An acquaintance of yours asks why you act so strangely around her. She seems a little hurt, and is worried you hate her or something. And the truth of the matter is that you have… well it wouldn’t be right to call it a crush, but you find her very beautiful and have been worried about making a fool of yourself. And it isn’t your intention to harass her or pursue her in any way, you’re not even looking for a relationship or anything right now, you’re just nervous around her for basically no reason, and she’s noticed and she wants to know if she’s done something to offend you.
What on earth is the correct thing to say?
Have you tried “You intimidate me”?
Disclaimer: this response is from a complete idiot
Well if you have romantic inclinations and no reason not to pursue (one or both of you is in a relationship or youve been told no before)- you ask them out.
Otherwise you say nothing. If there’s no path romantically forward, what benefit would it serve?
Do you care that I saw someone attractive the other day? If so, why didn’t you ask me yet? Well, i’l wager you don’t really care, and if there’s no path forward for either of you here, this person cares as much about whether you like them as you care how much I like someone - which is not at all.
I’d personally keep it generic. I guess something like “Sorry, I just get nervous when interacting with other people sometimes. You haven’t done anything wrong.”. Hopefully reassures her, but doesn’t make it awkward by bringing up any sexual feelings.
As a woman, I cannot stress enough how this is really the only sensible answer based on your post. As of writing this all the other comments are just objectively worse. Do not make either of you more uncomfortable than necessary and just do what this comment suggests. In general, unless you’re both interested in perusing things, no woman wants to hear about your sexual feelings towards them, even if just to say you’re not planning on acting on them.
Thank you for your valuable perspective. I was just thinking that I’d take it as a compliment, but then, I’m a guy.
This sounds ideal. Anything more specific suggesting unwanted attraction is just going to amplify the awkwardness.
This seems pretty great, and probably more than enough. I’d still like to bring extra options to the table, so:
You could also thank them for asking, to get some weirdness out of the way (you establish that you are happy that they are trying to figure out why there is any ‘weirdness’) You could also put some more emphasis on the fact that it’s internal and not triggered by something they could control in any way.
It can be nice to be in someones presence that’s so beautiful/attractive to you that it kind of makes you weird/glow/giddy/nervous :) . Not something we experience every day!
No. It’s a stupid thing to say to anyone.
Why would you tell this to anyone? Stop being so weird and stop blaming her for your actions. Develop some pride and take responsibility. You choose to act how you act. It is nothing to do with her.
There’s no good way to say 👉👈
Learn to interact with people without wanting something. Learn to interact with rich people without getting greedy. Learn to interact with powerful people without getting jealous. Learn to interact with hot girls without getting horny. Trust me, they all know what you want. The correct thing to say is nothing. Just stop being weird about it.
What in the world?? Get out of your head. You want to be intimate with her or not? You think she’s beautiful so you get nervous around because you don’t want a beautiful person to think poorly of you, or you don’t want to mess up chances of being intimate with them, or you are nervous about telling them you want to be intimate with them? Just tell them you get nervous around them and go from there. If it’s a work setting be very careful. If not, just say you think they’re beautiful and you get nervous. Then decide if that’s how you want to carry the relationship forward or make a move and see how they feel about you.
It sounds like you could say exactly that
Agreed. There’s nothing toxic about a light crush as long as you keep it light and don’t make it the other’s problem. Of course context is everything but it’s a normal thing to happen between adults, right?
you say you’re worried about harassing her. we need more context on why you’re worried about this to be able to give the best answer. If this is a professional context for either or both of you, the focus should be maximizing your professional rapport by reassuring her without mentioning romance. if it’s a very laid back workplace where strict boundaries aren’t 100% mission critical you miiight get away with something like “in a different life I’d like to know you a little better actually, but I think the most important thing for both of us right now is to keep this professional.” vs if this is an entirely personal relationship you could try something more like,"I’d actually like to know you better if you’re interested but I didn’t want to overstep.“
I’ve been there. I just look into the ground and say “I think you’re so incredibly beautiful and km intimidated by it”
I think most people will interpret that as confessing a crush.
