I use my own modem and my own router with XFinity.

Get your own gateway. Don’t rent theirs.

Pee when you have the chance.

Thanks to Trump, America doesn’t make any cents.

Not true. If the times were shorter you would still be able to pick up liquids.

They were racist remarks. Not inappropriate remarks.

I had a very sturdy, energetic dog who loved chasing a thrown ball. He was tied to a long rope (about 100 feet). I did not pay attention to where the rope was and threw the ball and he exploded from my side and flew like a rocket after the ball. The rope, unfortunately, was tied to a tree in the direction I was throwing but was curled behind me. I was wearing shorts and as the rope started to be pulled away, it pulled up against both of my calves and abraded all of the skin from the backs of my legs away in a moment, and then the rope was pulled taught, deftly swiping both of my legs out from underneath me, dropping me backwards onto my head on a stone patio, splitting my scalp and spraying blood all over my white canvas outdoor furniture. The dog looked very proud for catching the ball when he loped up to me afterwards.

What’s the letter “t” for?

Is that Santa giving head to an elf? Nice.

Granted. All houses are now 18sq ft and only available in cities where all jobs require you to clock in at 5AM and clock out at midnight.

As you celebrate your 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000th anniversary and witness the heat death of the universe, you realize that all matter and energy has dispersed, is no longer observable, and that you and your beloved will be floating in a void of nothingness forever.

Accepted. I for one welcome our new reptiloid overlords.

Donald Trump bumps his head and wakes up as an objective and rational person willing and capable of acting for the good of his country and the world instead of his own unintelligent, narcissistic ways.

He is an illegal immigrant.

Pee in snow

Women always will be habitually underestimated.

The person for whom the word prugly was created.

Technically made with high fructose corn syrup. I’ll allow it.

It’s almost like you shouldn’t trust the judgement of people who believe inter-dimensional space wizards are real

This is so med.