I think I got a crush on my dance instructor. Which fucking sucks for all the obvious reasons. Normally I wouldn’t be so worried. BUT I JUST HAD A GODDAMN ROMANTIC DREAM ABOUT HER. Seriously I just woke up from a dream about her confessing her love to me and me eagerly doing the same about her.
So how do you stop a crush from developing further? Because this is a well from which only disappointment may be drawn.
Edit: I am single btw.
Shit your pants during dance class. All possibility is dead.
In my experience, get to know the person, as a person. I see the crush as a separate entity from myself. The crush sees them as some unrealistic ideal superhuman, which falls apart when I take time to find out who the actual person is.
This assumes you have opportunities to casually chat without planning time specifically, or you can be in a regular part of group conversations.
Isn’t getting to know someone better the exact same path you would take if you like them too?
Didn’t hear any compelling reasons as to why an actual relationship would be bad. Having a relationship with an authority figure (teacher, doctor, therapist, etc) is taboo and often illegal, but if there’s really a connection there it should be doable to change up schedules or find new instruction so there’s no conflict anymore. Most of my crushes though have been very superficial and a few conversations dispelled the fantasy.
I see the crush as a separate entity from myself. The crush sees them as some unrealistic ideal superhuman, which falls apart when I take time to find out who the actual person is.
That’s pretty damn well put.
This assumes you have opportunities to casually chat without planning time specifically, or you can be in a regular part of group conversations.
There is maybe a tiny window. But it’s worth a shot.
I had a crush and had this like, idea* of who they might be.
Got to know them more and more, and… they’re exactly the person my imagination fabricated.
Anyway, we’re married and shit now. I wish the same for every person with a crush.
that is the ideal way it works out. It’s rare but awesome.
Time. Crushes are naturally a temporary infatuation. They pass given time. Have fun with the fantasies, but I personally would not suggest trying to actually hit on her.
It’s poor form to hit on people in their work places. If she initiates, that’s one thing, but I wouldn’t try anything otherwise.
To be fair, it would be unprofessional and in poor taste for the instructor to advance on a student/client.
Play Baldurs Gate 3 and crush hard on your companions.
I’ve found that when I want to kill a crush I can start looking for characteristics I dislike. Everyone has them and early on in infatuation we gloss over them. But intentionally highlight them and that crush usually goes away pretty quick. Works for me anyway
Really? Man, I always thought it was to study their routines and plan the murder for when they are most alone and have the site and a grave prepared. Ideally away from prying eyes unless you like the thrill of getting caught or whatever…
But that aside, this is really solid advice. Nitpicking things you don’t like is a great option towards losing interest.
She kicks puppies for fun and idolizes Hitler but God damn she’s sexy.
2 methods that I can think-of that might work, quickly enough for you:
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deliberately develop a crush on someone else, like Lena Headey, or someone, whom you are not going to meet weekly, and
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deliberately imagine her having total romancing with someone whom you both respect, value, & wouldn’t violate-their-boundaries.
Obviously, combining these 2 methods would be stronger.
Salut, Namaste, & Kaizen
_ /\ _
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Meet new people
Full speed ahead, tell her how you feel. It can only end in two ways:
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Your dream becomes a premonition and you live happily ever after.
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She tells you she doesn’t feel the same way and it ends there, awkwardly or not.
Speaking from experience. I had a crush on this one girl and I just couldn’t get her out of my mind. I decided to do something about it and asked her out. She said no and that was the end of it.
Don’t be afraid to be awkward.
Edit: If this truly is an impossible situation (you or the instructor are already in committed relationships) then I agree with everyone else telling you to find another instructor.
OR
Still do what I said but try to reconcile your feelings for her, with her. Also speaking from experience here. If she is a dance instructor, she is probably no stranger to having her pupils develop feelings for her.
If she is a dance instructor, she is probably no stranger to having her pupils develop feelings for her.
But this just makes it worse. Cause you’re probably right. Which would make me feel even more like a schmuck. Yeah I think I’m just gonna go find a new instructor.
Agreed. Coming out to a crush has never helped me personally as it was pretty evident they weren’t showing as much interest in me as I had in them. For me, crushes have always happened when my exposure to the person was one-sided/parasocial (as seems to have been the case in your lesson). I have found that the most effective way to prevent this is to get to know people that excite you on a personal level before a crush can develop. This usually means enthusiastically trying to interact with them moment I notice them and abandoning them if it does not work out — instead of watching them for a while and then deciding whether to approach.
Maybe you could get a new instructor, but tell the current one why, and say you just feel it’s right to move on.
Then, if there’s any reciprocating feelings you might find out. And if not, at least you’re already moving on.
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Don’t jerk off thinking about her
Imagine her picking her nose and eating the booger. Next, imagine her taking a huge stinky steaming dump. Disclaimer: only works if you’re not German.
Or Cartman’s mother.
I’m pretty much the same as you. I just do my hobbys or play games and such. You slowly forget about her, trust me.
Didn’t work for me. It’s been fucking 4 years.
Then I doubt it’s a crush.
What it’s then?
Find someone else
Simple yet effective. I think that there is something missing romantically in your life and those feelings won’t go away because you bury them
It’s not burying them per se, it’s how sex drives work.
From my own experience: cut all contact with that person… which may not be viable in your situation.
So it’s either quit dancing or develop romantic feelings for her? Q.E.D. I’m fucked.
I mean, you can find a new dance instructor.
I had a crush on a girl when I was 14, still do, It’s been 10 years. Havent seen her or talked to her for 8. Can a hypnotist or someone help.
Its not a deep crush now, but I still think about her OFTEN and am not at all over it.
Edit: jeez i wonder what it’d be like to be on the recieving end of that lol.
UPDATE: I JUST REACHED OUT AND SHE DOESNT EVEN REMEBER ME 😭😭. I FEEL ~
dead inside~Ouch. That sucks 😞
At least you know though. Maybe you can move on now. Hope so 🤞
Oh my brain will delulu itself into something I’m sure.
Yeah, I’ve found that learned anxiety that my brain has around crushes from my past is one thing time does not heal.
Shit yourself in front of her. You may need to prepare with laxative beforehand.
How the fuck did this get suggested twice?
They call me “big cat” cause ima puma pants
You and your dance instructor should hang out and take molly together.
