I’m 41F. I was married but separated 8 years ago. I was still young but was very traumatized and never really wanted another relationship. Lately I’ve been feeling a little lonely and would like to meet some new people but I moved and don’t have many friends here and the ones I have are younger and do younger people things (like going out at night. I’m too old for that lol). I wanted to meet some people my age, friends or dates, but almost everyone is married. I do cooking and French classes but again, only young people do that and I’m the “odd old lady”. I think people past 40 don’t really have hobbies or money to spend on them. I’m overweight so I can’t really use apps, and to be honest don’t really want. So how a single woman without kids (can’t have it) meet people?! Or do I just give up?! lol
What about volunteering groups? I’m in my 20s but volunteering groups tend to have people on the older side. It helps that people in their 40s and over tend to be financially stable and would spend their free time to volunteer.
You’re right I’ll try!
I’m going to second this one. I volunteer for an air museum and it’s folks from late 30s and up.
Edit: accidentally submitted before I was done typing
Organize a local Lemmy meetup for 40+ year olds! Lol
I am in my mid 40s myself. I think the default advice is to just find social hobby groups and meet people that way. The more you put yourself out there, the more chance you have to make a connection. Also, I don’t think it’s a problem to be the “odd old lady” - wear that badge with pride IMO.
I would love but I’m not in america and people here don’t really know about it :/ … yet lol
You’re overweight? Make the gym your hobby. I’m a 48 year old woman and I go to the gym every day and lots of people to interact with.
It doesn’t even need to be a hobby in the sense that you’re always there. Going a few times a week gets you exposed to people and you’re getting more fit and healthier. And there’s usually at least self confidence that comes along to help with finding other hobbies if you want.
like going out at night. I’m too old for that lol
WTF.
I’m 49, you are absolutely not too old to be going out. You’re also not to old to be in the middle of the mosh pit.
lol! I meant I don’t have the patience for young drunk people anymore. I only know a couple of 28yo here and went out with them one night… guess who was puked on? lol
I was done with partying when I was in my twenties, honestly. It doesn’t give me anything. I can’t hear people talking, we always lose each other in the crowd, it’s stuffy, people are obnoxious when drunk, etc etc etc, blech.
I much prefer a social thing at someone’s house with at most like 5-8 people, maximum. Preferably max 4. Then everyone can be heard, get a chance to speak, not too loud, bathroom close at hand, cheaper drinks that don’t empty your pockets, access to more fun things not available in a club/restaurant like video/board games, movies, etc etc etc.
access to more fun things not available in a club/restaurant like video/board games, movies, etc etc etc.
Beercades exist, I’ve been in a bar/brewery that had a collection of board games to borrow, etc. Also, karaoke at hole-in-the-wall Japanese and Korean places is super fun.
Still those other problems, though…
Drink more, be the puker.
Also, in re: being overweight and not being able to use apps… I’d strongly suggest you work on changing that now. The longer you wait, the harder it’s going to be, and being overweight makes being old really hard. Hard as in, knee, hip, and back damage. Trust me when I say that getting into a solid diet and workout plan is not fun, but being fit and losing weight is much easier than dealing with the long term consequences.
I took a long break during the pandemic because my gym refused any safety measures (shockingly, a lot of people died from covid-19 in my town /s), and getting back to the kind of levels of fitness I had in 2018 is hard and painful.
Lol!!
I’d like to know too.
My childhood friend ditched his family and swapped for a younger woman from work about a decade ago. Marriage was not the happiest, but I think he jumped the gun. Now the younger woman ditched him and he’s alone. His now teenage child is keeping touch, but is not happy about their history.
Guy is miserable and I’m afraid suicide is an option.
Can’t get him to take a new hobby, interest or activity. He’s been drowning himself in work and I don’t think it’s helping.
With men it’s easier because there are men’s groups. Have your friend join a men’s group. I mean, if he wants to get over his shit. If he’s asking. If he’s not, you can’t really help him.
In my area, a medium sized U.S. city, there are no male specific groups.
there are plenty of “women in (insert hobby)” groups and other groups that are designed towards what are considered minorities (in the U.S.), which meetup groups seem to exist for everything except for men, unless the man is also gay or racist or black or transitioning, etc.
i think many people in my area assume that any group which doesn’t name a specific minority, is a ‘male’ group but it’s not the case at all. i constantly have trouble finding social activities, because i’m a straight white male. i don’t fit in with any of the local meetup group demographics and don’t drink or care about sports or videogames.
so in my opinion and experience, i wouldn’t say it’s easier for men everywhere, just in certain locations perhaps.
Disc golf is absolutely something to check out, no matter where you are starting from. Golf-like rules with much more interesting terrain and equipment. Unlike golf in being easy and cheap to pick up, and having a famously friendly player base with deep hippie roots and a passion for growing the sport. My mom plays with gusto in her 60’s, and several of her senior center buddies found their way into the game on their own too.
It shares many of the good things about hiking, volunteering, and activity clubs, and new friends from those will be excited to join you on the course. A group encountering the sport early on and all getting addicted to it together are such a joy. It’s also a fantastic sport for just walking through the forest alone, listening to audiobooks and talking to birds and chipmunks while practicing whipping colorful plastic into the distance with your whole body (and accidentally hitting trees.)
Disc golf was the fastest growing sport in much of the world pre-pandemic, and took off so fast during the opening act that you could hardly buy discs off the shelf. You may have many courses and shops nearby, https://udisc.com/ is the best place to get started. Good teachers like Danny Lindahl can help with the form basics if you want a crash course. As you get more involved, there are new niches to find like disc dyeing, weekly amateur doubles leagues, following the pro scene on YouTube, and volunteering at tournaments with course clubs.
Go try it! Wear sturdy shoes, let people play through if you’re in a relaxed paced group, yell FORE and keep yelling at errant shots, and just get a beginner friendly fairway driver and a putter that feels good in your hand and go try ‘em out. Hope ya have a blast
Okay, this post is only an hour old but it already has a ton of replies. I reallly hope you see this, though. I’m going to GBF you for just a couple of minutes.
First of all - girl, seriously? 40 year olds go out all the time for drinks. You should try going out with friends so you can keep an eye on each other, but every bar go to is filled with people our age. I’m ten years older than you, and I in no way feel like an old man in a bar. If you have a next day recovery concern, just limit yourself, or go on the weekends. Just make sure you’re taking an Uber and if you’re doing solo yolo let a friend know where you’re going and let them track your phone or something.
Second, apps can be toxic but they can also be gamed. You’re looking for a silver fox type, maybe with a bit of a dad bod is my guess. Put out for some headshots or other pro photos. There’s even a lot of amateur photographers who you might be able to find on insta who would be happy to do a quick session for a modest amount of money. Do yourself a favor and get a serious makeover and some new outfits first, because it will make you feel like your best self.
Third, it’s okay to just be looking to get dicked down even while looking for something serious. Don’t hang everything on finding your next life partner if you really are just craving physical affection.
There are tons of 40+ men who are single due to similar circumstances to yours. They’re at bars, and they go to concerts at local venues. They’re probably not going to be at the clubs the 20-something’s go to, but they have their own territories.
It really sounds like you have to see yourself as your best self, and up your game with that confidence.
Oh I don’t really care only about men. I really don’t have friends here. I moved here about a year ago, work from home witha fully international team. I think this circumstance of not talking to people for days made me lonely for company, not only men. Yes dick is nice and all but I think it’s more about company. I don’t really drink much and going to a bar alone is kind of sad and going with young people don’t really fit me, I’m pass some things. I was just looking for some new ideas :)
Look for a bar where there’s more than just drinking - pool, shuffleboard, trivia night, etc. There’s always a group that’s one person short. Find anyplace that you like - coffee shop, dog park, or whatever - and go at the same time each week. You’ll begin to see regulars and then it’s easier to start a conversation because they already feel familiar. Take along a book you like, read a few pages, and then set it on the table. A book looks more interesting than scrolling your phone and can be a good conversation starter. I went to a whiskey tasting recently and it was packed with men over 40!! Seriously, like 50 guys and 5 women! Liquor stores here do free wine tastings on certain nights- there’s always a line and everyone’s chatting while they wait- is this your first time, what are they sampling today, have you had it before, …
Have you tried volunteering? Gets you out, you’d meet people with similar interests, and to top it off you’d be doing good in the community!
At work, at the gym, at the coffee shop, at the library. At yoga, at the beach, Pokemon go raid hour. Mostly at work, but I’m older than you and that’s where I meet people and have made friends as an adult.
Not all hobbies require money, that’s an odd take. I do think it’s harder to meet people when you don’t have a family though, that part is true, connections are made through other people so it’s more work to build a network if you are just one person.
Great age to meet men, though, if you are looking for that - don’t worry about your weight, plenty of guys either like a plush build or don’t care. You will do fine in that regard if you are looking.
Check your local library for adult programs.
I have a group of friends from Meetup (as others have suggested). One of them just got married for the first time at around 40. He met his wife via a friend who he also met from Meetup. Just a personal anecdote but I thought it would be helpful :)
Good luck!
Board game or DnD club! I’ve met so many cool people at these things and it’s a fun hobby to boot! :)
I think that depends on the groups that exist near you.
I know someone who was in a similar situation (divorced around 50), and she found a local hiking group of divorced people who wanted exactly what you’re looking for. So maybe ask on a local group on some social networks?
Hiking specifically is great because it’s an activity that both kinda forces people to talk, and also supplies a default topic for conversation (It’s also free, healthy and doesn’t require special skills). If you’re not into hiking, maybe a book club? Volunteering groups, like other people suggested, also fits that bill. Point is, don’t just look for [an activity] with people your age, think about how much that activity is conductive for making friends. Something with 10% people your age, but that encourages talking with each other, might be better than something with 90% people your age where the group listens to a teacher together and then everybody does their own thing separately.
Also, It might actually get easier to find new people in a few years. Some people wait for their kids to grow up/move out before divorcing, which creates a spike of single people at that age.
I know you said you don’t like dating apps, but I would write them off completely. My partner and I met online (we’re both within a few years of your age), and one thing we both agree on is that dating apps are great for vetting a potential partner ahead of time. It’s frustrating to meet someone only to find out that they have/want kids (we don’t), don’t share any common interests, have opposing religious/political views, etc. By the time we actually met in person, we both already knew that we would at least get along as friends. It does seem that women tend to get a lot more “garbage” matches on online dating than men do, though; it probably also depends largely on where you live.
Mutual Aid/Food Bank/Volunteer around your city, or start a group and invite people around.
Local park and library/college may also help, where groups tend to meet.
Gyms also have classes for different age groups, may take a bit to figur out though!
Quick search:
https://bestlifeonline.com/hobbies-for-your-40s/
Some of these are common sense and good ideas!
Best way to meet new people is when doing things you love!
Loved the link, thanks!
