billion tonnes of plastic shite off Temu which then breaks, and throw it into landfill

    Fucking keep chucking the pumpkins, guys

  • Zathras@lemm.eeEnglish
    20·
    3 months ago

    If you know someone with chickens, give your pumpkins to them. The chickens love to eat the insides all the way to the edge of the rind. It is also supposed to be a natural dewormer.

    • SupraMario@lemmy.worldEnglish
      10·
      3 months ago

      Farm period. Cows/goats/horses/pigs all love pumpkin. Plus when they crap out the seeds, you’re going to find a bunch of pumpkins in the fields

  • fossilesque@mander.xyzOPMEnglish
    16·
    3 months ago

    Toasted pumpkin seeds:

    Using running water seperate seeds from pumpkin guts. Soak them in salt water while you carve. Preheat and bake at 220C for 15-20 mins. Eat them whole.

    • bl_r@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
      5·
      3 months ago

      I had an elementary school teacher who would ask all of us to save the seeds when making jack o lanterns and give it to her. She’d then make a ton of roasted pumpkin seeds and share it with us and some kids from other classes who brought seeds.

      They are pretty good. Highly recommend.

    • DarkCloud@lemmy.worldEnglish
      41·
      3 months ago

      Or rather than soak them, you can manually separate them, oil and salt them, then cook them on a lower setting until they start to go golden brown.

  • Gimpydude@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
    13·
    3 months ago

    Chickens do like to eat pumpkin. I always get 5-6 pumpkins and after they are done as decoration, they’re fed to the chickens. Not at all wasted.

    • bitchkat@lemmy.worldEnglish
      1·
      3 months ago

      The image says “plantar” though which has something to do with the foot like a plantar wart.

  • Kecessa@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    9·
    3 months ago

    Imagine if we just didn’t grow them in the first place since clearly people don’t want to eat them anyway…

  • JusticeForPorygon@lemmy.worldEnglish
    61·
    3 months ago

    I’m not an expert but I’m pretty sure the pumpkins you carve are not the same pumpkins you eat. You can roast the seeds, sure, but the inside will probably taste like dirt

    • SupraMario@lemmy.worldEnglish
      8·
      3 months ago

      They’re the same, I make pumpkin pie out of them. It’s so much better than from a can too.

    • Nindelofocho@lemmy.worldEnglish
      4·
      3 months ago

      It can be. Lots of people do eat whats inside pumpkins that they carve. pies, curries, etc. I feel like in terms of waste is one of the much lesser wasteful things people are doing and it often makes good feed and compost