Try writting ‘Deceased’ on it and return it. At the very least it’ll give any human who sees it a momentary pause, and maybe they’ll take it more seriously.

“OK, you caught me. I get to keep the egg though, right?”

This whole thread has been a hoot, but your comment properly sent me into fits of giggling. I can picture the nice old lady perfectly.

Tickle the belly, that can’t possibly go poorly.

More. Nukes.

Failing that we use those roboroaches they developed a while back to lead the other roaches to live in the crater. They can have that bit. The inevitable plague of supersized mutant cockroaches we’d suffer in a few generations is a problem for later.

We can try your idea after the whole area is a glowing crater. I’m sure it’ll work out juuuust fine that way. The first rule of scifi nuke vs. parasite club is: you don’t listen to the advisor counselling caution.

I’m sorry, but this really is a ‘nuke the entire site from orbit’ situation. The loss of the southern US and Central America will, of course, be mourned as a terrible loss, but it’ll be worth it to make sure those things are dealt with. Permanently.

The fixed eye contact makes me think the cat is sending a message, “I require snacks, or else”.

We fix it with rockets. Circularize the orbit and set it to an integer number of days that’s divisible by 28.

That only gives you 364 daya per year and we need just fractionally less than 365.25. You end up needing an extra day every year, and if we want to keep midnight in the middle of the night, and extra full day every four years (except when we don’t). Adding those sorts of bodges onto an otherwise elegant system would be awful to work with.

Instead, I propose we build giant rocket engines pointing straight up on the equator, and adjust the Earth’s orbit until one orbit around the sun takes exactly 364 days.

Terrified, confused and has no idea who the human is, but will definitely take that cuddle thankyouverymuch.

Great now! I’m in jail!

Punctuation is important? (maybe)
Punctuation is. Important! (certainly)
Punctuation: is important. (note to self)
Punctuation is “import ant” (what?)

Also, that shop that sells completely random stuff (chandeliers, dolls, weird statues, horrible carpets and so much more junk), never seen it open but have been there for like at least 30 years.

We had one of those. It turns out it was owned by a rental agent, and he just used it to store the random stuff he’d use to furnish appartments with to rent out.

Oh God, is everyone looking at me weird when I drink soda wrong?

If you’re not holding it in the crook of your elbow, lifting your arm, and pouring it onto your outstretched tongue, then at least one of us is doing it wrong, and I think it’s you, and everyone is silently judging you for your weird way of drinking. They don’t drink with their elbows probably because they don’t want to embarass you.

Hey, I didn’t get banned (yet), I just prefer the vibe here.

I knew there was such a thing as slicing your shot in golf, I didn’t know it meant that!

It’d be pretty trivial to do the same here, 1700 or so comments over ‘several months’, is less than 25 a day. No need even for bot posting, have the LLM ingest the feed, spit out the posts and have the intern make accounts and post them.

“I am mighty hunter! I kill it! I kill it with my teefs!”

Steady on Satan, they’re only a credit card company! They’re bad, but not that bad!