• Stamets@lemmy.world
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    21 hours ago

    I don’t mean to sound ridiculous or facetious here, but honestly, absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing. I have nothing to be hopeful about anymore. My best friend had been screwing me over for months. My family hates me because I’m gay. I hate myself for a thousand different reasons. Like, I don’t really have anything to be hopeful about anymore. I’m just waiting to die.

    • NιƙƙιDιɱҽʂ@lemmy.world
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      15 hours ago

      For what it’s worth, from one internet stranger to another, I’m sorry.

      No one should feel so betrayed on all fronts. That’s awful :(

      • Stamets@lemmy.world
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        10 hours ago

        It’s how I’ve felt for a long time. Had a break with them as a roommate until I realized they were doing the same thing to me that everyone else was. Meh. I’m used to it.

    • BlameTheAntifa@lemmy.world
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      16 hours ago

      While I feel everything you wrote in my soul and can empathize with almost every part, know that you are loved by an internet stranger. You deserve happiness, fulfillment, and peace. You are a work of art. Sometimes art is sad or depressing or horrifying, but even with those themes it is beautiful and impactful and moving. You are a work of art that always changes. Learn to love that art, learn to nurture it. Treat it like the masterpiece it is and put it where the world can enjoy it.

      I’m here for you if you ever need someone to talk to. I’m not always the most upbeat person given — literally everything — but I’m happy to be a friend.

      P.S. Thank you for all the content you share. You are a cornerstone of the fediverse.

      • Stamets@lemmy.world
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        10 hours ago

        Never going to love myself but I appreciate it. I don’t want to anyway.

        Also good god… Those are a whole lot of upvotes. Thank you lol but I wouldn’t say I’m a cornerstone of the fediverse. Maaaaaaaaybe early early on but no where near it now.

    • IndolentRoshi@lemmy.world
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      19 hours ago

      I’m sorry to hear that for you. I hope you can stumble upon, create, or be gifted a life you feel is worth living. I hope you find a good reason to hope.

      • Stamets@lemmy.world
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        19 hours ago

        I just have a bad track record on trusting people. I thought I broke that recently. I was wrong. Combine that with that broken trust snowballing into severe financial problems where I might be homeless? I’m out of hope.

        • MagicShel@lemmy.zip
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          5 hours ago

          Hey, friend. Just remember that broken trust speaks ill of them, not you. And as for a bad track record, I find that the most trusting people are also the most trustworthy. Right now that’s pretty much all I know about you, but it’s enough to believe you’re making the world around you better. I don’t think your problem is trust, but rather being in a position where broken trust leaves you in an untenable situation.

          I don’t know your reasons for hating yourself. Those belong to you. But whatever they are, whether they are valid or not, you don’t deserve hate. Hell, I wouldn’t waste my time hating anyone — hate has never solved a single problem. Give yourself some grace and room to make mistakes and improve. And then to stumble and do it again. We all have.

          No lie, part of life is just luck, and for that part I hope yours is good. But the rest of it is in your hands, and those sound like decent hands to be in.

          • Stamets@lemmy.world
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            3 hours ago

            I appreciate it, but it’s all based off of only a small bit of information that you’re aware of. I suck. I hate myself. I have a reason to hate myself. I have almost no value for the rest of humanity in general. So while I do appreciate it, it’s not true for me.

            • MagicShel@lemmy.zip
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              2 hours ago

              I mean I’ve felt that way before, too. In my case, when I’m not on my ADHD meds, I’m truly a worthless person, contributing nothing at work, waiting around to get fired, etc. I also needed my wife and family to unlock my self-worth in other ways, but that’s a lot more personal and fraught. Maybe there is something that can unlock your worth however you choose to measure it. Good luck, bother.