Also being ok with rejection
But repeated rejection has an effect of reinforcing our undesirableness, and takes a toll on our self-esteem. How do people cope with this?
Friends, family, therapy.
Also if therapy is too expensive, group therapy, or just time
Why assume a rejection is because of you?
Why not assume they are having a bad day, they are just out of a previous relationship and they want a break, your just not their type (even if you had all the abs and a chiseled jaw and confidence they wouldn’t be interested), what if they aren’t into your gender, or what if they are in a committed relationship with their horse?
There are a lot of things that can cause it to be a no deal that are not your fault. If you feel like you did a good job asking, then it is probably one of the above.
Why assume a rejection is because of you?
This goes in all matters. The people who succeed don’t take everything personally.
Everyone who’s deflected N rejections and given life advice to others based on that, has not yet experienced N+1 rejections.
Was it bad advice, or are you just maudlin because you know I am right?
That circles back around to confidence
But being constantly rejected circles back to breaking down one’s confidence.
If it’s breaking down your confidence than you are not ok with rejection.
Is anyone truly ok with constant rejection?
No, no one is fully ok with it. This entire thread is like the emperor’s new clothes or something.
Yeah, everyone here is like, “If you can’t handle rejection, then you’re WEAK and LACK CONFIDENCE! And you’re the ONLY ONE! Everyone else in the world is strong & emotionally bulletproof except for YOU!”
🙄
People with healthy egos are able to register that someone does not want them as a romantic partner without having a crisis, yes.
I see I’ve upset some users today. This may seem like stating the obvious but clearly some people here need to hear it:
If you are emotionally devastated by rejection you likely do not have a healthy ego or self-image. This is the confidence part.
Assigning responsibility for fixing your self-image to a potential romantic partner is seeking external validation for an internal problem.
No amount of external validation will fix you. It will only feed the unhealthy expectations you’re already acting on.
Confidence is the external display of a healthy self-image (overconfidence is another example of external display of an unhealthy self-image).
Potential partners can sense your desperation for validation and it is not an attractive personality trait. It’s basically saying “I need you to do this emotional labor for me because I am not strong enough”.
No one wants to do your emotional work for you.
Surely there exists a middle ground between being devastated by rejection and not registering continuous rejection as, perhaps, a sign that the rejectors have a point.
Emotional resilience is great, but if people keep giving you the same feedback maybe they have a point (and you should try changing, rather than brute forcing your way through social interactions, hoping to get lucky).
I’m not saying that you’re denying this, so I am jumping over some discussion, but tbf I think we’re both doing it.
no it doesn’t
Fake it till you make it. Confidence still works, even if its faked
Alcohol!
If romantic comedies have taught me anything, it’s to never take “no” for an answer, and it’s ok to stalk people because it will all just work out in the end when they realize what they’ve been missing this whole time.
Jeez I wonder if the prevalence of this trope could have overreaching social consequences
This is unironically how my grandparents met, did help that my grandfather was rather intelligent and decently competent. Shame he was a dumbass and gave himself lung cancer, wear a mask when working with aerosols it may save your life.
Some of it’s also probably situation based.
If you hit on every single person of the gender that you like at one gym, they’ll probably start to feel like you really just want just anyone who will say yes. They’ll probably feel like you don’t like them for them, and that you’re just trying to keep your bed warm. Most people who want relationships want to be with someone who likes them individually as a person. Try not to write “scripts” for the situation in your head too much, either. If you do, it might crash and burn the second that someone goes off of that “script”.
It’s kind of tragic how all of this has become. A relationship likely won’t fix any problems you might have with yourself, nor would it fix most of the other aspects of your life. A partner will also have their own needs and wants, and you should try to have room to provide some of that before you start dating.
Don’t listen to guys like Tate. If he really had good advice, more people from his fan base would be in a happy relationship now, no? He makes money by making you continue to watch his videos. That’s all he cares about. He’s giving you bad advice so he can keep making money off of your sadness. That’s not a bro thing to do.
Don’t follow the plot of any rom-coms. That behaviour is usually a fantastic way to get a restraining order and absolutely ruin any chances you might have had with that person.
Find the little things that make you happy. Gardening? MTG? Video games? Hockey? Drawing? MMA? Take the time to properly enjoy those things that you love with the people who are already around you. It will help build some of that confidence. Let youself be passionate about your hobbies sometimes. It’s ok, I promise.
Try not to worry too much if you mess up or if you ruin your chances with one person. There are over 8 billion people on earth, so there’s almost always someone else you can try with. NO ONE succeeds 100% of the time, and that is more than OK. That is human.
Don’t beat yourself up over not succeeding right away. Unless you are literally currently on your death bed, you still have time.
Outside of the dating stuff, be kind to youself, and try to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Self care isn’t just fitness and healthy eating. Sometimes could be having pizza in the bath, sometimes it might be playing DnD over multiple continents, sometimes it might be watching cartoons, and sometimes it could even be something like skincare. Your happiness is important, and you should treat it as such.
As long as it doesn’t harm anyone else in the process, please do what you need to do to feel happy. Life is too short to pause your happiness for someone who hasn’t shown up yet. Life is too short to wait to improve things until you meet someone who hasn’t shown up yet.
You deserve happiness, and the sooner you acknowledge that, the better. Find happiness despite what life might throw at you. Try to find joy even in chaos, and always remember that bad feelings usually don’t last forever. You can get through these hard times.
That’s maybe the most helpful and positive thing I’ve seen on a shitpost. And honestly, I needed to hear some of that, so thank you.
I’ve followed this advice exactly for many years, and it lead me to a simple conclusion: These things that make me happy don’t connect in any way to relationship possibilities, and relationships will not make your life any happier. In short, dating is for chumps.
I’ve seen way too many guys who think they’re uglier than they are. Confidence and Comedy really are great ways to have a shot, even if you’re faking the confidence. Its a tough lesson, but you DO need to sell yourself a little
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With the rate of obsessive angry men in the world, I’d be amazed at any woman brave enough to give a straight “No” instead of a nonspecific answer used to get themselves out of the situation.
People aren’t just dealing with ”No”, but “No, and the chances that you’re a rapist are high enough I’m now scared of you and won’t give you a straight answer”.
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Do you want a friend, or a relationship? That seems very unclear from your phrasing.
The least you can do for people is be honest. Even if it leads to mild rejection heartbreak, it’s dishonest and hurtful to falsely claim you just want a friendship. Some women are just trying to make friends so they have people to fall back on socially, and find out the only three people they hang out with planned to get into their pants at some point. That’s not good for anyone.
No, I’m in a very long and stable relationship, and I have many very wonderful friends. I do enjoy meeting new people, though. You seem super nice, but I’m all set, but thank you so much for asking! You’re so sweet! 🥰
I really would’ve thought the context of being in a conversation about how people gain relationships would’ve made clear I was asking about ‘what you’re seeking’ when you give this theoretical relationship advice, rather than suddenly attempting a lifelong connection via internet comments, but hey, whatever floats your ego (even if that’s clicking a ‘down’ button).
You gotta show up for yourself before you’re gonna get the girl my dude. Fix those open sores on your face and shave.
and I thought open source was a good thing…
And for the love of god, F(L)OSS.
Confidence in yourself takes work. Confident people are confident because they loved themselves first and you take care of those you love
nah you start by faking it and being ironically confident until you trick yourself and it becomes second nature. replace self deprecating humor with god complex humor until you believeeeee
I mean, 6 of one. If you feel better and aren’t a total dick to everyone I think that’s a win
yikes
Why do some people “love themselves first” and some do not?
Because it’s effort and not everybody is up to doing that work for one reason or another. We all have self doubt and it takes a lot to push past that sometimes
Sure real confidence does, but fake confidence is a good step on that path, and is better than none at all
Cartoon memes are starting to resemble actual art
Average mfr with a anime pfp arguing politics on unrelated topics
Lol this is hilarious!!!
That whole movie is an absolute gem
Ok, listen. A great attitude (what the meme calls ‘confidence’) will definitely improve your chances. This doesn’t detract from the fact that if you were to randomly ask a lot of people out, the vast majority of them would still say no because either they’re not looking for a partner or you’re not their type. The hard part is accepting that fact and continue trying without getting so emotionally exhausted that you no longer even want to try. Tinder makes this even worse, because it condenses dozens of rejections in a short amount of time, in a context that makes looks far more important than other worthwhile traits of yours.
Of course, having an ugly face, being poor and even having bad genetics will make things harder. But there are plenty of fat, ugly dudes and gals in happy relationships. If you see yourself in the meme, your worst enemy is not knowing how to get out of a pit of hurt and self-doubt, but it’s an enemy you can beat.
It’s all he needs. You on the other hand… had better be a trillionaire. :-P
I’m just imagining this scene in a cartoon and it is kind of funny, if it were drawn literally as is.
WHY ARE WE INCEL POSTING
Well …it is in SHITposting…
why not just post swastikas then
It’s Lemmy Shitpost, is it not?
again, why not just post swastikas then? if it doesn’t mean anything and you don’t stand by its message, what’s the difference? it’s all just white noise on shitpost right?
I mean if you posted a funny meme of hitler, would it not have a swastika on it?
And yes, this is Lemmy Shitpost. If you want classier shit I think you might want to look elsewhere.
What the fuck are you taking about my dude
I guess saying anything that sniffs remotely as politically incorrect (whatever that is these days) leads us straight to swastikas lol
Why the duck
Confidence is knowing that she’s not The One.
