Parents threw me in a class when I was 5. Scared shitless, screaming bloody murder, all that.

And I did indeed save my own life. And I was swimming with a certified lifeguard. Read on…

19, second year of college, fucking around with my neighbor, who I got to fuck, because I lived.

Perfectly still pond, nothing crazy. We were a bit drunk but had our wits about us. For some reason, I lost it. No idea what happened.

Went down like a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Literally. Hand sinking for the third time.

(At this point, I would recommend you all watch a video of what drowning looks like. It probably ain’t what you think. You might save someone’s life.)

Thought, “Figure this out or die. This very second.”

Remembered my lessons on floating, got my lips above water and took a sip of air. Stopped fighting, floated back up, did it again. After 3 or 4 tries, I had enough air to calm down, lay on my back and breathe. Just dandy after that. Went home, got laid, and here I am typing this dumb comment 30+ years later.

Learn to swim no matter if it scares you or not.