The fact I’ll die alone without ever feeling the love of a woman besides my mother and without a child saddens me. So, as kind of a consolation, I want to know… How does it feel? Being in love and being together, the sex part, just living together and all that…
I wouldn’t class revenge fantasy as positive, if I’m honest.
Parts of your brain will fight you on this, but try and think of something “nice” that makes you feel a tiny bit better, or happier, or relaxed.
For me, it’s stroking my cats and/or going for a walk, but it could be pretty much anything really - as long as it isn’t “I just want to watch the world burn” type stuff.
This isn’t easy, it won’t happen over night, but if you keep trying to identify something like this, and then purposefully choose to do it on a regular basis, you’ll have done the first 100metres.
Try to remember that part of your brain wants you to be sad and angry and depressed. You’ve listened to that bit a lot. But the bit that wants to be happier, that believes things can be better, is what is keeping you replying to this thread. Practise listening to that bit more.
I wish you the very best of luck. You can do this. You are worth it.
No I don’t believe that. Not because I’m a contrarian but because I know what women want and that’s not me and don’t wanna fake myself into being another person.
I agree, you are not a contrarian, but the bit of your mind that wants you to be sad all the time is. Why? Because it keeps you sad by stopping you from thinking about the contrary, as in being a tiny bit happier.
Just because you can’t complete a marathon today, does not mean that you are not capable, eventually and with training, to do so. But you have to start with the first 100m, and that bit of your mind is stopping you from even trying to do 100m, with the justification that because you can’t do 42km there’s no point to do 100m.
Or to put it another way, if you want to listen to Chop Suey, you listen to Chop Suey, right? You don’t justify not listening to it because you don’t have time to listen to SOAD’s entire discography.
Walking 100m, listening to that single song, or identifying something that makes you feel ever so slightly happier (not revenge!) is all the same thing. It’s all just taking a step. Nothing more.
You are not being fake by letting yourself enjoy something you enjoy. Again, that is the little bit of your brain wanting you to be sad convincing the rest of your brain to stop you doing that thing, because if you do that thing, and you’re a tiny bit happier, it gets less powerful.
Mate, think of it this way, how can you possibly know what another person wants, and what makes them happy, man or woman, when you are struggling to accept that you are simply allowed to feel even the smallest amount of happiness?
If you can’t understand that for yourself, and you spend all day every day inside your head, how can you possibly be certain that you’re correct for 7 billion others?
If you were right for 7 billion, then 1 more should be pretty trivial, surely?
Or, maybe it’s because that it’s just a lie the sad bit of your brain is screaming at the rest of your brain, just to keep you sad.
Negative thoughts are a part of you just as much as they are a part of me, but they are not all of you, and you are not only them.
And the same applies for positive thoughts, we contain a mix of both, not only one or the other.
Nobody, not even the most social dude has access to 7 billion people. I have access to just a few dozens at best, I’m a poor immigrant and do you think Italian girls like brown poor people? Unless you’re a fucking football player or a very stereotype latino party animal they don’t. Just give up mate, the moment you described how you got laid as basically a kid gives me less hope. Your life is a fantasy to me. I will not get better and fucking listening music won’t change jackshit on my life.
I’m a bunch of weird and undesirable traits put together plus I’m not a model look wise and I’m poor. NOTHING about it will change, ergo meaning nobody will come. I’m 35 ffs
I’m 34, the point I’m making is age doesn’t matter for what we are talking about. You are in a very similar mental and social state to what I was then. I’ve also relapsed multiple times since then. This shit is hard. But you are not alone, there is light at the end of the tunnel, but you can’t see it because the tunnel is insanely fucking bendy just to fuck with you.
I am sure there are Italian women that match what you describe, just as there are British women like that too. But I am certain there are others who aren’t like that, and value different things.
Now, do they want someone who is only looking for the negative? No, they don’t. But that is the exact same as the other part of your brain that is not wanting that either. You are not defined by your sadness. While it is a part of you, and always will be, it is not all of you.
I also appreciate that given how fucked the political situation is in Italy right now, and with a fascist in charge, being an immigrant must be incredibly difficult. But you are not defined by what racists say. Fuck those cunts. The best way to get revenge, on them, is to live the life that proves them wrong.
Again, your continued replies give me reason to believe you can get better. You just need to take the hardest imaginable step, which is to open the door and start the first 100m.
But you’re right, listening to a song you like isn’t going to change your life. But it will help you remember what feeling a tiny bit happier feels like. It may even give you a way to deliberately make yourself feel a bit happier when you’re having a bad day. When I’m really down I usually watch films I loved as a kid - like The Mask - and, for those 90 or some mins, I feel a bit better. Not a lot, but just enough to stop me falling further. And then I have to rebuild.
There are many steps left in the tunnel, but going forward will get you to the end. You can’t see it, I know it feels like it doesn’t exist and you’re completely alone in the dark, but it is there, and you’re not alone. You can do this.
The only reason I’m replying is because I’m sick of people bs me. There’s no tunnel. Is just my entire life. There’s nothing to rebuild, your dumb comparisons make no sense. I’m starting to feel that you’re doing this just to feel better about yourself “hey at least I didn’t finished like this loser and got to bang a chick”.
GIVE UP.
We’re not bullshitting you, we are trying to show you the way out.
And yeah, you got me, doing this does make me feel better. I feel better when I can use my experiences to help people. It helps me to remind myself to be kind to myself. Everything I am saying to you applies to me as well.
I won’t give up on myself, so why would I give up on you? You are just as valuable and important as I am.
Ignore the bit in your mind telling you to push us away, again, it’s scared that you’re realising that you are not it, and that it’s losing some control. It has got very used to being in control, but it is a part of you, you are not a part of it.
STFU.
There’s no bit pushing me to do this. I’m the one telling you that you’re wrong and you’re annoying as fuck. Stop trying to be a fucking psychoanalyst, yeah you got to taste some saggy tits, that doesn’t give you the right to tell wtf I need to do with fucking life clown.
I didn’t asked for dating advice, you got some girl that pity fucked you? Good for you 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼… I’m not you and I’ll never be, and probably for the better, fuck me if I wanna become anything like you.
Friend, you were the one who asked the question what it’s like. I’ve told you, and also explained how you can get from where you are to being in a relationship.
I can’t force you to seek help, but if in the future you ever feel like you’d like to chat, feel free to message me.
You don’t have to push everyone away, not everyone is out to hurt you. I hope you realise this before it’s too late.