Both are up to date. I actually suspect this is an issue caused by the newer firmware, but there is only one firmware version available when I looked into it.
I ended up working around the problem, and just using the old NVME as the OS drive and using hibernate rather than sleep. It seems something about going into standby causes the problem, and the system going “cold” by parking onto the disk doesn’t cause the same issue.
Probably a capybara, or a cheetah. Both are rather chill animals, and cheetahs are fairly able to be domesticated (and have been multiple times throughout history) at least compared to other big cats.
Both are still a really bad idea, and the latter will probably result in injury or death. After having interacted with two Cheetahs through a rehab centre, I’d be open to try.