I think I’d be a terrible park official. I’d say the same things, but always with a winky face.
Bigfoot isn’t real ;)
That’s our official stance ;)
It’s terrible in most scenarios now that I think of it…
Be sure to stay hydrated out on the trail ;)
Please evacuate the grounds, there is a wildfire burning ;)
If a grizzly comes after you, play dead. ;)
Link as well.
Never play around with fire… ;)
Pop that booty ;)
If it doesn’t go well, at least you’ve got a head start.
Why is the changing her life part (losing weight and getting a divorce after seeing Bigfoot) relevant? Did she leave her husband to try to get with Bigfoot and is suing the state because they claim her new beau doesn’t exist? Wild!
Probably because she thought that the impossible was possible and took action based on that change in perception.
Dating bigfoot being the impossible thing.
It’s because in the decent photos, it’s obviously a bear.
But why would that lead her to sue the park for saying it was a bear? Seems unrelated.
Hurt fee-fees
“How dare you break my delusion!”
Not that uncommon. Have you seen that documentary called The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot
Likely an editorial error and got their stories mixed up. But I like your scenario.
How on earth do people still think Bigfoot is real? It’s obviously just a Yeti in a gorilla suit.
No way man tell you what my brother skeet done seen that dang ol sasquatch when he went to to Calistoga to seent his two brothers Jim and Jed. See they was out huntin one day though I think Jed was out evadin the police on accounta he’s got warrants and unpaid could support, an he an Jim are wanted by the bondsman see, so they was out huntin deep in them woods up there up by the squirtin hole and them old rock woods you know? Anyway they was out there and they seent him. Big ole samskatch. Tain’t no yeti in no bear suit man maybe a Stanley though it were pretty big
Is it America in one sentence?
Its the entirety of the other site condensed into one sentence
This was peak “other site” parts falling off the wing, and they post on Reddit asking if they should tell a crew member.
“The hills around here are pretty squatchy.”
Guy on one side of the forest does a squatch call.
Guy on other side of the forest hears it.
“I think theres a squatch in these woods!”
I’m assuming this went down like the church scene from The Blues Brothers. Some lady goes out to the woods to get a little clarity where a bright light from heaven shines down on her and instead of James Brown, Bigfoot appears and says, “Have you seen the light!?”
And she’s like, Yes! Yes! Jesus H Tapdancing Christ! I have seen the light!"
And just like that, she’s off on a mission from God.
The Daily Mail is shit post defined.
In order to sue you have to show damages. It seems like she can only show benefits. Maybe she can gain more weight than she lost before she goes to court and start dating an asshole or something.
Olivia Nuzzi reposting a story only marginally more ridiculous than her own life
I’m with her, she lost all that weight to date Bigfoot and now California says it’s just a bear.
To be honest I think she should go with the trend and choose the bear.
Pretty typical Bigfoot encounter.
Standard Daily Mail fare here.
