If you’re not part of the group, then don’t use it. I’d say maybe the only exception is “queer”. I’m fine with people using queer to describe their friends and family who are queer. Not everyone is OK with it though, but it’s pretty common. With queer, don’t use it unless the person you’re talking to self identifies as queer.
So don’t act like that? Either way, it’s no excuse for being a perv.
Reminds me of an early application of AI where scientists were training an AI to tell the difference between a wolf and a dog. It got really good at it in the training data, but it wasn’t working correctly in actual application. So they got the AI to give them a heatmap of which pixels it was using more than any other to determine if a canine is a dog or a wolf and they discovered that the AI wasn’t even looking at the animal, it was looking at the surrounding environment. If there was snow on the ground, it said “wolf”, otherwise it said “dog”.
Surprisingly this one actually didn’t lead to someone being fired because the person was never found, but when I was a teenager I worked at a local retailer in Canada called Canadian Tire. The manager called everyone into the employee washrooms to show us that someone had scrawled “CT sucks” in human feces – presumably their own – on the inside of a toilet stall.