Father for 12 years here, never have I ever said anything even remotely close of this sort to any my non kids / single friends, is it an American thing?
When the kids are infants, the parents are sleep deprived and miserable at times, we they get such a seretonin boost from the baby factor so they don’t kill them (yay evolution). They advocate for others to have kids because it feels so great.
When they hit their slightly difficult years, that seretonin boost starts to drop, work/life balance becomes harder, financial hardship starts to hit as they need to feed them more and provide them outside activities. They still take pride in their kids, but need to tell everyone how awesome it is, but they especially need to tell themselves.
When they hit their teens, they’re now providing adult prices for things. Cars, Insurance. There’s little money left and little disillusion. If they had the kids late in life, their earning potential will end up dropping just as the kids leave home making bucket list plans harder to reach.
It’s worse in the US because we have shitty work/life balance and almost total lack of public transportation / affordable heathcare.
The childless fare better and live more comfortably.
American father here. Not as far as I know. I tell folks don’t have kids unless you’re 100% sure. Even then, get a pet first. I love my kid. But boy, do I sure believe folks should get all sorts of tests before they decide now.
Kids are hard man, especially if you didn’t have a good example growing up.
I hear you man, I was just always curious how often actually the issue comes up in a normal chill time with friends or even in a normal conversation with coworkers, unless people ask me specifically for advice, or ask about my kids, it’s not something that just comes up naturally…I’m here aren’t I? Trying to enjoy my time with you, nothing more, If I wanted to air out my frustrations, there’s definitely a time and a place
it helps to be enslaved to a system that forces you to spend an average of 8 hours a day working only to be classified as part time while getting no health benefits whatsoever despite there being essentially no government healthcare
*I’m including excessive commute and non-paid work as “working”
I’ve heard similar from people, usually the “you’ll change your mind when you find the right person”. I am from the US.
The worst was a conversation I had with coworkers. I mentioned I didn’t want kids because it would be really hard on my body to be pregnant after a near fatal car crash (back broken and lost a major organ). One gal said she thinks all women should have a baby. So I said, if I change my mind I can always adopt. She said “I think all women should have their own baby, it makes you a real woman. Adopting isn’t the same as having your own, there is not the same level of love there”. Worst part, she said this in front of another coworker who was adopted from a not great situation into a very loving and supportive family.
She was a misogynistic asshat about other things too.
Wow, that’s just messed up, never really understood why people don’t just mind their own business, even if you 100% in great health and decided to not have kids, it’s absolutely still your own decision…why should you or anyone if that matters be judged for it.
I 100% agree with you. I’m extremely happy for friends who want and have kids and I’m extremely happy for friends who don’t want and don’t have kids. I do not keep people like her in my personal life and I was so happy when I switched teams.
She was very much into, you can only be a Real Womantm if you follow these guidelines:
Make babies from your own body
Marry a man
Have long hair (she was even weirder about this part)
She would always say weird shit like that when looking directly at me; an unwed by choice, childless by choice, woman with a mohawk. She was just a bitter dick about a lot of stuff and big mess. In my experience, stuff like that usually comes from people who are generally unhappy with something in their own life, thankfully it’s not a common occurrence.
It’s a childless person thing. Very much an outsider “I only see my friends when they’re looking for time out” perspective.
If you want to see this in spades, you can go through the back catalog of Penny Arcade. Pre-kids, there was a ton of this “Oh no! Kids are the worst! They get in the way of all my drunken debauchery and time-consuming hobbies.” Post-kids, its a tidal wave of “Look at what my son can do! Look at what my daughter is into!” and they’re going out of their way to make life as fun and fulfilling as possible for the next generation, because that’s what they know they craved at that age.
I’m starting to just be the person they want us to be because screw them. Like you said I’ve never seen any comic or media rubbing in the face of people with kids like these people without kids love to cry about. It’s watching a guy in the cuck chair cry. You put yourself there, quiet down.
Father for 12 years here, never have I ever said anything even remotely close of this sort to any my non kids / single friends, is it an American thing?
It’s a self-marketing/preservation thing.
When the kids are infants, the parents are sleep deprived and miserable at times, we they get such a seretonin boost from the baby factor so they don’t kill them (yay evolution). They advocate for others to have kids because it feels so great.
When they hit their slightly difficult years, that seretonin boost starts to drop, work/life balance becomes harder, financial hardship starts to hit as they need to feed them more and provide them outside activities. They still take pride in their kids, but need to tell everyone how awesome it is, but they especially need to tell themselves.
When they hit their teens, they’re now providing adult prices for things. Cars, Insurance. There’s little money left and little disillusion. If they had the kids late in life, their earning potential will end up dropping just as the kids leave home making bucket list plans harder to reach.
It’s worse in the US because we have shitty work/life balance and almost total lack of public transportation / affordable heathcare.
The childless fare better and live more comfortably.
And we wonder why populations are in decline.
American father here. Not as far as I know. I tell folks don’t have kids unless you’re 100% sure. Even then, get a pet first. I love my kid. But boy, do I sure believe folks should get all sorts of tests before they decide now.
Kids are hard man, especially if you didn’t have a good example growing up.
I hear you man, I was just always curious how often actually the issue comes up in a normal chill time with friends or even in a normal conversation with coworkers, unless people ask me specifically for advice, or ask about my kids, it’s not something that just comes up naturally…I’m here aren’t I? Trying to enjoy my time with you, nothing more, If I wanted to air out my frustrations, there’s definitely a time and a place
Maybe it’s cause they don’t get as much time off work to care for their kids as Europeans do?
it helps to be enslaved to a system that forces you to spend an average of 8 hours a day working only to be classified as part time while getting no health benefits whatsoever despite there being essentially no government healthcare
*I’m including excessive commute and non-paid work as “working”
I’ve heard similar from people, usually the “you’ll change your mind when you find the right person”. I am from the US.
The worst was a conversation I had with coworkers. I mentioned I didn’t want kids because it would be really hard on my body to be pregnant after a near fatal car crash (back broken and lost a major organ). One gal said she thinks all women should have a baby. So I said, if I change my mind I can always adopt. She said “I think all women should have their own baby, it makes you a real woman. Adopting isn’t the same as having your own, there is not the same level of love there”. Worst part, she said this in front of another coworker who was adopted from a not great situation into a very loving and supportive family.
She was a misogynistic asshat about other things too.
Wow, that’s just messed up, never really understood why people don’t just mind their own business, even if you 100% in great health and decided to not have kids, it’s absolutely still your own decision…why should you or anyone if that matters be judged for it.
I 100% agree with you. I’m extremely happy for friends who want and have kids and I’m extremely happy for friends who don’t want and don’t have kids. I do not keep people like her in my personal life and I was so happy when I switched teams.
She was very much into, you can only be a Real Womantm if you follow these guidelines:
She would always say weird shit like that when looking directly at me; an unwed by choice, childless by choice, woman with a mohawk. She was just a bitter dick about a lot of stuff and big mess. In my experience, stuff like that usually comes from people who are generally unhappy with something in their own life, thankfully it’s not a common occurrence.
deleted by creator
It’s a childless person thing. Very much an outsider “I only see my friends when they’re looking for time out” perspective.
If you want to see this in spades, you can go through the back catalog of Penny Arcade. Pre-kids, there was a ton of this “Oh no! Kids are the worst! They get in the way of all my drunken debauchery and time-consuming hobbies.” Post-kids, its a tidal wave of “Look at what my son can do! Look at what my daughter is into!” and they’re going out of their way to make life as fun and fulfilling as possible for the next generation, because that’s what they know they craved at that age.
I’m starting to just be the person they want us to be because screw them. Like you said I’ve never seen any comic or media rubbing in the face of people with kids like these people without kids love to cry about. It’s watching a guy in the cuck chair cry. You put yourself there, quiet down.