Libb

They could have made a (second) fortune selling vaseline, or some water-based lubricant, to their customers.

The less ‘digital services’ in my life, the better.

edit: forgot a word :p

Congrats, and a warm welcome to the FOMO-less club and to the omfg-had-no-idea-I-had-so-much-time-to-do-stuff club ;)

Imho, the most important tool/help anyone can get is to find other but as exciting stuff to do then to stare a the screen (phone or otherwise). For me, it was taking long walks (it also helped a lot put me back into batter physical shape), hobbies (like painting, scale models, music,…), or activities one enjoys and that don’t require the use of a screen. Cooking, writing, sketching, DIY, craft,…

The second most important tool would be to not hate yourself if/when you will fail. Try not to fail, obviously, but when it happens instead of hate and shame and anger (any impression this could be based on personal experience would be a pure 100% coincidence, this goes without saying) try to understand how and why you failed. So, you will be better prepared next time.

Edit like you mentioned, the support of your SO is a huge help too. My spouse was amazing in helping me get over my own addictions (not phone related, but addictions nonetheless).

What follow is only suggestions based on my personal experience I want to share with you. Take whatever you might find helpful and safely ignore the rest.

I gotta move out first but like I said I already tried and failed

Failing is normal. I mean, it’s impossible to do anything difficult without first failing at it. Multiple times.

Failing is how we all learned to walk, by falling over and over again on our padded butt as a toddler. That’s how we learned to write too, by tracing clumsy letters that looked nothing like letters, and after that by making many, many mistakes when we learned grammar and spelling.

That’s how we learn… anything. From wiping our ass clean to being a partner in love, from ironing a shirt to not feel like a failure when things don’t go as expected.

It’s like being paralyzed by the fear of life.

Alas, it looks to me like kids aren’t taught to face failure anymore. Quite the opposite it’s like they’re being taught that things should be quick and that failing is a shame. It’s neither.

Hence so many of them being afraid to try stuff, and to take risks.

Normally I have lots of hobbies (…) I partly did all that when I wasn’t living with my parents.

Imho you need to get back into some hobbies, no matter what they are, quick. You need short term objectives and hobbies are excellent for that.

Is there anything I can do?

Get out of their house and away from them.

Long-term, this means getting a place of your own. But that’s long term and it will require a lot of work. So I would not focus my energy on that for the moment.

Much shorter term, you need to be out of the house, away from your parents, as often as you can, and to do it as quickly as you can. And for that you need nothing but your willingness to experiment various activities so you can find ones you enjoy doing outside.

You like jogging? Set your alarm clock an hours earlier, get up, shower, take a light breakfast and go out jogging. Come back. Do whatever you would usually do and then go out again, later the same day, to jog more. Do it like that every day for a week or two. And see how you feel.

If you fail jogging a day, that’s fine. Use that as an opportunity to better understand the reason you failed so it won’t happen for the same reason again. Be honest with yourself: like when I decided to lose weight it only started working the day I stopped lying to myself.

You find it boring to jog every single day? OK, give yourself some interesting destination. Go to the public library, go watch a movie, go to an expo, in a park…

But currently my state is paralyzing me and preventing me from doing any of that.

You really need to find stuff to do outside of your parent’s home.

If you feel like you can’t go out because of your depression, it may help to focus on smaller/shorter-term objectives. These smaller objectives will help you feel better (but you will still fail don’t forget it, and that’s OK) and they will also help you get out of the house and reach you longer-term objectives. The more you manage to spend time out doing things you enjoy, the better you will feel (for me that would be going out for long walks, but that’s just me)

As a kid (I’m talking 8-10 year-old kid, I’m now 50+), I had a less than ideal relation with my parents, to put it mildly. I quickly realized it was less painful to live inside books and… in the outside world. So, when I was not reading some book, I used to go out all day long, and soon after that during evenings too. First, I would go to the public library to read more books but then, I started going out carrying my little toy film camera, randomly roaming the streets. I explored the whole city with nothing but that little camera and my shy 9 year-old smile and an absolute lack of worries about going to odd places and talking to perfect strangers (it could not be worse than at home). Also, back then kids were not raised to be as paranoid as today, and I can say that most of those strangers were OK-ish. What mattered to me was that I was away from home. I could breath and I was allowed to be… the real me, unlike at home. Also, even though I had my fair share of issues too, I was spending a lot of my time with people that helped me feel better. That was so much better than ruminating in my room.

(Incidentally, going out and snapping pictures it also helped me developed my photographic skills and pushed me to quickly learn how to earn money to… pay for more film, and a better camera)

The thing is that no matter how great it felt and how badly I wanted to keep doing that, I still screwed up things more than a few time and I failed people even more often. Sometimes, it was a real mess. If I told you how badly I screwed my first paid photographic gig! I was not 12 and I was supposed to help a photographer shoot a small local band concert. I was so proud! That was some 40+ years ago but I still vividly recall the shame and anger toward myself when the guy realized all the films were ruined because of clueless me. Of all the rolls, a single one was salvaged… the one I did not touch. That day, I also learned things that would help me for all my life… and to accept that I was not the best, even when I wanted it very much ;)

Sorry, it was long. Hopefully you may find something of use in all that.

I never felt the need to compare myself to others. aka, I’m competing with no one but myself.

I consider that a huge advantage, but who knows maybe I’m wrong.

Were there proprietary predecessor websites?

There were and still are publicly owned (or semi-privately, depends were you’re looking). They were called (public) libraries.
They were great back then (as a kid, as a student and as an adult) and they’re still great nowadays, just less… popular, alas.

I would start by looking in public libraries, shops, and by asking. Edit: most libraries will organize (or relay) various events, or they might know someone who does.

Without knowing what you’re looking for it’s difficult but let’s say you like to play chess like I do. The first think I did when arriving where I live is visit a chess shop and ask questions. The guy gave me a couple addresses, I went there and met people there, who helped meet other people and so on.

Edit: I would also check local newspapers and bulletin-boards.

I use mine as a way to keep track of events around me (no politics or earth shattering stuff, just daily & intimate stuff), things I want to be able to remember. And to help me put a semblance of order in my the mess I call my thoughts. Also as… a sketchbook which I find fun and relaxing to do even though I’m no artist.

My main suggestion would be to make it fun and exciting. The more it is, the more likely it will become a habit you will enjoy keeping.

Oh, I’m 50+ and I’ve been journaling for almost 50 years, if that makes any difference.

BTW, I very recently decided to try to ‘revitalize’ the [email protected] community. Here is two posts that may interest you: How do you actually start journaling? and How do you guys make short journal entries?

I hope you won’t mind that shameless plug but I thought it might interest you to know about that community. So, if you ever feel like joining and participating, do not hesitate. For the moment, people have been commenting below my posts, which is already a nice (and huge) change, but I would love to see more people posting new content. And if that’s something that worries you, there is no such thing as a stupid question ;)

Tried for an entire year to make it work, but every hike in those boots was miserable.

Those kind of shoes do need some time to become comfortable to wear but a year? That’s a long time, and showing a lot of patience. Hope they did not end-up hurting you.

Felt like having lead feet.

I know that feeling too. I had a painful experience with a pair a heavy duty hiking shoes similar to yours, once. After 2 weeks trying and failing to make them remotely comfortable/usable I ended up contacting the maker describing my issue as best as I could, we exchanged a little and they sent me a model a tad wider and half a size longer, that settled it for me. That said, like yours, they were heavy and stiff shoes and they remained so, but they also have done their job quite well every time I have needed them.

Also, one important thing to consider, at least for me, is the insoles one can put in their shoes. A few years ago, because of some health issue, I had to wear custom made orthopedic insoles. I was very skeptical at first but that was such a game changer, and so rapidly, my endurance skyrocketed. They’re not cheap and it take me a week or so to have a new pair made, but I would not want to wear any shoes without them.

May I ask why was it a waste?

I mean was it 300€ spend on some fashion/designer brand that was nothing but a bad pair of shoes with a fancy name and price tag on it? Or were they a reputed brand, and had you any specific issue with the shoes themselves? If so, did you try to contact them to fix it? The brand I most often wear has a good customer support (and a fine return policy, if you would rather buy online)

Edit: like suggested in the other reply to your comment: the idea was to say that, all things being equal, spending money on a good (and, obviously, working) pair of shoes is a good idea.

Since most people would be too happy to be (very) rich themselves, I doubt that will ever happen. Or only if we were to live in a “eat the other than me rich” society? ;)

Like you my first reaction would have been to say books but, yeah, it’s not like there is no useless crap on my bookshelves either ;)

I think a good pair of shoes, for long walks, would be my choice.

Once again, it may be clearer if you defined what you consider a ‘habit’ because, as far as I know, a habit can very well be defined as ‘simply doing thing’.

I have the feeling you did not get that my remark was not made to troll you. Sorry if that was not clear it was a real remark.

A habit may be a lot of things, from the most basic ‘something usual that you do without thinking much about it’—ie, I wash my teeth after each meal and floss at least once a day, in the evening, or I will do the washes on the WE: I don’t invest a lot of brain power in those tasks. But it may also be a more or less complex ritual—I will say ‘hello’ to anyone that says hello to me, or I may go to church every single Sunday and wear a certain type of suit to do so (I don’t go to church, it’s just an exemple). And anything in between, and beyond that.

And that’s not even considering, say, the evolutionist/zoologist point of view. Sorry, I do not the English word: a dude that would study the behavior of some types of animals (yeah, I know you said ‘people’ but people are animals too (we’re mammals), and that may be an error to think our human habits are that different from, say, the migrating habits of some birds or the art of singing and dancing of other birds when they’re mating, or the fact that a cat could meow mostly for humans, or the way fishes can move very differently when faced with either a potential mate or a foe… like most of us humans would do ;)

What’s the purpose of that habit within that determined group of individuals, and why does it completely differ from that other group of individual from a very similar species? I mean, a very similar (similar enough to be misunderstood) habit/move may very well mean ‘let’s make love’ in one species of birds while meaning ‘I will kick your sorry ass if you don’t fly away’ in another.

I don’t think ‘making an efficient worker’ is key in many of those. That said, efficiency, may still be key just with a very different purpose. Say, simplifying communication between members of one groupe (or with rival groups) and by simplifying it, aka making it a habit with automated gestures, highly reducing the risk of any misunderstanding. Therefore making it crystal clear that there some danger, ir that one is ready to fight to protect their nest while that other is ready to f. Efficiency, with another target.

To get back to those animals you’re more interested in: have you ever wondered why it’s considered polite (aka, a good habit) to say hello to someone? It sounds silly, but it’s real fascinating once you start thinking about it. Like, really. Even more interesting: why here in some regions of France (and elsewhere in the world too), it’s considered natural for two men to say hello kissing one another on the cheek while one would better stick to shaking hands in other regions of France (and in many others countries)? In both cases, it’s considered a good habit, and still they would not be read the same at all.

Hope this lengthy reply makes it clearer I was serious when I suggested to define ‘habit’.

Edit: typos.

Depends how you define habit.

I mean, animals too may have habits (and rituals as well) but they’re not ‘trying to make a productive worker’. They’re just trying to eat, to defend, to seduce/mate, to raise youngsters,…

They need to regularly take a shit, like everybody else. They just use more expensive toilet paper I suppose.

Thank you :)

It doesn’t need to be much, a 20 minute walk each day is way better than none at all.

Exactly, I could see the effect on me (body and mind…soul?) very quickly, and back then I walked not much at all :)

If more of us were doing that, the world would most certainly be a much, much less shittier place than it is!

Walking. Long daily walks.

It changed (& helped save) my life.

Edit (to give some context):
When I started to walk, I was barely able to walk at all. Like, really, a few steps to get to the mailbox would kill me and have me lay on bed for hours. I was in a really bad, bad shape (in the head too). Nowadays, I will walk 8-10km every single day and, added to that, I will go everywhere walking if at all possible. I’m still not an athlete but at the least my body is not a dead weight anymore (I feel better in the head too). And it all changed the day I decided I would simply walk a little more. A few steps at first, and then more, and then more. I was impressed by the huge impact of a seemingly little change. I celebrated each ‘win’ (the first time I walked the block, the first kilometer, and so on) and I never blamed myself for the (many) fails. Instead, I tried to analyze the reasons why I failed so I could do better next time.

A lot less than 1% of mine is Star Trek related. I’m not even even sure I’ve seen enough Star Trek content for it to register as a meaningful fraction of a %.

So, yeah I would think that:

is it just a side effect of the particular communities I’m in

Like discussed in another very recent topic related to porn, it’s great to be able to easily filter-out whatever one does not wish to see.

Thx!

I edited the links. To non-expert me the way links work is still… unfamiliar ;)