Pretty sure the best setup is a portable laptop with internet coming from a cellular tablet/modem that you can disconnect the battery of.
You mention lying in bed, but that’s easily solved by a lightweight laptop. Wireless mouse that works on your sheets. They have small gaming laptops even, for when you need more power. Anything more powerful and you could just build a server and lock it down unless you have a hardware security key plugged in.
But you have heard of me!