• Hot Saucerman@lemmy.ml
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    1 year ago

    I want to live in a world where no one feels they are struggling so much that they need to turn to selling their body for sex.

    However, I don’t live in that world, so in the meantime I support sex workers, because sex work is work.


    The men who use their services? That’s a tougher nut to crack.

    My partners brother is heavily mentally disabled and pushing 40, he’s still very much like a child, but obviously does not have a child’s libido. This man has never had an intimate interaction with a woman. He might never get the chance, he struggles to talk to women, even women who have similar issues as himself. I think sex workers could be beneficial for him, in the right context, for giving him intimacy he may otherwise never experience. I don’t think he would ever think/know to pursue a sex worker, but I could be wrong. There’s also the issue of his emotions began to be involved, which leads me to…

    I’d be more worried about him finding OnlyFans and blowing through all his disability money each month instead of realizing he’s not actually getting much out of such a “relationship.” He’s the kind of person who a parasocial relationship like that could really damage their already troubling mental health. The same thing could happen with a prostitute, but they are less likely to hang the relationships on fake social cues that say they care about you. He’s not quite advanced enough to understand that these women are being paid to pretend to care, I don’t think.


    Also, there’s other types of men who use these services I’m sure aren’t a net positive. There are plenty of conservative men who already view a standard relationship as a sexual transaction (I take care of girl = she give me sex), so they’re not far from viewing everything women with transactional already. Secondly, not only do the already view it as transactional, many of these conservative men turn to prostitutes because average women simply don’t want to date them because of their horrible, outdated views on women’s bodily autonomy. They are already angsty and moody because of women not wanting to date them, and they often are willing to take out their frustrations on the woman they paid to serve them. I see these men as not respecting and hurting the women they turn to for sex work.


    Anyway, just some quick thoughts on the subject.

    • FederatedSaint@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      I want to live in a world where no one feels they are struggling so much that they need to turn to selling their body for sex.

      You see, that’s the problem. You are implicitly devaluing sex work compared to other professions. You’re not acknowledging that some people actually want to, and choose to do sex work. There’s nothing wrong whatsoever with someone choosing prostitution, stripping, escort, etc.

      Could you say your same statement about being a lawyer? A teacher? An engineer?

      “I want to live in a world where no one feels they are struggling so much that they need to turn to being an engineer.”

      You see how weird that sounds? So why can you say it about sex work? Do you see how derisive you’re being toward it as a profession? Funny that you say you’re supportive while implying that what they’re doing is a last resort…🤦‍♂️

      • redballooon@lemm.ee
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        1 year ago

        I think the error is on your side. Nothing that OC said denies that some sex workers like and choose what they do. These exist.

        But it’s doubtable that these are in majority, and nothing what you say acknowledges that many many sex workers don’t have much choice.

        • FederatedSaint@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          Check yourself dude. The mere fact that you say “it’s doubtable these are in the majority” shows EXACTLY what you think of sex work. Your attitude of “ugh that’s so pitiful, no one would do that willingly, they must be forced into it” is fucking offensive.

          Millions of people feel stuck in their jobs and “don’t feel like they have much choice.” Walmart, coffee shops, data entry, whatever. But if it’s sex work, all of a sudden it’s something to be ashamed of?

          Yeah, sure there’s trafficking out there, and that is horrible. But don’t conflate the two. Don’t just assume that someone doing sex work is being trafficked. Just like you don’t constantly assume someone doing any other job must also be a trafficked slave or something. Get it?

    • thetreesaysbark@sh.itjust.works
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      1 year ago

      I wonder if there’s a third type too where a person has an extremely busy life and doesn’t have time or possibly doesn’t want an intimate relationship.

      I don’t know if it’s “right” that this type of person pays for sex. I think it makes sense as long as they respect the person that they’re paying and understand this person does not ‘belong’ to them - but this last point appears to be a problem for people whenever they pay anyone for anything.

      • Hot Saucerman@lemmy.ml
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        1 year ago

        There’s plenty of other types, those were just the ones I had time to write about before I pop off to work for the day.

      • Cryophilia@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        I wonder if there’s a third type too where a person has an extremely busy life and doesn’t have time or possibly doesn’t want an intimate relationship.

        That would be me. I work 60 hours a week most weeks. I just want regular, casual, no strings attached sex.

        Unfortunately I can’t actually afford sex workers, but some day…

  • doggle@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    If the sex worker is consenting without duress and is being treated well (I recognize that’s a big ‘if’) then I’m fine with it. I have no inherent objections to sex work itself so it would feel like a double standard to judge the people who use it.

    Unfortunately the moral waters are muddied by the rampant trafficking, drug abuse, etc. within the industry.

  • Stanwich@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    We pay for everything else. A professional is a professional. Mechanic or prostitute. It’s a mutual transaction. Regulate it and make sure it’s safe. When ai porn blows up there going to be a lot more sex workers.

  • Obinice@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    I don’t see why it’s any of my business. It’s like asking what I think of men who go to the gym, or like lettuce on their sandwiches. It’s just another normal thing people do in life.

    Sex is a very normal everyday thing that many people need to feel fulfilled, and the sex industry is great to fill that need. People like to bone. It’s none of my business, and because I’m not a Catholic from the 1800s, I don’t think it’s deeply wrong or sinful.

    The only issue is that it’s not regulated enough, there aren’t enough protections in place for the workers or the customers.

  • Godric@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Logically, if it’s two consenting adults, why not?

    Personally, fucking ew.

    Overall, if you are single, you do you! If you have someone waiting at home, go fuckin sort yourself, never be a cheater.

  • 🐍🩶🐢@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Safe. Sane. Consensual. Pretty simple. If money changes hands, whatever. Don’t be a dick and no means no. In fact, until there is a yes, you cannot assume there is consent. I digress…

  • HelixDab2@lemm.ee
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    1 year ago

    I have very mixed feelings.

    On the one hand, I don’t think that there’s anything inherently immoral about sex work.

    On the other hand, a large amount of sex work is not voluntary and consensual.

    There are a few sites where (legitimate) sex workers can advertise. Prices vary considerably, but you’ll typically see prices starting at $400+ for “full service”. They typically have specific limits laid out, what things they do and don’t do, and usually require some kind of screening for their own safety. If you go to sites where clients can review sex workers, you can find listings for $50-$100 for full-service sex work with “new girls”, frequently Asian. These women–most of the people exchanging sex for money are women—in those listings do not screen clients, do not have pre-stated limits, frequently do not require the use of barriers, and always work for an “agency”. It is clear to me that these are not women that are doing sex work consensually. People that frequent these sex workers are complicit in their abuse. (Willing sex workers can and do work through agencies; that makes their client screening less onerous for them. But they still have clear limits, and not rock-bottom prices.)

    Given how many women, esp. at the lower end of the pricing spectrum, aren’t doing sex work consensually, I would not have a good opinion of a person that chooses to use them. I could not accept someone that knew that they were trafficked and didn’t care, or chose to ignore the probability that they were doing sex work involuntarily.

    I would have no opinion either way about someone that chooses to use a professional domme; that, at least, is a segment of the market that’s unlikely to involved trafficked victims.

  • Nioxic@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    1 year ago

    I dont care

    So long as they treat the women properly, and said women is not being forced to work as a sex worker.

  • Starb3an@sh.itjust.works
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    1 year ago

    Because of the poor treatment of the workers due to it being illegal, I’d say the majority are not great to terrible people.

    If they go to legal, well managed brothels, they’re probably ok people.

  • Smeagol666@lemm.ee
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    1 year ago

    I know you probably mean prostitutes or “escorts”, but aren’t porn actors also sex workers? I watch porn all the time, so do a lot of people. I feel sorry for the sad sacks who aren’t “allowed” to look at porn because their significant other is so goddamn insecure, the idea of their partner having their own private thoughts scares the shit out of them.

  • chicken@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    1 year ago

    IMO the more that money is involved in anything, the less actually voluntary it is, because we need money to live and plenty of people don’t have a lot of options for making money. With sex it’s really important for everything to be actually consensual, but paying for it makes that ambiguous, they can’t really know, so I see it as creepy and unethical.

    • svellere@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      I couldn’t really pin down exactly what my problem with sex work was until reading this. I try not to judge, but I’ve always found it problematic and I do find myself feeling like it shouldn’t have to be a thing. Anecdotally, every person I’ve interacted with who brought the topic up always joked about wanting to do it just for the money.

      The fact that it’s paid for as a service makes it inherently open to exploitation, and thus unethical.

  • PotentialProblem@sh.itjust.works
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    1 year ago

    I don’t see a problem with it but there’s definitely a stigma associated with it. (At least in the US) I think folks who pay are seen as not being able to find it elsewhere which may make them appear as not desirable to other people which then may make your partner question if they’re making a bad choice. Unless you happen to be in an area that has well regulated sex workers, I imagine people might think that you’ve been exposed to STDs which may give you a perception of being “unclean”.

    I don’t think you should have to lie when finding a partner… but I do think telling them this (at the beginning) may be problematic for you for a lot of people.

    I’d love to see sex work well regulated, protected, and normalized in the US but I don’t think we’re there.

  • 👁️👄👁️@lemm.ee
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    1 year ago

    Sad but I think it’s okay and should be allowed anyways. I feel the same way about McDonald’s and Twinkies.