author: Meg Adams
I feel terrible when stuff I buy says it was made with love. Do I deserve the love of someone who never even met me? Do I deserve love at all? That’s why I prefer eating food made by unfeeling machines.
Don’t feel bad, that’s why it was made with love!
Yes, you deserve the love I put into food, regardless if it’s Foie Gras, Vegan Lasagne or Tater friggin’ Tots…and also regardless if I’m 100% there or just going through the motions as an unfeeling machine.
I’m pretty sure Foie Gras is made with cruelty instead
Delicious cruelty.
I used to buy Starbucks every day at university and work, I switched to making my own coffee to save money and it just didn’t taste the same.
I tried every different ingredient I could think of, light roast, medium roast, dark, french, grind sizes.
At last, I gave up and said: “Fuck it, I HATE making coffee…” took a sip… there it was, that missing flavor.
It tastes the way it does, because it’s made with misery and spite!
And that’s how I found out that I was actually a demon. Thanks for listening to my story.
Cruelty is the secret ingredient.
“No, with soul-crushing depression.”
Just like mama used to make
Before “the accident.”
There was a Burger King near where I lived back in the 80’s where a guy got arrested for attempted murder. He was angry that he had tested positive for HIV back when it was thought to be a death sentence. So he started jizzing in the mayo to try and take everyone with him. I think variations of this eventually turned into an urban legend.
What the fuck
Yep. It was in the newspapers and it caused a huge panic.
I think the only way to get HIV is via intercourse or getting scratched with the infected person used needle/razor.
You are correct, but this is known now, not then. Back then people thought you could getting from just touching something someone with the virus had touched. Then it was thought that kissing was enough (the infamous Rock Hudson kiss in Dynasty). They were scary days. Think early on during the COVID lockdown when people started disinfecting their deliveries because we didn’t know how it was transmitted.
Ugh. Imagine the poor worker who had to clean that up…
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Sure, here’s the “love” it was made with:
No, 5% corn syrup.
Them: …uhh yes?
Me: Pushes it back I’m allergic
Wasn’t there this one time some Taco Belle employees made the taco sauce with love?
“…you guys might’ve wanted to stay away from our special sauce tonight. Me and Pookie, we added a secret ingredient…”
That’s enough of that love.
Would you like it to be? I can do The Mommy Experience but it’s $50 extra.
I like to cook and sometimes people call me “chef” and I always correct them.
“Cooks prepare food for people they love, chefs prepare food for people they hate”.
I also dislike the term chef, bc the professionalization of the gendered activity “cooking” makes is acceptable for a man to do, but my family isn’t ready for that conversation.
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Maybe he put his secret sauce on it.
