I’m pushing half a century in an industry that is not kind to old guys. I try to fend it off but every now and then it hits me. I’m pretty sure this is not unique to my life experience, or it wouldn’t have a term :-)
Used to get it every time I read an article on the current state of climate change. The dread has kinda just shifted to acceptance. Short of some miracle-tier scientific breakthrough or like literal divine/extraterrestrial intervention, we’re just hard fucked and there isn’t jack we can do about it.
Kinda adopted the personality of this dude:
It comes in waves for me. I’ll feel fine for a few weeks, maybe a month or two, then I’ll be deep in the depths for days, weeks straight. Mostly at night, staring out my bedroom window, contemplating the horror of the abyss.
At least once a week. Sometimes almost daily.
Pretty much daily. I just want it to end
Ah it is 5:30, time for my evening existential crisis. I have to be sure not to go over again as I don’t want to miss my show.
Existential?
More like Exponential Dread.
Ayooo!
sobbing
Hey, it could be worse, you could be a kid whose whole world is in the midst of melting down before they’ve even had a chance to realize what life could’ve been like if not for the shitty decisions of the preceeding generations.
As I have gotten older, the frequency of episodes have decreased. In my early 40’s now. I would say it occurs at least once every 3-4 months as opposed to weekly in my teens.
At 50+, I get it almost daily. I never had it before. Not sure if its the state of the world we live in now, aging, or a combination of both. All I know is I’m glad I’m old and won’t be around to see some of the stuff I’m scared of.
Whenever I think of the future I get it bad. Disabled, poor, parents are my carers, couldn’t afford to live on my own even if I could. And every year the bushfires get bigger and closer to home. If I let it it constant dread would become my default state, but I am aware of this and try to focus on the now.
Not to say I don’t do my best to safe guard the future, have plans in place for if I ever need to navigate the things that scare me most. But I try not to dwell on it. Someday my parents will die, failing some sort of miracle I will end up in a care home without my pets. But I might also drop dead tomorrow in which case all my worrying will have been for nothing.
Right now at this very moment things are going ok and the number one thing that makes it not ok is worrying about a time in the future when its entirely not ok. But why meet it in the middle? I can’t change the rivers current, best I can do is try to steer on the odd occasion where the path splits.
No matter where you’re at just know Gotta get up in the river if you wanna catch the flow ❤️ Crossing The Threshold - Charlesthefirst
Always. I stopped caring. The world will burn, whatever. Who cares.
“Who cares” is main reason why I have existential dread. Other reasons are that I’m just shit at living life.
Same.
Its taking a long while to not still have moments of dread though.
World’s fucked and burning. Somehow that’s partisan.
Almost 15% of the population of my country thinks climate change is fake news.
Massive corruption in the highest levels of government, which no one can apparently do anything about.
Massive wealth inequality, American dream is dead.
No one can afford a house because of the wealth inequality and companies like blackrock buying them all…
Also, we are going over the tipping point for mass extinction.
Yeah we are totally fucked in every direction. Time to do some drugs about it I guess.
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I may be relatively young compared to other guys on this thread, but I’m also a victim of something like this. Recently I’m fighting with the company I’ve worked for over so tiny shit that it astonishes me, and terrifies because of consequences of incorrect actions from my side. I’ve understood years ago that I’m no one and will achieve nothing, so it hits less. This dread also comes in waves, as I was good for whole 3 months, and now to the same old shit. Sigh.
It depends on where it comes from. There is a defeatism that comes from my cynicism, but there is also the existential dread lying awake at night that I deal with as well.
I’m curious about what specifically it is stemming from? In your post you mention feeling aged out in an industry you have become extremely accustomed to. Do you feel like your value is very much driven by what you do? If you were to be aged out and eventually replaced do you feel like a large part of yourself would be missing?
In regards to how often I experience dread, it can be an every day thing. But it depends on what it comes from. There is the dread from feeling powerless to change my environment or culture I am in, but I have found personally that living to bring joy in the small things helps with that. If the dread is from questioning my purpose if there even is one, it’s the same line of thinking for me as before.
I have no clue if that provides any value but I hope you find peace amidst what you’re going through.
+1 Wisdom
What industry?
Software development
