I have 7 trees on my property. If you pay me $700 I’ll promise not to cut them down for five years, and you can subtract 35 tons of CO2 from your environmental balance sheet.

That’s how carbon offsets work. They’re bullshit.

In similar news, a local hit man’s claims of being “death neutral” are facing increasing scrutiny. Edward Dennyson, known professionally as The Cobra says he has deals with dozens of local conservative Catholic families to have more children. As a result of those deals he can account for 34 births, which can be used to offset the lost lives that are an unfortunate and unavoidable requirement to the operation of his business.

The death-neutral aspect of his business has been a major differentiator, attracting interest from more ethically conscious consumers of his services. However, some voices have been critical. Some, like community organizer Juan Ramirez have wondered if these conservative Catholic families might already have planned to have those children that The Cobra claims. The News reached out to Mr. Ramirez for a comment for this story, but unfortunately he had recently been killed.

Carbon neutral my ass. They have a policy against wfh for full-time employees. That says it all

Carbon credits are bullshit and carbon neutral isn’t even good enough anymore.

Apple could use Coca Cola’s defence on the vitamin water lawsuit.

“no consumer could reasonably be misled into thinking vitaminwater was a healthy beverage.”

No reasonable customer should believe their products is carbon neutral.

Unless the product is fucking logs found in the woods.

Great thing we actually have organizations to shit down this shenanigans.

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Gods I watched the event thing because I was curious about the new pro model phones, and their constant blabber about carbon neutral became a meme we’re still mocking in my household.

The entire masturbatory skit about “mother Earth” is a perfect example of corporate cringe.

I know the word cringe is overused but no word fits it better.