The bullets I’ve been dodging are small things. Mormon missionaries coming over trying to get young blood to join them. I’ve gotten better at saying no and politely lying about not having time for them. Saves me a lot of headache.
I’m a brass musician and an atheist so the only time I go to church is when I’m getting paid. The last time some Mormons approached me about going to church I asked them, “What’s the pay?”
I love them lol, I give them a copy of The First SubGenius Pamphlet and tell them the good word of our guru J. R. “Bob” Dobbs, Saint of Sales and Slack. “Bob” got a divine vision much like their Joseph Smith, except it was in 1953 while working on a television set of his own design when he received a shock and a vision from “god,” the same one known to them as Jehovah, who told “Bob” of his true nature, that he is no god but a space monster named JHVH-1 from some corporate sin galaxy sent here to TAKE OUR SLACK!! But “Bob” has a plan, he’s collaborating with other aliens, the good ones called X-ists, to sell the planet out from under JHVH-1, and anyone who buys an Ordainment Membership through The Church of The SubGenius gets a ticket off planet onto the PleasureSaucers with the alien sex goddesses (gender agnostic, they can take any form you desire).
I have a blast and they get a taste of their own medicine, win win.
The bullets I’ve been dodging are small things. Mormon missionaries coming over trying to get young blood to join them. I’ve gotten better at saying no and politely lying about not having time for them. Saves me a lot of headache.
I’m a brass musician and an atheist so the only time I go to church is when I’m getting paid. The last time some Mormons approached me about going to church I asked them, “What’s the pay?”
They were genuinely confused.
I love them lol, I give them a copy of The First SubGenius Pamphlet and tell them the good word of our guru J. R. “Bob” Dobbs, Saint of Sales and Slack. “Bob” got a divine vision much like their Joseph Smith, except it was in 1953 while working on a television set of his own design when he received a shock and a vision from “god,” the same one known to them as Jehovah, who told “Bob” of his true nature, that he is no god but a space monster named JHVH-1 from some corporate sin galaxy sent here to TAKE OUR SLACK!! But “Bob” has a plan, he’s collaborating with other aliens, the good ones called X-ists, to sell the planet out from under JHVH-1, and anyone who buys an Ordainment Membership through The Church of The SubGenius gets a ticket off planet onto the PleasureSaucers with the alien sex goddesses (gender agnostic, they can take any form you desire).
I have a blast and they get a taste of their own medicine, win win.
That whole SubGenius thing sounds crazy and I love it.
It is crazy! It’s the only religion that’s so crazy it just might WORK! PRA’BOB!
Don’t lie, tell them you already belong to the Satanic Temple in either heart/mind, or both 😌
This drives some of them with even more fervor to save your soul.