Hi my fellow Lemmy users! It’s been a while since I used this platform and boy did I actually miss you all ❤️
It’s just that I’ve been more so focusing on myself in my career and in my own education. So I graduated back in June and man it sure does feel like a lifetime ago already. Settled in a good paying job and still trying to improve myself wherever I can.
This brings us to the question that I wanted to ask everyone here. As I’ve been very focused on academics and career stuff I never had the opportunity to date and I’ve been rejected very frequently (which is to be expected as a man tbh). I haven’t been able to lose weight and that I’m 25 years old.
I know that’s still pretty young but I still feel so behind on dating tbh. Is it still too late for me to find someone I want to be with after I’ve lost weight? Does losing weight help for men as it does for women? I’ve been trying to join meetups, volunteering (just to meet new people tbh) and really put myself out there. It’s just idk like all my friends are committed and I’m just floating around life whilst focusing on my career.
I’m 25 years old.
No. The answer is no. Unless you were exclusively looking to date leonardo dicaprio, 25 is not too old
2old4leo
Maybe I’m just in a good mood, but I saw that and about died. Thanks for the chortle and subsequent coughing fit.
I am 25
Lmao. That’s literally the age humans stop maturing.
You’re in your theoretical prime.
Now’s the time to make it happen if anything. You can be and do whatever you make of yourself.
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I haven’t been able to lose weight
You need to be honest with yourself here, everyone is able to lose weight (except a very small minority of people with severe mental and or health issues) and what you really mean to say is “I have not committed to losing weight”.
There is a huge difference between wanting a fit and healthy body and actually committing long term to the idea of consistently smaller portions.
And that is all it takes. You do not need to swap every meal for a shitty salad, you do not need need to run ten miles a day, you do not need to make weight loss your number one priority, you do not need the mental strength of the world’s strongest man, you do not need more time in the day or any other of the 101 excuses that overweight people use.
- weigh yourself
- consistently eat less
- weigh yourself again after a few weeks/months
- adjust the amount you eat further if necessary
- repeat steps three and four
If you consume less calories than you burn, then you can lose weight on a diet of pizza and sitting on the couch all day.
I know what I’ve said here will come across as harsh, but it’s all absolutely true and I hope that you lose your unwanted weight, it really will help your dating prospects and it will make you feel better about yourself too!
Amen to this. OP if you focused on career and income by this point maybe you have some spare money to use on a personal fitness coach. They will help guide and motivate you which long term should help with all manner of issues you might be dealing with, from mental to health. Good luck. You can do it!
I second this. Getting a source of external motivation like a coach is great for achieving a goal like this. Especially as they would no doubt have techniques to make the journey easier.
No you’re fine, I appreciate what you’re trying to tell me and I definitely will try to follow what you’ve said. I’m curious though as how would you try to watch your diet? I have a really really bad food control cause food has been my stress reliever and how can one be consistent in having smaller portions? Like for me, I tried to really eat a smaller portion but its just that I end eating bigger portions because idk I feel depressed and I’d just be thinking of the food more than the goals I’d like to achieve if that makes sense
There’s not a one size fits all solution.
The first thing to do is cut down on snacks and sugary drinks if you have them. Refined sugars should be the easiest thing to cut out and will make a huge impact.
If you’re already doing that then it’s time to start controlling your portions. It will take some will power! I have noticed personally that I may still feel like I could eat more at the end of a meal but that if I wait ten of fifteen minutes then I feel absolutely fine. So focus on eating untill you’re not hungry rather than eating until you feel full.
Some people endorse a 5/2 diet, where they will eat normally on five days of the week and then have a very restricted diet on two days (about 300-500 calories). This will recalibrate your feeling of hunger massively, most people in the western world have never experienced real hunger. You may find that what you thought was hunger was very different to actual hunger.
I also recommend replacing your excess eating with something else. All bad habits usually need something to replace them. Whether that is drinking water or learning a new skill or reading a book or doing some exercise. Don’t just sit there and suffer, fill that time with something.
The one advice I can give you is, women are closer to men than you may think. Whatever you find interesting, there’s someone out there who would think so too. Whatever disgusts you, probably disgusts women too. IMO, dating advice that includes phrases such as “as a man” are misleading, because they imply that women are fundamentally different and must be treated differently.
Treat them as you would a friend, rather than something to be won, and you’ll find that people will be more receptive. 25 years old is still plenty young
Yeah, I see what you’re saying. Its just that the reason why I’ve said as a man is because both men and women live their lives so differently like in terms of dating (I am generalizing here and I could be wrong), women tend to get approached often by men so they sometimes don’t have to do much except for filtering out the men who just want sex versus the one who they want long-term wise. For men, they tend to have to make the first approach often in order for them to get noticed.
I’m saying this generally and yeah its just this is also just me I do think of women as friends first cause I want to also so see how whether or not our values align together or not. Women are people too I realize that, its just hard when a lot of other men are doing the same thing and its hard not to feel behind in this rat race lol even tho it isn’t but sometimes it feels like it when there is someone you’re interested in and they like someone else or that they’re not looking to date or anything. Sorry for the rambling its just I’m frustrated with it and if I feel like I stop looking for someone, no one is going to come to me if that makes sense and I’m just you know alone with my thoughts.
You don’t need to be thin to date. I’ve been a fat man my whole life, introverted and introspective, spent most of my life alone.
My first relationship wasn’t until about your age. I married her because I thought I’d always be alone otherwise. It was a mistake and I was wrong.
Took a long time to figure myself out, only had two other real relationships and a few nonstarters, then met my wife when I was almost 40.
I’m still fat. So what?
If the question is “am I too old to X?” where X is not some kind of major official sporting achievement or something limited only to children, the answer is no.
Honestly it sounds like you’re in a pretty good place to me. Educated, good job, actively social, these are all attractive things! But the fact that you asked this question in the first place suggests confidence is still lacking a bit (which makes sense, you are as other commenters have said still very young). One thing that does help with confidence is losing weight and feeling like you look good, so in that respect it probably would help. But it’s not like heavier people are all single, if you click with someone you click. And by putting yourself out there you’re already giving yourself the best chance of that happening.
Thanks for saying that, I appreciate you highlighting the positives of me. You’re right when it comes to confidence, its just that I do hard things that people don’t do because its just I wanted to prove that I am worthy for love and relationships. I do try to work on my confidence my trying to validate myself internally (that’s why I have like positive affirmations notes with me all times and Marcus Aurelius famous quote of you having power over your mind).
Its still a work in progress but its just I crave for love so much and honestly this is something I just can’t help but blame my own weight because women tend to like slimmer men even if there are women who like chubbier or even don’t care about your weight. But the reality has been in my experience been that they do prefer men who are athletic or at least who look good but when you’re not that its been a vicious cycle for me where to cope for rejection I’d just turn to eating more as a coping mechanism or a stress reliever. I do hope that women are more open minded and I do hope I am wrong about that. Again, thanks for your comment I appreciate you saying that.
There is a lot of great advice in this thread, but I just want to post a quote that I like the meaning. ‘Women are not a objective, they’re a consequence’. So invest in yourself, like so many others have said, and get out there and something will happen.
You’re good dude, I only started dating this year and I’m well into my 30s. It’s never too late
Thanks man, I appreciate you saying that.
As far as losing weight goes, the importance of that will really depend on the type of person you want to date. If you’re only attracted to people who put a lot of effort into their fitness and appearance, you’ll have to do the same. If that’s not as important to you though, there are definitely options out there. Online dating might be rough, but being kind, respectful, comfortable in who you are, and open minded will take you a long way.
I agree in many ways, though I’d say go find a hobby or hangout where you can meet new people. Not a bar unless you drink often and want to keep doing so. A hobby that interests you will find you people who find what you find interesting, interesting.
I started dating at age 30, met my wife when I was 35 and we’re still married now 8 years later. My father-in-law met his girlfriend when he was 50 and they’re still together now 15 years later.
I met my current girlfriend in my mid 30s. It’s not too late.
One of my coworkers struggles with this too, but maybe for different reasons.
My coworker projects that he just wants a long term relationship. That’s fine and dandy on the surface, but hear me out for a second. Would you rather date someone who loves you specifically, or someone who just wants to be in a relationship? Would you rather be with someone who finds you amazing, or someone who is only dating you because other people their age are dating?
This can also cause the person you’re interested in to be concerned about whether you are who you say you are. It may cause them to question if you did really fall for them, or if you’re playing the part to avoid being single. People who have experienced that will be more cautious dating anyone who just wants to be with someone.
I’m not saying that’s the case for you, but I’ve seen it happen a lot. I think that’s also a part of what people mean when they tell you to focus on building yourself up, and to let love happen when it happens. Don’t be like my coworker.
You are still very young, and you have a lifetime ahead of you. Don’t count yourself out yet.
If that’s the case then that makes sense. Its just that if I stop going out there, I said in my other comment that no one will come to be or I’m just you know alone but not in a good way. There is nothing wrong with being alone but for me its that my family is really forcing me to get married to someone they like and things I value are very different from what the girl my family wants me to marry. I know its fucked up but here we are.
my friend, I grew up in a religious cult and did not date until my mid 20s. Had sex for first time at age 24.
I’m doing fine now. If I can do it, so can anyone!
Here is a shitty little secret: as long as you are clean and look clean your physical appearance isn’t the problem.
You either haven’t had time to interact with enough people to find someone compatible, you dont know how to treat the people you’re interested in dating like they’re normal people, or you don’t have the spaces to meet people in.
For me its the latter cause its hard to find like-minded people and to keep it going. Life is already hard for a lotta people so friendships suffer so does dating as well cause that’s the easiest as people would let it take the backseat.
I met my wife at 28. When you do find someone, remember to try to separate whether you love being in a relationship from whether you love them.
The sooner you let the wrong ones go, the more time you have to find the right one.
Good luck!
