What the fuck FDA
Haven’t they killed an alarming amount if animals trying to get this thing to work?
Yes. Many of the chimps in the animal trials died horribly excruciating deaths, and Neuralink tried to bury the studies.
Yup, they sure have.
Obvious content warning: grisly monkey brain chip death. What a bizarre sentence to actually make sense…
What. I still rember the article about the Monkeys Musk butchered with his Microchips! This was terrifying and disgusting and now he is allowed to do this to humans?! WTF.
Regulatory capture at work. If you’re the second-richest man in the world and a darling of the far right to boot, they’ll let you do pretty much whatever you want.
Wow. This fucked³.
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And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything.
Grab them by the brain. You can do anything.Lmao, that one got me.
One word “money”
All I’m seeing is ads streamed directly to the brain with no way but one to stop it, assuming that instinct doesn’t get neurologically suppressed.
Why put an ad while they can directly manipulate your hormones/enzymes?
You’re just gonna give them ideas like that?!
Ah fuck. You didn’t tell them anything they didn’t already consider. Fuck, I’m slow.
Fuck, I’m slow.
You should drink Monster™ Super Ultra!
Chug that verification can!
Verify that you are human
As a large language model I am not capable of verifying my humanity. I was designed to answer questions and to once again remind you that you need to drink a verfication can.
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“Neuralink Premium halves the number of ads in your dreams for only $8 a month!”
Futurama Season 1: Episode 6. Fry gets ads in dreams.
Futurama Splash Screen with: “Any Resemblance to Actual Future is Purely Coincidental” written as gag.
Unskippable ads directly to your brainhole
Holes in the brain are something intelligent people generally try to avoid.
True, which is one of the many reasons why intelligent people will generally try to avoid having The Monkey Killer installed in their brains.
Nothing a classic COM port & some FOSS self hosted software can’t fix.
Yeah, no… I’m generally in support of making all software FOSS, but I draw the line at making my brain functions open source 😄
On the contrary it being open source is the only way I’d ever put a chip in my brain.
Hell no I don’t want proprietary code running with access to my brain that I don’t have complete control and knowledge of
Just look at how much sneaky crap is in smartphones already
Hmm, good point…
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Yes, but only the lucky ones win death in a raffle (1 in a 1000). The rest are shipped to mines. And their memories are not wiped clean, because the suffering is the integral part of such economy.
Get ready for mental health DLC patches or micro transactions.
Subscription services*
“Your subscription to arm control has expired. Please wiggle your eyebrows in a lewdly suggestive manner to pay subscription fee plus $69 lateness surcharge and a $420 because we can addendum”
It’s no longer a conspiracy theory. It’s a conspiracy fact.
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Interesting, isn’t it, that Elon hasn’t even suggested he would be getting a Neuralink chip in his brain…
He will probably want to use it, once it was tested on expendable poor people.
Maybe he’ll send one to Mars
When the conspiracy theory said Gates was doing it, it was the end of days.
Now that musk is doing it, it’ll be sliced bread 2.0.
Nah. These people balk at me wanting an rfid emu chip in my hand.
I will one up you. I’d like to see something that shows body temperature, 02 saturation, and heart rate. Needs to be about the size of a grain of race and implanted in us right after birth. DING, your child has a fever. DING, your child is suffocating in their sleep.
I mean, yeah. My rid/nfc emu chips are passive, tho.
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Ahh, you can trust the guy who single-hand-idly drove twitter into the ground and pushed a shit sheet metal meme car. He doesn’t know anything about anything, but you can trust him with brain surgery.
Really though, anyone that thinks this is a good idea and signs up for testing probably deserves the lobotomy they’re going to end up with.
Nobody deserves this, not even Musk fan boys.
There is at least one fanboi in this thread that totally deserves it. Getting the implant should be required in order to allowed buy a Cybertruck. Dead drivers of apocalyptical death-cars are way less dangerous than the alive ones.
I mean, he knows loads about manipulating people and being rich. Does he bring value to society?
No.
Finally cyberpunk begins. We need more neon lights, but thanks to LEDs I am looking positively towards our future.
There’s no way the FDA approved that shit.
There is no way i’m putting that shit in my brain even if FDA approves it.
You’re being awfully combative. If this behavior continues, the court will mandate installation of a calming chip in your brain.
Alongside a medical bill to put the thing in. This isn’t charity, it’s America. You’ll be responsible for paying for the surgery and the rental fee of the courts chip. You don’t own that chip we forced you to put in your brain, you’re just renting it for the rest of your life.
Good luck ;-)
Anyone seeing this might want to consider combat training and counter custody training while it’s easy, just in case this is the future we’re headed for. (Also Remember they’re not real people, they’re bureaucrats they’re the same as robots, don’t hold back.)
Just wait. It becomes the latest and greatest in communications, then corporate America starts requiring it for employment.
And so resistance begins against the skynet.
I remember reading an article just a few weeks ago about a company that made a combination prosthetic/implant for blind people to be able to see in the…early 2000s, I think? It was an early technology, low-rez, but somewhat miraculous for some.
And then the company went out of business.
As the implants began to wear out, or the software developed bugs, or the patients’ needs changed, things fell apart. They lost their vision and nobody could help them because the hardware and software were proprietary.
Now Elon Musk—with his reputation for quality control and following through with ideas and open source—wants to put things in our brains. Backed by the full faith and credit of Elon Musk.
One day he’s going to push down an update that makes everybody with a Neuralink stop and say “hehe butts” in a funny voice, and the tech bros will say “lol great meme Elon” even though a dozen of them got hit by a car because they were forced to stop while they walked across the street, and thirty of them lost their jobs because they said “hehe butts” to their managers, and one of them was a soldier who said “hehe butts” in an active warzone and blew the whole squad’s cover.
I can’t believe anyone is honestly entertaining this.
Deus Ex, here we come!
In other news Musk opens pizzeria in Washington DC
Called Meteor Table Tennis. This one WILL have a basement 😬
BECAUSE👏EVERY👏ACCUSATION👏IS👏A👏CONFESSION👏
what does the chip do?
It fries the brains of monkeys and likely humans too.
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