Yeah bro, how you spend your days is how you spend your life.
Clean and decorate your home. Develop a sense of style. Go out and do things and meet people. Challenge yourself to do something interesting every week. Talk to people, get out of your shell.
Sincerely, the first of her childhood friend group to get married
I think a similar way to say this is to always be trying new things and do self care. If you like a decorated house, decorate, but if you don’t, do a different form of self care.
For me, it’s more like:
go hiking - I don’t enjoy the journey, but i like the accomplishment of having done it
lift weights - again, I’m not looking to be big or whatever, but weight lifting is easy to measure progress
try new hobbies - not just video games, but drawing (completely failed), game dev (mlderate success), carpentry, juggling, uncycling, etc
eliminate clutter that doesn’t bring happiness and keep only stuff I value - I don’t like decorations, but I do like certain items than have sentimental value
Make your own list, and make sure to include things that challenge and stretch you, because there’s no joy like accomplishing something hard.
Decorating your home is more than self care, it’s an extension of personal style that applies to when you hsve friends and potential partners in your home.
I think using the term self care will really backfire with someone like oop, as it has a connotation of giving yourself a break, when my intentions were more to say that if you want a family or people in your life you need to live a life that fosters such things.
My definition of “self care” is taking time for yourself away from other obligations, like work, kids, etc. to do something that improves some aspect of yourself, like exercise, learning something new, preventative medical care, mental health, etc. It needs to have a specific goal and lead to some larger benefit than just enjoying yourself for an afternoon, otherwise it’s just “goofing off.”
For you, that seems to be decorating your home. You seem to value expressing yourself in that way to start conversations or just be around familiar surroundings. And that’s awesome!
I personally don’t find value in that, and having a spartan home is an expression of my personality as well. I may have a few things I find value in, but they’re usually utilitarian and not really decorations. I value my privacy, so the only people who know much about me are people I choose to share that with. I find value in minimalism, and having decorations and whatnot goes against that. So for me, self-care is eliminating stuff I don’t value, using the things I do, and pursuing longer term goals (exercise and whatnot).
Make sure that your form of self-care helps you achieve your goals. If that includes getting into a relationship, that self care should improve your chances to meet new people. Maybe that means updating your wardrobe, exercising and losing weight, of anything else that improves your self-image and confidence. Beyond that, you need to make time to actually meet new people. But maybe a relationship isn’t your goal, so your self care could look very different.
Self care should be part of your plan to reach your goals. If it’s not helping you reach your goals, it’s not self care and just a waste of time.
Clean and decorate your home. Develop a sense of style. Go out and do things and meet people. Challenge yourself to do something interesting every week. Talk to people, get out of your shell.
literally every single one of these things are things that i don’t like
decorating. i love no decoration, no bullshit, bare-bones approach
style. a way for fashion corporations to sell you a new t-shirt every week
just do thingsTM. an agenda to make the economy run hot. consume things. visit the zoo. be part of our great imperial society.
“Challenge yourself to do something interesting every week”. In other words, never just be happy with how things are.
get out of your shell. finally, the instruction to leave your natural living habitat and, again, contribute to our great imperial society.
Fair, I actually generally prefer a more minimalist approach, though I’ve found some art makes my home more inviting to myself and to guests. I prefer local art I pick up at community events, though making it yourself would be cool af
Nah, most of my clothes come from a thrift store or swap meets. It’s about understanding what looks good on you and aiming for that. Learning to alter your clothes would also help with this
There are non comsumptive things. Volunteer at food not bombs or a books to prisoners community. Get involved in your local leftist scene. Hit up a park you haven’t recently. Go for a hike.
If you aren’t happy with how you’re living your life yes. If you like where your life is and are comfortable with that having been how you lived it, see my first paragraph of my previous comment and ask yourself why you care what advice some lady on the internet gives
No, you lesrn to speak to people and make friends whether you want you contribute to our great imperial society or tear it down. Staying in all day alone isn’t a great act of rebellion it’s neutral sad.
If you stay at home all day, alone with bare walls and clothes that don’t express yourself or make you look good, never doing anything interesting or speaking to people, you finding friends and a partner as an adult are unlikely.
I don’t have a counter point. This is just a matter of opinion.
Buy fancy clothes from a yard sale or something. I like to get old time formal wear because it just looks well put together.
You can go out and do things without spending money. Have a walk in the park, go to the library.
I don’t know why you associate challenging yourself with not being satisfied. I think challenging myself is fun. It has the “put in the work, reap the rewards” kind of structure. I draw as a hobby, so I mostly challenge myself by trying to draw in unfamiliar art styles.
This is just kinda sad. You’re aware that having friends isn’t imperialist, right? Friends are a part of every human culture, imperialist or not. Humans are social creatures, and we are very dependent on social interaction. Talking to others is the main way we compare our thoughts and perception to reality–we get a second opinion.
If you really feel that way, I’m sorry to hear that. It can be really hard to try and function ethically in the modern world, so you have to put in some effort to find ethical ways to do things. I hope you get to a point in your life where you feel good about your situation and your role in the world.
i’m actually ok with my life overall and i do talk to other people; it’s just that i think that the quality of the interactions matters more than the quantity and so i also stay at home a lot :D
edit: but yeah i also actually want to go out more. i just seldomly seem to have the motivation to then actually do it. i’ve thought about volunteering at food banks, but they don’t seem to need/want my help. i’ve gone there like three times and each time they had a different reason for why i shouldn’t help them today so i just kinda never went there again.
Sounds like some defeatist bullshit. Playing games all day is no way to live.
Doing things is a way to be happy. I used to go out every week in my early 20’s, still do but not as constantly now that I’m in my 30’s. I love meeting people, making friends, falling in love, playing and seeing live music, working with my hands as an electrician, renovating my home, taking care of and loving my dog, traveling, exercising, biking. Hell I volunteered and planted trees with my city’s local government just because I was kinda bored the one summer. I’m engaged to the love of my life and my future and career is bright. I do all of this for my own fulfillment and for those that I love, the “contribute to society” stuff sounds like a 13 year old’s idea of the Joker. I don’t even have social media, unless you count lemmy I guess, so it’s not to “show off”
Style is more often than not just grooming yourself and looking presentable. Nobody is saying buy a t shirt every week.
“Never be happy with the situation” is also just a pessimistic viewpoint. If you put yourself in new and interesting situations, then you’ll be surprised how much fun or fulfillment or challenging mentally physically whatever they can be. If you don’t like it, then change it and don’t do it. Or don’t, and sit inside all day. It’s your life.
If you have a hobby… that hobby is legal, it causes no harm to others and it brings you enjoyment… and anyone… ANYONE… puts you down for it, berates you, mocks, makes out your enjoyment is purile, childish… that person is a wanker… plain and simple. They think they everyone else must live their life according to their standards, their idea of fun and anyone who doesn’t conform to their beliefs is a lesser person who deserves to be ridiculed.
Decorating. That’s fair and relatable. The only stuff on my walls are what I got from my dad over the years.
Style. If you wear clothes, you have a style. You don’t need to constantly buy new clothes to give a modicum of thought to how you present yourself.
Just do things. I don’t know where you live but the zoos around me are free. Walking through a park is also free and something. I went to a gamer meetup a couple months ago that was free. If you look for them, there are options that don’t involve spending money but can be rewarding.
Challenge yourself to do something. My challenge to my self each week is to write for 15 minutes. It’s great, gets my mind stretching a little thinking the new thoughts I’m putting to paper. Why would I stress about that the other 99% of the week? You can be happy with where you are while still wanting to better yourself.
Get out of your shell. I take it you don’t like the society you live in. Fair bet is there are ways you think it could be better. Do you think those changes will materialize while you sit at home? Get out and meet people. If they want you to do something imperialist tell them no, that’s against your values. If they stop talking to you get out of your shell to meet other people. If they keep talking to you then you’re one step closer to building a society you actually want to live in.
Yeah bro, how you spend your days is how you spend your life.
Clean and decorate your home. Develop a sense of style. Go out and do things and meet people. Challenge yourself to do something interesting every week. Talk to people, get out of your shell.
Sincerely, the first of her childhood friend group to get married
I think a similar way to say this is to always be trying new things and do self care. If you like a decorated house, decorate, but if you don’t, do a different form of self care.
For me, it’s more like:
Make your own list, and make sure to include things that challenge and stretch you, because there’s no joy like accomplishing something hard.
Decorating your home is more than self care, it’s an extension of personal style that applies to when you hsve friends and potential partners in your home.
I think using the term self care will really backfire with someone like oop, as it has a connotation of giving yourself a break, when my intentions were more to say that if you want a family or people in your life you need to live a life that fosters such things.
My definition of “self care” is taking time for yourself away from other obligations, like work, kids, etc. to do something that improves some aspect of yourself, like exercise, learning something new, preventative medical care, mental health, etc. It needs to have a specific goal and lead to some larger benefit than just enjoying yourself for an afternoon, otherwise it’s just “goofing off.”
For you, that seems to be decorating your home. You seem to value expressing yourself in that way to start conversations or just be around familiar surroundings. And that’s awesome!
I personally don’t find value in that, and having a spartan home is an expression of my personality as well. I may have a few things I find value in, but they’re usually utilitarian and not really decorations. I value my privacy, so the only people who know much about me are people I choose to share that with. I find value in minimalism, and having decorations and whatnot goes against that. So for me, self-care is eliminating stuff I don’t value, using the things I do, and pursuing longer term goals (exercise and whatnot).
Make sure that your form of self-care helps you achieve your goals. If that includes getting into a relationship, that self care should improve your chances to meet new people. Maybe that means updating your wardrobe, exercising and losing weight, of anything else that improves your self-image and confidence. Beyond that, you need to make time to actually meet new people. But maybe a relationship isn’t your goal, so your self care could look very different.
Self care should be part of your plan to reach your goals. If it’s not helping you reach your goals, it’s not self care and just a waste of time.
literally every single one of these things are things that i don’t like
If you stay at home all day, alone with bare walls and clothes that don’t express yourself or make you look good, never doing anything interesting or speaking to people, you finding friends and a partner as an adult are unlikely.
Counter points:
I don’t have a counter point. This is just a matter of opinion.
Buy fancy clothes from a yard sale or something. I like to get old time formal wear because it just looks well put together.
You can go out and do things without spending money. Have a walk in the park, go to the library.
I don’t know why you associate challenging yourself with not being satisfied. I think challenging myself is fun. It has the “put in the work, reap the rewards” kind of structure. I draw as a hobby, so I mostly challenge myself by trying to draw in unfamiliar art styles.
This is just kinda sad. You’re aware that having friends isn’t imperialist, right? Friends are a part of every human culture, imperialist or not. Humans are social creatures, and we are very dependent on social interaction. Talking to others is the main way we compare our thoughts and perception to reality–we get a second opinion.
If you really feel that way, I’m sorry to hear that. It can be really hard to try and function ethically in the modern world, so you have to put in some effort to find ethical ways to do things. I hope you get to a point in your life where you feel good about your situation and your role in the world.
Have a nice day.
What they’re describing sounds like depression imo
thanks for the kind words :)
i’m actually ok with my life overall and i do talk to other people; it’s just that i think that the quality of the interactions matters more than the quantity and so i also stay at home a lot :D
edit: but yeah i also actually want to go out more. i just seldomly seem to have the motivation to then actually do it. i’ve thought about volunteering at food banks, but they don’t seem to need/want my help. i’ve gone there like three times and each time they had a different reason for why i shouldn’t help them today so i just kinda never went there again.
Sounds like some defeatist bullshit. Playing games all day is no way to live.
Doing things is a way to be happy. I used to go out every week in my early 20’s, still do but not as constantly now that I’m in my 30’s. I love meeting people, making friends, falling in love, playing and seeing live music, working with my hands as an electrician, renovating my home, taking care of and loving my dog, traveling, exercising, biking. Hell I volunteered and planted trees with my city’s local government just because I was kinda bored the one summer. I’m engaged to the love of my life and my future and career is bright. I do all of this for my own fulfillment and for those that I love, the “contribute to society” stuff sounds like a 13 year old’s idea of the Joker. I don’t even have social media, unless you count lemmy I guess, so it’s not to “show off”
Style is more often than not just grooming yourself and looking presentable. Nobody is saying buy a t shirt every week.
“Never be happy with the situation” is also just a pessimistic viewpoint. If you put yourself in new and interesting situations, then you’ll be surprised how much fun or fulfillment or challenging mentally physically whatever they can be. If you don’t like it, then change it and don’t do it. Or don’t, and sit inside all day. It’s your life.
If you have a hobby… that hobby is legal, it causes no harm to others and it brings you enjoyment… and anyone… ANYONE… puts you down for it, berates you, mocks, makes out your enjoyment is purile, childish… that person is a wanker… plain and simple. They think they everyone else must live their life according to their standards, their idea of fun and anyone who doesn’t conform to their beliefs is a lesser person who deserves to be ridiculed.
There’s only 1 real rule in life.
Don’t be a wanker.
You should read some existentialist philosophy, man. L’Étranger seems like the book for you, my dude. Particularly, the bit about the guy and his dog.
oh i love that. i’ve already read so much of it, it’s exactly my type :)