I recently moved to the USA, from the middle east. My English is pretty good, and I don’t have a lot of trouble communicating with people at work or in stores. I also don’t know anyone here at all, outside of work. All my family is still back in Gaza, and I’ve been here over a year now, and still feel cut off from American people and culture.
How do you make friends and socialize here? How do I learn more about America and Americans culture? I know a bit about history, but not much about anything else.
I don’t drink or go to bars, for religious reasons. I have joined a couple of clubs based on hobbies, but still feel disconnected. I’m not sure how you socialize or meet new people here, in my family everyone came around your house all the times of the day, and here it seems like neighbors just stick to themselves. I don’t want to bug people or anoy them if that is not the customs here.
Also, what are your favorite parts of American culture and history? So far I have enjoyed Nascar and monster trucks very much, and studying mathematics.
I’ve lived here my whole life, and I have no idea how to meet new people.
You mentioned you joined a few clubs. I would say focus on that. As long as you’re going out to the same social place every day and doing some activities, you’ll be bound to meet friends.
Yes, I have been in a few clubs for about a year, but it seems like people just show up for the meeting an activities, and then leave. It’s not what I am used to, where a small thung turns into many days and many people coming by to talk, trade stories… do you talk to the people you meet outside of a group of people? I do not what impose or be rude to people if that is not what is normal here.
In my experience, it takes months or even years of being in the same orbit of some people to actually become friends with them. It usually starts with meeting for coffee after an event, or some other time that works for both of you. I’m in the PNW (Pacific Northwest), so coffee is our go to. Just keep showing up, make sure you strike up conversations with people, and when it feels right ask them to swap contact info with you.
The PNW is the hardest place I’ve ever lived to make friends. The weather certainly doesn’t help. The Seattle Freeze is real.
I think this is a major culture difference between your home country and US. What you describe is not how people in America socialize. The closest comparison would be college years, where you live in a small walkable town, typically with roommates, and don’t have too many responsibilities. If you want to recreate that then I’d recommend grad school. Or move to Chicago or ny city or small college town. The suburbs is generally where people move to focus on work and family, social lives change to be more around family, neighbors, and their kids school. It will be hard for a young person to make friends there. East coast has a bit more social culture than the rest of the US but it really depends city to city. West coast everyone is nice and relaxed but socially cliquey, it can be impossible to break into a friend group. Midwest everyone is nice but social events are more in the home over meals, more of a family vibe.
I have been looking at some grad schools, to maybe end up with a PhD in mathematics.
Usually you don’t just approach strangers and start talking, unless you’re in a bar or a social club. That can be perceived as weird here. Although , you can have varying degrees of success with it depending on how attractive you are (I know, the world is unfair).
Have you considered joining something like the Rotary Club, or the Fraternal Order of the Eagles? Those types of groups are all about fraternization and accomplishing goals together.
Chicago is a big baseball town. You could learn about baseball and go to a game. You probably won’t meet anyone at a game, but it’ll get you pumped up about the sport. Baseball is pretty boring until you attend a game. Once you’ve been to the ballpark and felt the energy, the game will suddenly click for you. Then get yourself a Cubs hat and start going to a sports bar on game nights. It’s completely appropriate and common to talk to people there. Cheer together about the game. Complain loudly about the umpire, and bond with your fellow fans. After attending a few times you’ll start to recognize people who show up regularly. They won’t all drink, btw, so that doesn’t need to be a concern. You can exchange contact information with people you get along with. Heck, find a decent sized group of friends there and offer to be a designated driver. That will immediately earn you some popularity points and people will be calling you every week to see if you want to carpool to the game.
Hmm, I have not been to a baseball game yet, I may try this.
Where in the country did you move to? The US is really big, and things change depending one what region you go to.
I’m in a suburb of Chicago Illinois now.
I can’t speak for Chicago in particular, but the suburbs of any major city tend to be fairly isolated. You said you don’t drink, but I still might suggest going to bars anyway, since that’s where most socializing happens. Look for a barcade in your area perhaps, sometimes they host trivia nights and that can be a great way to meet people, even if you’re sober.
Not sure which suburb you’re in, but going indoor rock climbing opens up a lot of opportunities. They have group climbing, lessons, and sign up sheets to find partners
Start a YouTube channel explaining household technologies in depth
lol it’s like saying “hello I am new to Asia, how do I make frieds”
“That’s the neat part! You don’t!”
Drinking can be a big part of socializing in the US, but you’ll be able to get by without it. Neighbors don’t come over uninvited here, and it’s unusual to have the type of friendships where people come by unannounced all the time (at least, after college).
I might try a few things:
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If you haven’t already, find a local mosque to attend; that’s a good way to widen your social circle with American Muslims, who may be able to introduce you to more people, broaden it further, etc. It’ll be folks who are more culturally familiar, but many will likely be a bit more integrated already and have a wider group of American friends as well.
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Hobby based clubs are great, but they do tend to be a little transactional – think about hobbies you want to be doing anyway (so you’re not JUST there to meet people).
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If you have the time, I’d be on the lookout for volunteering and community service type activities – it’s a great way to meet good people, more committed than a hobby group, and much less awkward to socialize in than a workplace.
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Depending where you live, try and strike up conversations a bit more openly / frequently, and be willing to mention that you just moved here and don’t know many folks. At the barbershop, out to breakfast, in a long line, at the coffee shop, etc. Make conversation, a lot of people will be happy to chat and some will invite you to things. Just gotta be ok with lots of chats.
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Dude I’m 44, I’ve lived here my whole life. When I find an answer, I’ll let you know.
Try inviting a neighbor that you say hi to often over for a BBQ. Then BBQ up some food and serve them beers (you don’t need to drink). Or invite them for dinner and make some food from your cuisine that’s extra tasty. Basically you’ll need to put yourself out there and risk being rejected. Initiate get-togethers.
You said you don’t drink for religious reasons. Have you been going to church? That’s usually a pretty good place to meet people. Attend some church functions.
I am going to a mosque, but even there it is very different to the mosque and culture I grew up with. Very somber and quiet.
Ah, yeah Americans tend to take actual worship service pretty seriously, but most churches have extracurricular functions where people hang out. Some of the better ones will have functions right after church, like lunch or whatever. I have a couple of Muslim friends and their mosques definitely get together for social functions outside of worship service (or whatever you guys call it). They’re in the south though, or I’d recommend their mosque to you. Check with your Imam and see if they hold any social gatherings you can participate in. At a minimum I would think they’d have some volunteer opportunities to participate in.
Generally if you’re outside of a city, the (often only) way to meet new people is things which are “necessary” for you like work/school, or having neighbours, since there isn’t really a “third place” in most of the US. If you can find a group/club/etc. for a hobby you have (e.g. drones, model trains, whatever) then that’s usually your best shot outside of that.
There’s a website / app called Meetup and there are local groups in almost every city for strangers to meet up for social events to get to meet new people and make friends.
I used it for a few months after moving to a new city and stopped once I made some personal connections and a friend group.
Yes, meetup is how I found a couple of clubs I am in now. just seems like people show up for activities and then leave without socializing much.
Are you interested in Dungeons and Dragons? Those groups usually end up pretty close-knit. If not, see if there’s a board gaming store near you that hosts gaming nights. Anything where you talk to the other participants a lot will eventually make you a friend or two. Or a book club might work too.
I have not played that yet, it is like a board game version of a RPG, right? I may try it out.
Yes, it’s a paper and pencil RPG, the OG one. It’s a really fun game if you can let yourself be silly for a few hours per week.
A hobby is a great way : if you have the time, energy and enjoy new things I’d really recommend social dancing. I’ve done salsa and swing classes and social nights, and found it very useful to build a nice group of people who get together for a not-so-intense hobby. They’re generally out in a public space, they get you moving, and don’t require intense socialisation all the time ( you’re more focused on the dance). A social generally has people of all degrees of dancing expertise. You get to chat with people you’d otherwise never cross paths with. Sometimes there’s live music too!
I have not considered dancing, I may look into that.
In some cities, there are other places where you can accomplish some of the socializing that happens in bars, without being in a bar or around alcohol at all. In older towns and cities you can often find breakfast places and cafés that don’t mind if you stay a while longer than it takes to eat a meal or drink coffee, and where customers at bar-style seating or outdoor tables often are interested in striking up a conversation with strangers.
It makes so much difference if you gravitate toward old cities and towns, and away from suburbs, especially modern suburbs (and their accompanying shopping and entertainment districts) built in the 80s or later. The latter tend to be completely, totally oriented toward the isolated and car-dependent lifestyle. Older, much longer established communities are more messy and sometimes even dysfunctional, yet they usually have some places where people actually meet and interact.
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A few years ago, a new guy started at my workplace and was assigned to sit next to me. From the first day, he just acted like we were already friends. Constantly talking to me and asking me about myself and telling me about himself. Eating lunch with me. Asking me to go for a short walk together or something during break times. We ended up becoming friends because he made it so easy. I’ve never really been able to do that.
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This is what happened with my introverted kids. Someone just decided they were friends.
Usually worked too.
Several people have recommended hiking groups, and that’s a really good option. Hikers are generally very friendly people, and you can meet a lot of very interesting people on the trails from all over the world. The United States is also gifted to have many vast and diverse wilderness parks that are federally protected, so you can definitely experience some absolutely wonderful landscapes that might be very different than where you grew up. We also have many thousands of miles of trails, including the Appalachian Trail, Pacific Crest Trail, and Continental Divide Trail, each of which is at least 2,100 miles long.
There are also very many other outdoor activities that Americans have long traditions with, so if you want exposed to more of the local cultures, find something to do outside that you’ve never tried before. Fishing, hunting, hiking, backpacking, kayaking, and camping are just a few of the popular ones.
Buy a motorcycle. Find local motorcycle groups. Enjoy!
I moved from the Midwest to the east coast after college. I found that the city I was living in didn’t like people that weren’t originally from there. The only friends I made were other people who didn’t grow up there. And some of them were from like 45 minutes away, and they were still not wanted. I was never happier to move back to the Midwest.
So, maybe where you live just isn’t receptive to newcomers?
