You throw cubes in transdimensional holes to win a cake.

Getting insulted by a sassy robot while you solve puzzles and try not to die.

you land on an alien planet, burn down trees, pollute the air, exterminate the native wildlife, drain the land of all natural resources, pave it all over with concrete, put some fish on a rocket, do not elaborate, leave

You end up stranded on a foreign planet. You need to build a rocket so you can go home, but unfortunately you have to build a whole manufacturing facility to do that. As if this wasn’t hard enough, the inhabitants of the planet are environmentalist assholes and will do anything in their power to stop you.

Speaking skills - 0

Sword and shield skills - 100

Syberia

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Upon being released from prison, you thrust yourself directly into the local religions and governments until everyone can agree that you’re the rebirth of divinity, at which point you doom the game world to death by giant fucking meteor by poking a large heart with really specific silverware.

A man finds himself in front of a set of two open doors, he enters the door to his left.

You kill and torture people with a blunt stick and blame it all on Ranrok.

Oh, and apparently painless, instant kills are much less moral than turning people into explosive barrels and hurling them at your enemies.

99

Very, very flat people open a very, very old door.

You’re finally awake in death row and then spend the whole adventure, shouting to others, trying to avoid knee injury

Human leather factory simulator where you send drugged up child soldiers on slave raids while committing war crimes.

If this comment doesn’t get me on some watchlist I don’t know what will.

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