Summary
Keir Starmer faces growing pressure from Labour’s key financial backers, trade unions, and business leaders to forge closer UK-EU ties after Trump’s new tariffs sparked economic concerns.
The U.S. imposed a 10% tariff on the UK and 25% on key sectors, endangering 25,000 UK car jobs.
A TUC poll shows 66% of Britons now support stronger EU ties. Labour MPs and pro-EU groups argue Starmer’s Brexit red lines are outdated.
Critics warn ignoring EU alignment risks deeper economic damage.
Referendums don’t always work, so instead we should throw Nigel Farage into the sea.
If he drowns, we apply to join the EU.
If he floats, we fish him out of the sea and try and set him on fire. If he burns, we apply to join the EU. If he doesn’t burn, we “nexit” him with a guillotine and apply to join the EU.
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These are very sensible and fair plans - though you have to be careful not to make it too much fun, else people might be inclined to say “delay the EU application another month, next week they’re throwing Farage in with some bears! I must see that!”.
neckxit
What if he does a Harold Holt and mysteriously vanishes, never to be seen again?
That’s a very good question. I think in that case we have to assume “drowned: apply to join the EU”. If he turns up mysteriously alive at a later date, we can set fire to him etc “in arrears”.
Weren’t such sacrifices traditionally done into volcanoes?
: p
By some traditions, yes. Volcanic sacrifice was particularly popular in the Victorian Era, for example. Unfortunately for fans of the method (and fortunately for those who live in these areas) most of the best volcanoes were in the outer territories of the former British Empire, which are now independent.
I’m sure Ben Nevis is due another pop any time now, but until then “1, 2, 3, into the sea!” :)