Say hypothetically I’ve already shot my shot and was shot down, how would I go about getting over this (without rebounding to other people or whatever)?

Edit: Thanks everyone, for all the comments, support, and advice! Majority rules a tie between time and distractions lol. Seriously though thanks y’all

  • z3rOR0ne@lemmy.ml
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    4 months ago

    Let yourself feel whatever you feel and observe it. Think about how you would react if you saw a close friend or family member going through that. Most kind people would say something comforting or express some form of compassion.

    The most important thing to remember is that there will be lots of good and bad things that happen in life, and holding on/ruminating over the past and obsessing over/fearing the future are probably best avoided.

    A little reflection and self compassion is good and healthy, but long term rumination and self loathing is when things can get unhealthy quick. Discerning when one turns into the other is difficult, but do your best and try to be self aware of how you’re feeling as you navigate these truly difficult emotions.

    Know that this experience, the emotions and the thoughts caught up in it, are part of what makes you human, and that ultimately, it’s one of many experiences that will add up to who you are and who you’ll eventually become. In every moment, you are, whether consciously or subconsciously, engaging with the world and the circumstances you find yourself in, and becoming who you want/need to be.

    Be aware of that, and control what you are capable of controlling about who you want to become. It’s like navigating a river, you’re not completely in control nor out of control. Ultimately all you can do is try your best to get to where you want to go, knowing it won’t be perfect nor will it go exactly to plan, but nevertheless you carry on.

  • Jimmycrackcrack@lemmy.ml
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    4 months ago

    In general, we just… do. What that looks like is going to be different for everyone and how you get there will be unique to you, but even without trying you almost certainly just will… get over it. Necessity if nothing else will help with that. You’ve still got to feed yourself, maintain your friendships and any other relationships you have, pay your bills, advance your goals and carry on. Life doesn’t typically care very much that you’d really rather just put it on hold and ruminate for a while.

    I guess that doesn’t sound very helpful but time has a way of doing the getting over for us. Sometimes you need more of it, depending on the source and magnitude of your pain, but eventually enough time is all you need.

    To put it in perspective, if you’ve ever experienced this before, the previous crush likely doesn’t feature too loudly on your radar right now and yet they might have been your whole world at one stage. If this is the first time you’ve been through this, it probably won’t be your last and there are probably similarly painful experiences in your past that seemed very important to you when they were fresh that are all but forgotten now. Try to remember that you walked that passage from all consuming fixation, to just a memory before and you can walk it again.

    On a more practical level it probably would help things go faster if you could avoid too much contact with the person for a while so you don’t have to keep raking over the unpleasant emotions associated with the rejection and don’t have to keep fighting the urge to try your luck again when reminded of how much you like them, but then again often work or school or other environments can force you to have to see someone repeatedly even after there’s awkwardness between the two of you. In that scenario, well, to repeat the initially glib and unhelpful sounding advice, it’ll just happen with time, even when it feels like it won’t, don’t worry - you will get over this.

    • captainskipper@lemmy.ml
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      4 months ago

      Absolutely. You should go ahead and find out any little detail. It’s best to follow them around so you don’t miss anything.

      To get over them, of course.

      • Call me Lenny/Leni@lemm.ee
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        4 months ago

        Non-intrusively at least. I didn’t mean it like “pry into them” or anything. But it’s safe to say that feeling a certain way about absolutely everything about someone is so unlikely that being too drawn to someone is most likely a sign of the other person’s shallowness, whether that’s intentional or not.

  • weeeeum@lemmy.world
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    4 months ago

    Imagine if she did say yes. Then imagine your lives together, getting married etc. then imagine your biggest argument, lies, cheating, divorce, losing custody of your children and then ending up as a drunk on the streets, with no purpose in life, waiting to die.

  • InputZero@lemmy.ml
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    4 months ago

    Time and distance are really the only things I’ve found that work. It really sucks to be rejected, but you are deserving of love and respect. On the bright side, you have the opportunity to put all that time and energy you put into your crush into yourself. Do something nice for yourself, you deserve it.

  • friend_of_satan@lemmy.world
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    4 months ago

    There’s nothing wrong with rebounding, as long as you recognize that’s what you’re doing. Have a fling, just try not to break any hearts. Let them know you’re just having fun and aren’t ready for something serious.

    But to your first question, distract yourself with as many interesting things as you can. People, games, movies, sports, work, hobbies. Find the next exciting thing. Basically, continue thriving after the adversity of rejection.

  • iAmTheTot@sh.itjust.works
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    4 months ago

    Time. Try to focus on hobbies or other things you enjoy, try to surround yourself with positive influences, and let time do the work.

  • Altomes@lemm.ee
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    4 months ago

    I think that doing some soul searching and determining if the friendship you have with the person is something you can continue healthily is a big thing a lot of people don’t do. Then just taking time and distracting yourself with other positive interests that help you feel good about yourself so you don’t do the why aren’t I good enough spiral. Other than that just making sure you don’t continue to push the issue or guilt the person for not wanting a romantic relationship

  • NONE@lemmy.world
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    4 months ago

    A good hobby does wonders to keep you distracted enough to have the time to heal and move forward. If it’s something creative (Painting, writing, dancing, singing, playing an instrument, creating a map for Doom) is better. Work on yourself, Eat what you like, listen to what you like, dress as you like, keep yourself clean, and keep in mind that is not your fault, there’s nothing wrong with you and things just happens, that’s all.

  • TheBigBrother@lemmy.world
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    4 months ago

    Gym(exercise, walk), reading(knowledge) and meditation, and never ever have contact with he/she again(no friends or whatever).